General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI wish to state something about sex crimes:
By way of introduction to this topic, I attended a small private school in Bucks County, PA named Solebury School. To make a long story short, there was a great deal of abuse perpetrated on the campus, a boarding and day school, over 70 years, including acts perpetrated by one of the four founders of the school.
Since I was at the school for grades 7-12, was very involved in many activities and athletic teams, had a family member who was a department head for four years, and was generally affable, I was selected to be the moderator of a private Facebook group which contains many of the survivors, male and female, of this potboiling mess. They required an individual who could be objective, knowledgeable, and understanding on many levels, while not having been involved in the horrors.
A Grand Jury was convened in 2015 and spent two years interviewing witnesses and perpetrators under oath. The report, issued in 2017, is horrific. If you would like to read it, please PM me.
What I wish to say is that all of these sex crimes: rape, incest, pedophilia, ephebophilia, coercion via blackmail, and all the others, are ongoing in every strata of society at a rate which is for the most part, inconceivably high to most people. If you have a frank discussion with almost any female, she can relate frightening stories about an uncle, a neighbor, a teacher or professor, a guy in a store or doctors office (including but not limited to the physician), or anywhere. Perhaps, luckily, nothing happened but its inescapable and noticeable to anyone paying attention.
When all these stories about Epstein and the others started coming out, I was not at all surprised and certainly not shocked. And its omnipresent.
I leave you with this: in fertility clinics, often times the male is asked to produce his sperm for artificial insemination. In the private room which contains in general a DVD player with various pornography videos, magazines of various types which include Boy Scout and Girl Scout publications, as well as teen mags. Think about that for a minute. Then consider how often the docs were told that the donor couldnt get off on what would be effective for many of us so-called normies. And its all just OK with the staff and the docs. Business as usual.
As far as Im concerned, this situation is one of those: Look to your left
now look to your right
existences.
Joinfortmill
(21,314 posts)I wouldn't be surprised if every woman
has at least one story.
OMGWTF
(5,166 posts)I was recounting all of the date rape scenarios I have been in my life. WTF is WRONG with MEN? I'm happily married but if I end up single, I will sure AF stay that way and never, ever go on a date again.
Disaffected
(6,468 posts)Last edited Wed Apr 15, 2026, 12:57 AM - Edit history (1)
For one, they are the product of evolution and are caught in a conflict between the reptilian and cerebral cortex parts of the brain. In some men, the reptilian wins over and they treat women badly. In others (mostly) the opposite occurs. Some switch back and forth. That's a deterministic, simplistic explanation as other factors of course play a role but it is the main reason IMO.
It is difficult to imagine how things must have been for women in prehistoric times and with other, less evolved hominoids when the social constructs we have today for the most part work against such foul behaviour.
blubunyip
(289 posts)if not more. The behavior is condoned because it's part of male bonding. Dominance and aggression training especially for warring cultures. The only way it will change is if men raise boys differently, and the culture stops supporting dominance and violence as normal.
Our social constructs are not working against such behavior--they promote it.
Disaffected
(6,468 posts)Male bonding (or female for that matter), dominance and aggression I would contend are more nature than culture, especially in males, although the two combined can certainly lead to a toxic outcome with some people.
allegorical oracle
(6,509 posts)stimulant "performance" drugs. Others are just nuts because they didn't quite make the grade. At any rate, they are difficult to deal with -- whether they made the grade or failed. Go for the guy wearing spectacles.
Alice B.
(739 posts)until you turn them down.
radical noodle
(10,616 posts)Avoiding athletes does not fix the problem. Nor does sticking with guys wearing glasses. All of them are equally guilty of this sort of behavior. I've had too many instances of nice guys who couldn't take no for an answer.
TheProle
(3,993 posts)
Jack Valentino
(5,122 posts)and then drag her into your cave.... (or whomever)
and 'til death do you part' !
Buzz cook
(2,901 posts)Many prehistoric societies were matriarchal. There is evidence the females were just as much the hunters as males in pre-agricultural hunter gather societies.
We have examples of female apes ganging up on abusive males and killing them.
So it may have been the introduction of "civilization" that made men in general the abusers they are today.
So just as racism teaches people to subjugate minorities, the patriarchy teaches men to subjugate women.
Without a controlling power structure neither would be as wide spread.
Disaffected
(6,468 posts)"Matriarchal societies are social systems where women hold primary power, authority in decision-making, and control of property, often tracing lineage through the maternal line.
Unlike patriarchal systems, these cultures focus on nurturing roles, with inheritance passing from mother to daughter. Examples include the Mosuo in China, Minangkabau in Indonesia, and Bribri in Costa Rica. "
National Geographic
It's complicated....
highplainsdem
(62,509 posts)Arthur_Frain
(2,391 posts)My earliest memory is being abused by the neighborhood kids. You survive, you move on, if you want to I suppose you could let it ruin your life, but why?
PCIntern
(28,443 posts)Last edited Wed Apr 15, 2026, 10:44 AM - Edit history (1)
raccoon
(32,417 posts)WhiskeyGrinder
(27,067 posts)Diamond_Dog
(40,737 posts)I have stories, my best friend has stories, so many, many,women have stories. I totally understand that abuse is not limited to women, but we are the majority of victims.
Figarosmom
(12,365 posts)Last edited Tue Apr 14, 2026, 09:21 PM - Edit history (1)
Have the wife go in with him or give them a collection bottle to collect at home before coming in
It's bazaar the way they do it.
And yes every female and many males have been or almost been sexually assaulted in their life.
PCIntern
(28,443 posts)Was that of a severe violation of a male who required surgery to repair his anus and rectum.
Figarosmom
(12,365 posts)PCIntern
(28,443 posts)Roofied and raped repeatedly by teachers and a musician associated with the school
AloeVera
(4,316 posts)Did the victim ever get justice? Assuming he was just a kid... Or the other victims?
Figarosmom
(12,365 posts)MustLoveBeagles
(16,754 posts)Some people can be evil 😞
Soul_of_Wit
(111 posts)There is a time element involved, so those in rural areas might be too far away for that to be practical. My wife tucked the bottle in her bra (they said keep it warm) and took off for the fertility doc.
FakeNoose
(41,887 posts)It might be embarrassing or hard to talk about with one's children, but today's kids need to be warned. They need to be told how to protect themselves, and how to be a little more savvy about what can happen to them when they least expect it.
I'm sorry to deprive these children their innocence, but they need to hear about it from someone who really cares for their safety. What a sorry world we live in.
PCIntern
(28,443 posts)My parents told me when I was seven EXACTLY why I wasnt to get into a situation with an individual. Traumatic but quite effective
usedtobedemgurl
(2,058 posts)When I was 15, my Uncle's 30 something best friend put his arm around me after he had been drinking. I asked him to remove it. I threatened him. I counted down, loudly, to digging my nails into his skin if he did not remove his hand. This was all in front of my Uncle! The next day my mom grounded me for a week. The guy showed her the bits of skin I took from his hand with my nails. I explained to her what happened. She said I could have moved away from him! In my own house! The grounding stood. I never forgave her for that.
AZ8theist
(7,440 posts)If you were my daughter, I would have put a bullet in that fuckers head.
usedtobedemgurl
(2,058 posts)My mother had no idea how to be a parent or be moral.
AZ8theist
(7,440 posts)You deserved better. No one should have to experience that horror at 15, or any other age for that matter. It's just not right.
Trueblue Texan
(4,522 posts)I would have hurt that motherfucker, no matter how old I was. You didnt deserve what your mother did and btw, you did the right thing, a smart thing, you just didnt have an environment that supported your safety.
MustLoveBeagles
(16,754 posts)You didn't have a good mom 😔
Lifeafter70
(1,115 posts)We are aware of individuals that might be a threat but we don't have enough evidence to do anything to prevent it.
No one wants to make false allegations and if they are not false we fear retribution or alienation from friends and family.
No one wants to talk openly on how much of this goes on in our society. It's a secret we are all keeping.
Our youth both male and female needs to be educated on abuse...what it is and signs to recognize. There are many degrees of abusive behavior some behaviors have been accepted and condoned by society at large.
1WorldHope
(2,080 posts)Figarosmom
(12,365 posts)Last edited Wed Apr 15, 2026, 12:33 AM - Edit history (1)
Sold their own kids into it. All they saw was how to make a buck.
Ms. Toad
(38,707 posts)I was sexually harassed and assaulted 4 times before I was a teen. That I remember.
And nothing they could have told me would have helped me protect myself. One was my brother sneaking into my room at night (after I told my parents, I was permitted to lock my door at night), a second was within my parents' sight (but below the water line at the community pool with a friendly dive coach "showing me how to position my arms"
, one was in the middle of a middle school class full of people, including the teacher, and the 4th was a bullying situation.
Disaffected
(6,468 posts)who pulled up beside us, opened the car door and held out a candy bar as he asked us to get in. IIRC we were around 6 or 7 at the time but old enough to remember what our parents taught us - never go anywhere with strangers.
enigmania
(489 posts)Thankfully, I ran the other way. I'm lucky. Many were not.
1WorldHope
(2,080 posts)that traveled to America with the immigrants from our Victorian culture? Is this a world wide thing?
It's a thing, no doubt about it. I am a woman and it started young and the characters varied, along with the degrees of SA. And though "I didn't let it ruin my life". It no doubt effected me to the core.
I was lucky that I had a stable home, I had good family, I was middle class and never homeless. When I think of the hell young people went through with the Epstein/Trump sex trafficking and the Franklin Cover up in Omaha, and the sex slaves trafficked around this planet, I can't help but think, humans didn't evolve for the better and a well pointed asteroid may not be the worst thing that could happen. If only it would just kill the predators and leave the prey alone to live our happy little lives with no assholes to fuck up our innocence. And yes, ruin many many people for the rest of their lives.
whathehell
(30,492 posts)It's certainly not just an "American" or "European thing".
1WorldHope
(2,080 posts)We always thought about the callousness of telling your children such monstrous tales.
Now we know that monsters really do exist.
dsc
(53,410 posts)which makes that even more mindblowing.
Disaffected
(6,468 posts)In some cultures, ancient Greece and IIRC NA Inuit for example, pedophilia was common and accepted.
One therefore may wonder if the stigma associated with it in most modern societies is at least partially responsible for the often devastating result it has on the victims (and no, I am not attempting here to give it even a particle of justification).
Rebl2
(17,816 posts)need teen magazines or scouts magazines, they have no business having children.
PCIntern
(28,443 posts)MustLoveBeagles
(16,754 posts)MorbidButterflyTat
(4,612 posts)"....the docs were told that the donor couldnt get off on what would be effective for many of us so-called normies. And its all just OK with the staff and the docs. Business as usual."
The clinics/doctors/nurses/everybody involved should be reported.
If nothing done go to the media.
I think people should be made aware of what's going on before they choose a fertility clinic, at the very least.
Trueblue Texan
(4,522 posts)Disgusting!
Bluestocking
(688 posts)Keep in mind that human society is male dominated. I wonder if if it would exist in female dominated societies?
oberle
(377 posts)and taekwondo. You'd be surprised by the number of women who gained self confidence and were able to fight off their sexual abuser. I urge all parents to put their girl children in a youth martial arts. Check out the instructor first, however.
Attilatheblond
(8,999 posts)We of the generally smaller bodies sure as hell could have used some training on how to break a hold, or a nose if necessary.
Did take some basic self defense lessons after divorce and as I re-entered the dating world in the early 90s.
If I was raising a daughter now, there would be self defense and some martial arts from the earliest age she could be enrolled. And I would be damned fussy about checking out the instructors.
Church? Fuggit about it!
progressoid
(53,237 posts)Sadly, I spent far too much time searching the internet for information about this. Using multiple search engines (and VPNs), I could find nothing to support this assertion.
The only link that popped up more than once was this one: https://en.democraticunderground.org/100221174081
Sympthsical
(11,012 posts)I'm going to want a verifiable cite that fertility clinics are indulging pedophilia outside of "trust me".
It sounds . . . fanciful.
PCIntern
(28,443 posts)Hows that for self-revelation? Do you really really think that I could just make that up??
Tasmanian Devil
(178 posts)To my non-expert ears, this sounds apocryphal. I do have some first-person experience and at least at the clinic I was at there were only the expected adult magazines. This was just one visit at one clinic and many decades ago ... so I can't state with any authority if this is/was a common practice. References would be useful here I think.
PCIntern
(28,443 posts)Trust me. First hand experience, ok? And Im not alone.
dsc
(53,410 posts)the choruses I am in are both singing popular songs that clearly sexualize 17 year old girls. Dancing Queen and Paradise by the Dashboard lights. And they are far from the only songs that do this.
BlueTsunami2018
(5,012 posts)Dancing Queen is literally about a girl having the time of her life while dancing. Its about the joy of being young, carefree and euphoric while doing something you love. Theres nothing sexual about it at all.
ABBA was notably one of the few bands in the 70s that actually discouraged underage sex, specifically describing an older man who refuses to do it and guides the girl in the right direction in Does your Mother Know?
Paradise is the description of two high school kids getting hot and heavy in the backseat at lovers lane or whatever you want to call it. An extremely common occurrence that many of us have experienced. No one is coerced or anything like that. And, when it happens, it happens under her conditions and with her consent. When you get to the end of the song, its years later and theyve ended up hating each other. The lesson being that a moment of fleeting pleasure may ruin your entire life.
There are a ton of songs that do sexualize young women from back in the day but these two do not fit that description.
TalenaGor
(1,225 posts)first one was all over me with his hands and pressuring me for sex and the other one tried to kiss me when I got upset that I couldnt understand the register closing process on my first day -
so yep - its everywhere
Wicked Blue
(8,932 posts)I quit after two days because of his offensive grabby behavior. I was 18.
Had a retail job later the same summer where a manager pulled me into a changing room. I told him off, pushed my way out, and afterward was subjected to all sorts of harassment until he fired me on a pretext.
TalenaGor
(1,225 posts)Seriously....
marble falls
(71,993 posts)... three out of the first four girlfriends I had starting in junior high school were molested by their fathers, my first wife was, also and it totally ruined her life.
My first girlfriend and her two sisters were raped by their father - a Summit County Sheriff's Deputy. When she went to her Baptist minister for counseling, he told her to submit to her father.
I would not be a bit surprised if 80% of women in this country have been sexually assaulted in some way at least once in their lives. It was exactly why I talked my youngest out of joining the Navy/applying for the Academy.
I am very careful how I approach women and children: I look just like the "enemy".
PCIntern
(28,443 posts)Virtually every woman Ive ever dated was assaulted by a previous boyfriend/acquaintance/ stranger. Thats why I was always very careful with any physicality (unless she jumped on me).
Stories for another day and OP.
marble falls
(71,993 posts)Boy Scouts of America sex abuse cases, looong read and shocked me it was worse and went on a lot longer than I thought.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39737709/
Sexual Grooming in the Boy Scouts of America
There's more LOTS more, but it was just demoralizing seeing how much there is, and how long it's been recognized - decades.
PCIntern
(28,443 posts)My mom and dad said it was like a Willie Sutton thing: I rob banks because thats where the money is.
raccoon
(32,417 posts)marble falls
(71,993 posts)TexasBushwhacker
(21,229 posts)hundreds of years. You can read about the "fancy girls" in the slave trade here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fancy_girls
They were even advertised in newspapers.