ABORTION question: it's not about the PREGNANCY

[nashville_brook]

Having had an abortion I think I can speak on this freely. I'm not a freak. If you ask, EVERYONE has one of two stories: an abortion or a DUI. It's way more common than you might think. Especially if you are a teenager. Having lived with this issue all thru my 20s and 30s, I can say that the abortion issue goes way beyond pregnancy. Pregnant women aren't worried about how to actually *have* the baby. That's the last thing you are thinking about.

What sends the girl to the yellow pages is the FACT that if you have a baby, you FORFEIT your LIFE. Education? Forget it. You want that baby? You do it ALONE. You are going to be another statistic in some social worker's file book. You are going to live in sub-standard housing if you are lucky enough to even have housing when you can't hold a job because you have a little baby to care for. You are going to have a broken heart when your precious child becomes a statistic himself either in a gang or otherwise falling into the wrong element which is sure to happen given your economic situation.

If you want at-risk young women to take their pregnancies to term -- build the communities -- the VILLAGES our last First Lady spoke of. Family-friendly isn't just for people who can afford Gymboree. Children and mothers -- YOUNG families require a support system, otherwise known as "community" to thrive. People think they can BUY community on a zero-interest APR mortgage in a neighborhood with a logo and a gate. That's not community. That a prison.

Here's the truth about "America" -- despite all our bluster about being family oriented, you take away "kids eat free on Sunday" and our culture is no more family-friendly than a hall of whirling knives.

I had an abortion. There wasn't any question about it in my mind. I was born into poverty. Homelessness and hunger aren't abstract to me. I should have had a choice of scholarships to great schools, but I was way too happy smoking pot and riding in cars with boys. Thank you, poverty, you gave me a great album collection. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Years later i would be in college and networking with environmental groups which gave me the opportunity to work with alternative communities -- you know -- hippies. Folks who developed close-knit communities that were head and shoulders more family-friendly than anything I've ever seen in the suburbs. I would attend spring and fall conferences that usually included some gathering of kids around a maypole or drum circle. yikes, I know -- but the kids loved this shit! Usually I'd just sit and think that these people were my same age and yet able to have kids and raise them in an environment that promised education, safety and careful attention (and drumming, how cool is that?). This was not fair in my mind. I'd go thru stages of anger and bitterness which helped me keep my distance from The Hippies. If this kind of community were available to everyone, ABORTION wouldn't be an issue. Why do you have to wear patchouli and floppy pants to have a tribe? Who wouldn't LOVE to raise their little babies in a fun environment with lots of like-minded people around to help them grow -- people of all ages who could share stories and skills.

The fact is, most people don't have that kind of network. If we did, we'd have babies left and right.

DUI's and abortions are common for a reason other than they are something people don't normally talk about. In a world where your culture exists totally OUTSIDE of the home or the tribe or whatever -- you are going to have to GO OUT in order to participate in life. You aren't going to be able to MAKE IT out of the nest until you become your own little corporate entity. You have REMOVE yourself from your hometown and your family and your support system in order to be able to support yourself. To live. To create the capacity, the economic engine, to run your own family.

THIS IS ALL WASTED ENERGY. God, I hate to see energy go to waste. Do you think elders like growing old alone? Do you think families LIKE working two jobs to make ends meet? Do you think we have a choice? We should. We should totally do everything within out reach to support families. It's called being CIVILIZED.

Our corporatist culture chips away at civilization everyday. Corporatist culture demands ALIENATION of families, communities, hell -- our whole world. It's out of control. Two income families can't make it anymore. We don't have any more workers to feed the corporate monster make ends meet -- not unless they lower the working age to 12, which they would if they could. What would that look like? You can't declare bankruptcy, but you can send little Johnny to live in the "dorms" at the "mill." He'll get three squares.

If the corporatist monster weren't out of control. we'd have UNIONS and communities that lift families up without the fucking faith-based bullshit attached to it. We'd have community arts and education programs that keep kids engaged ALL HOURS while parents have to work. We'd have safe streets.

we'd have CHILD CARE
we'd have EDUCATION thru PhD if that's how far you can go
we wouldn't threaten pregnant women with HUNGER, POVERTY and HOMELESSNESS

the ARTS would be fully-funded without prejudice
POLICE OFFICERS would be paid a fair, living wage -- enough so regular citizens can TRUST them
TEACHERS would be paid a fair, living wage -- enough so we can RELY on them
and we wouldn't STRAND people who can't afford a car to their bedroom community ghetto on the outskirts of town.

We'd take care of each other. It's that simple. Shit, it's simpler than that -- we'd protect the support systems already in place. It DOES takes a village to raise to a child. Until we commit to supporting families, it is our responsibility to protect our sisters' choice to determine the size of her family. To do otherwise would be uncivilized.

[liberal N proud]

1. IF

If we had the Education system
Child Care
Health Care
Arts
Police Officers w/ decent pay
Teachers w/ decent pay
and the faith based crap on top, my guess would be that Abortions would drop, DUI's would drop and so would poverty.
But the pigs at the top want to keep the rest in the slop.

[Warpy]

48. Women who don't want to be pregnant and don't want to face death

bringing an unwanted pregnancy to term would still abort.

There would just be fewer of them.

[beam me up scottie]

2. wow.

That was incredible. Reminds me of this quote:


"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."
-- Dwight Eisenhower

Seriously, your words are a wake up call and I hope people are listening.

[nashville_brook]

7. thanky -- actually, thank ken -- that was a great start to the week

i used to do a presentation that illustrated the difference in how much a dollar buys in EDUCATION vs WAR -- no time to go into it now, but it's big. for what halliburton has stolen from us we could fully fund education. it's a matter of choice -- that's for sure.

[beam me up scottie]

10. Kind of like

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
(cAn't remember who said that but it stayed with me)

[nashville_brook]

15. love it!

wouldn't it be great if the army had to hold a bake sale to have a war and all our children had pencils?

[beam me up scottie]

17. YES!!!LOL!!!

But what do I know? I'm just a stupid tree-hugger...

[mcscajun]

3. Fantastic Post! I applaud your courage in speaking openly about your

experience and your sensibilities are Spot-ON!

Recommended.

[nashville_brook]

8. there was an article in Ms, many years ago

about why it is that we don't talk about this. it really works against us. i decided then, as a writer that i would incorporate my experiences into my history. life is short. i'd rather regret something i have done, than something i haven't.

[TalkingDog]

4. That's why I'm pro choice but anti-abortion

If women in their 20's and 30's knew they could do both: get an education AND raise a family or have a career and raise a family...if they knew the support system was there, that they would be cared for and nurtured through the entire process of pregnancy and child rearing, I believe more women would choose to have children.

I don't think a fetus is a child. I don't believe life begins at conception. No, the reason I'm anti-abortion is that it is used as a tool to keep women in the workforce; contributing to the GNP the way motherhood can't (and never will) Women who have children are a burden to the economic state.

As I've explained before on this subject, Jesse Helms the rightest of the right wingers, fought to keep abortion on demand legal in NC. His logic was that poor and minority women would be more likely to have abortions if they were available; keeping them off of state aid.

We are simply worker bees. We keep the economy running. Having children and being able to "raise them properly" is a privilege of the middle and upper classes. Look at the disparity between the way working mothers in lower and upper classes are perceived. If you are middle or upper class and you choose to have a career, choose to work for pleasure or choose to have your children raised by a nanny or leave them in daycare you are a bad mother.

But what about lower class women? They leave their children every day to go to work in factories and grunt jobs, just to put food on the table. And if they want to stop working and raise their children by taking state aid, they are horrible lazy people and bad mothers to boot.

Abortion is just another tool to keep women in their economic place.

[nashville_brook]

12. obviously i'm sympathetic to your position

it has just taken me in a different direction.

when the hammer hit me on the head about the economic tool thing it hit the side of my head that made me pro-choice. pro-abortion. pro-life. it was a hard knock.

i think they call the education a poor person gets as "the school of hard knocks." the density of what you hit up against is reality. as a young poor single pregnant woman i didn't have the luxury of a choice -- i literally had no choice BUT to get an abortion. the choice i wish i had was an economic life regardless of family size. i didn't get that one, so i took the only other one i could.

no one wants to have an abortion story. they would have rather had a choice.

[TalkingDog]

43. If women were supported, I'd be neutral on abortion, but unfortunately....

That is not the case and will not be so in our lifetime.

But, I want to stress, in the strongest possible terms, I am all for Choice. I just wish it was a REAL choice instead of the farce that is presented to us at this point in time.

[nashville_brook]

63. yeah, my "lightbulb" moment when i was younger was, "choice?"

i WISH i had had a real "Choice."

i might have still decided this wasn't the right time (certainly not the right guy) -- but to have the OPTION -- well, it would be the difference between living in a civilized world and one that shoulders all the burden of our failures on young women.

[Nobody]

71. It's ideal to have a parent staying home with the kids

but not everyone can, wants to, or should.

And that parent can be any parent, not just the mom. According to one friend who is a stay at home mom, she considers it absolutely essential for her mental health to have several hours a week away from the kids.

Balance in life is the ideal, too much of anything is too much whether it's work or caring for small children all day. Everyone needs a break.

I agree with your point that no matter what women do they can never ever win. We shouldn't even bother to try. Aesop had a fable about that and the man and his son ended up losing their donkey because they listened to every idiot who offered unasked-for advice.

Women are expected to listen to and heed and welcome advice from everyone who thinks they know better. And everyone else knows better. At least they do if you believe the right wingers. And of course, every stranger on the street is perfectly qualified to judge.

And to wander my rambling comment back to your point that society needs to support those trying to balance family with economic survival and it's unlikely ever to happen if two things don't change:

1) The perception that staying home with the kids is not what "successful" people do, that you're "just a homemaker" and you don't work, that because you're not bringing in revenue you're not valued.

and

2) The perception that all the not so fun aspects of parenting is women's work and anything associated with women is of lesser value. We've been fighting this for a very long time, we'll keep on fighting it, but every time you see low paying jobs mainly held by women, every time you hear insults based on lacking male gonads, every time you see countless news articles about how women's choices can and should be second guessed, with a chorus of mostly right wing voices agreeing, every time you see all of these things it's evidence that we're not really moving ahead much.

If women weren't second class citizens for much of human history, none of this would even be an issue.

[Rainbowreflect]

5. Great post - Recommended!

[demigoddess]

6. Well Said!!!!

bravo.

[demnan]

9. I recommended your thread

I absolutely agree with everything you said. No one wants abortion, but there are no support systems out there. Even if there were, I still think abortion should be legal, but it would be less common, that's for sure.

Our society is a lonely place for a woman with a child and no family.

[nashville_brook]

13. amen -- and here's the thing, if you're poor, you've been fed a steady

diet of horror stories of single mothers. my grandmother would sit around with nieghbors for hours smoking cigarettes talking about who is pregnant, who was beat up, who commited suicide, who died in the car crash. lonely old women, smoking. no air conditioner in central florida where the BEST those girls can hope for is a hostess postion off of interstate. staying off the pole as whatshisname says.

[tavalon]

51. Oh, my

you grew up where I grew up. That would be the I75, no? You encapsulated the sad desperation of that place so succinctly and threw me into memories decades old. Great Goddess, I am glad I made it out of there. WDW may call itself The Happiest Place on Earth but it sure plopped itself down just below one of the saddest.

[nashville_brook]

62. Leesburg until i was 10, then brevard county

satellite beach.

i actually went back last month on a spur-of-the-moment road trip. here's a story i wrote about it:

http://johnsoncity.blogspot.com/2005/04/extinction-signals-end-times.html

having to do with the mantees.

but before i got to the coast i drove thru the ocala national forest, winding up in ocala and lessburg right at dawn. thought i'd have a looky at the old property, neighborhood, etc. we lived right off 441 going out of leesburg toward the interstate. wen i was a kid, i'm 39 now, there was a little donut shop called Oscar's Donuts right around the corner from the house. it had closed way before we left in 1975. When i went back, the building was still there and the windows were still painted with the "Oscar's Donut's" logo. 30 years that building has been empty!

my birth mother actually fell into that desperate central florida cess pool. trailer parks, hitchhiking, you name it. we think she had other problems, but self-medicated with alcohol. central florida is a haven for the disspossessed. so depressing!

[readmylips]

11. Great Read...You're a brave woman

I too had an abortion but I was married,living in that dream and illusion that only innocence give us. I married what seemed to be a nice man who came from a wonderful family. He turned out to be an abusive scumbag. I already had one child and having a second child would have ruined my chances of running away for my life. I gave myself a chance in life. I put myself through college and educated my son, who's today a lawyer. It was painful hard work and heart-breaking when many times you had no food for your child.

Our system of government is in layers (democracy); super rich (1% all whites), rich, working class (disappearing), and the laborers. The working class supplies most of the taxes to run the country and the laborers do just that, labor like slaves. Who benefits? The super rich 1%.

[nashville_brook]

14. mothers need to share these stories -- they are rites of passage

you have so many illusions growing up -- what's worse is the illusions your family has for you (good and bad). when reality hits you, you are damn lucky it was only an abortion and not a lifetime with the scumbag. (i laughed out loud when i read that b/c i know the tone of the women who pulled herself out of that. you say abusive scumbag with every bit of the confidence that the bastard stole from you. love it :)

when i was in college many of my friends were returning students who did poly sci and phil to go to law school. i was blown away that these women juggled children along with the exams and papers i could barely scrape thru, sleep-deprived day-sleeper that i was.

when you work that damn hard you understand the value of your labor. you start to see how you are getting screwed -- royally -- and there's no reason for it. we make the rules. we provide the labor. every inch they take, they are gambling on how soon it's going to be before it is overruled... in the ACTIVIST courts. activist, my ass.

[beam me up scottie]

18. I'll bet your son

is damn proud of his mother. I would be.
Another incredible story.
And we're the weaker sex?

[nashville_brook]

24. awww, no one who knows a mother believes that

:)

stronger and smarter. ;)

actually, i'm totally kidding -- we're just stronger and smarter sooner.

[Maat]

50. Thanks for the great story.

You are a very successful mom who did the right thing; it is very difficult to get through law school and become a lawyer. I know from personal experience. Congrats!

[Lisa0825]

16. Nominated - excellent post!

Hillary Clinton was raked over the coals by the right for "it takes a village." They all ranted about it being like a hippie commune. Well, I happen to think the hippie culture had/has a lot of positive aspects to it that others could learn from if they weren't so damned closed-minded.

We have no sense of community anymore.

Excellent post. Thanks for sharing!

[lostnfound]

19. kick nt

[Jo March]

20. Um, I haven't had an abortion or a DUI -- BUT

I have traveled hundreds of miles to a town where my friend could get an abortion. Two of us took my friend to Memphis to get the abortion. I sat outside the actual procedure room while my two friends went inside: one for the abortion and the other for moral support.

Outside, I sat with a 15-year-old girl who had just had an abortion and I held her hand and talked to her while her body was wracked with pain. I didn't know who she was. I just saw that she was alone and scared so I went over to her.

I heard screams and crying from the other rooms.

"Where is he?," I spat out. She looked up through her tears and said, "He'll be back. He dropped me off."

"Oh, dear God in Heaven," I whispered. I just sat there and brushed her hair back and made shushing sounds while she cried.

I saw so many young women - under 18. Many were there ALONE. They didn't have anyone to help them or calm them or support them.

Nashville_Brook is so right. We have to support our sisters. Too many times we end up falling for the crap that the right spills: abortions are too easy to get, women who get them are using them for easy birth control, etc. etc.

Bullshit! It is not easy or convenient or fun or without pain and guilt. We had to drive hundreds of miles to get to the clinic. We had to avoid the protestors. We had to listen to screams and sobs. My friend was in so much pain afterwards. That 15-year-old girl? Who knows what happened to her?

Stand by your sisters! Support them in their choices.

[beam me up scottie]

21. Imagine what it will be like

when they outlaw legal abortion. And make no mistake, that is EXACTLY where we are going unless we all stand up and fight.

[Jo March]

22. It felt as though it was illegal

We had to get up in the middle of the night so we could get there before the protestors started getting rowdy. We had to sneak into the building. The windows were all blacked out. No one met our eyes. We had to sneak out the building when it was time to leave.

It felt illegal. We were so scared of the protestors. It was awful.

I can't imagine how much worse it could get.

[nashville_brook]

25. there's a guy my husband works with who protests EVERY friday

at the center here in nashville. he has 8 children. on the back of his 15-passenger van he has 8 of those little metal fish and ONE big one swimming after them.

my husband says, "where's Mommy fish?"

and that's the core thing here, for me. to those people, WE don't exist. WE are not quite human. there's the Original Sin thing, and the monthly impurity, and the SEX. we're not to be trusted.

[Jo March]

28. Did the guy ever answer about the mommy fish

or did he just stutter and look stupid?

The guy who got my friend pregnant also got another woman pregnant at the same time. Neither woman knew about the other until after the guy had married the other woman (not my friend).

She, of course, is a horrible Jezebel and he, of course, is a great stud.

I had a good friend who is male and repub. (We are no longer friends.) He believes that women aren't to be trusted because of the Original Sin thing.

[nashville_brook]

32. it's part of our culture, the original sin thing

even for guys who didn't grow up christian. it's there in the mystique of women. plus the whole fear of anhilation thing; you know they're afraid they're going to put it in and not get it back.

the chrisitan guy at work -- what a character. he's a bright-eyed blonde with a robustness that doesn't exactly square with his "square-ness." but if you ask him,, he'll tell you the reason why he bacame a christian (born-again) was because of an addiction. then it kinda makes more sense. big jovial guy with an easy laugh, i can see inner coke head. john was having a BAD morning when he pulled up behind him and noticed it, so he waited until it wouldn't come out they way he felt it (stupid fucker doesn't even a mommy fish). when it came up the christian guy was like, "whoa, yeah. wow." he was amazed. but that doesnt' surprise me. this guy is in the born again crowd because it's keeping him off the rock. i can't hold that against him. he'll probably kick his christ addiction too someday.

having had BOTH an abortion and a DUI, i can tell you there is WAY too much god talk in those DUI driving schools by way of the whole AA -- recovery thing. i was such a pain in their ass -- i would argue that it wasn't ethical to push relgion on us. that most of us didn't have a drinking problem -- we had a transportation problem.

[beam me up scottie]

29. I've been there.

It's how they want us to feel.
That is also why the anti-choice zealots hate RU486 and the morning after pill.
They know that if they can't single out doctors and clinics, they cannot terrorize us.

[Jo March]

30. They have to hold us down somehow

When the pill came along, they were terrified of us. What would we do? What did we want? How could they stop us?

(Not all men - I'm just saying the ones who were in power)

[nashville_brook]

41. and look at Hager, the guy on the FDA panel that bragged how he won

one for God ("yet again" -- i shit you not, in the recording he say, "yet again") by ruling against Plan B. this man is supposedly a gynocologist for his entire professional like and swore that the reason he anally raped his wife was his navigation was off.

yeah, right. oh and WTF? look at who these people are. I'm saying, Handmaid's Tale!

[tavalon]

54. Bingo

Anti-choice isn't about protecting the fetuses, it's about controlling the women.

[beam me up scottie]

56. I've always believed that.

Do you remember back in the 80's how the researcher who developed RU486 tried to pull it off the market in France because of the pressure from religious groups?
And the French courts decided he could not because "it is now the property of women everywhere".

And, when the zealots here threatened to boycott any drug manufacturer who made RU486 for distribution here, I laughed because it didn't work. I never thought they would actually be able to recruit the doctors, pharmacists and insurance companies to do their dirty work.
But they did.
It's time to be scared.
And it's time to fight.

[nashville_brook]

23. imagine why they cry...

b/c when the valium hits it isn't about the pain. if you're lucky enough to have the valium -- some use nitrous.

i cried b/c i was alone and frightened, although i wouldn't have even been able to identify it as such at the time. you cried harder when i thought about how unfair it was -- in that basic sense your soul demands. why'd i have to do this? why couldn't things be different? and this doesn't even touch the personal relationship and what condition it is in at the time.

there are two places i could never work, emotionally. the womens' reproductive health center and the after-hours pet emergeny clinic. these folks shoulder so much pain in a day, i can't even imagine. angels.

[Jo March]

26. The folks there were great to us

It was just the despair in the room. You could feel the hopelessness and the fear. I didn't see one person in there who was acting like it was no big deal.

Once we checked in, no one spoke. The room was absolutely 100% quiet. It was horrible.

As I sat there, I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong in the room. After we left, it hit me. Not one man was in that room. Not one. No boyfriends or husbands or male friends of any kind. It was all women.

[beam me up scottie]

31. That's exactly how I remember it.

It's like the clinic was under siege.
Why can't it be done in hospitals like every other legal procedure?
Why are we forced to defend these fortresses from the nazi's?
It is insane that women and medical staff are treated like criminals.

[Jo March]

34. We were under siege!

We had my friend lie down in the backseat so she couldn't see them yelling at us.

Horrible, horrible.

[nashville_brook]

36. i don't know how i avoided this. it was the 80s in east tenn.

they were too busy attacking the asheville NC clinic which had public funding. i went to a private practice -- i guess that's the diff.

and that's the other damn thing -- this SHOULD be private. it could be much more private the Plan B pill. better birth control. i actually got pregnant b/c i was taking tetracycline for acne and b/c i went to the women's clinic instead of my private physician for birth control, there was no review for drug interactions. just, here's your pills, now don't get pregnant.

[tavalon]

55. My hospital

does second trimester abortions mostly for fetal anomalies but sometimes they are for situational needs. Most of the nurses refuse to care for those women (the ones aborting for other than anomalies). I always volunteer. I want them to have a kind, loving nurse who won't judge them.

Thankfully (and notice how I won't tell you which hospital) we don't have the eye of the demons (RW fundies) upon our facility for that part of our blessed work.

[Dissent Is Patriotic]

78. Wow! Your post made me cry...

You are really making a difference! Yay you!!!!!

[arikara]

39. I can't imagine having to go through that

I really feel for you having to go through that down there. I recently took a friend to the hospital here (BC) and everyone was so kind and supportive. Abortions are mixed in with the regular surgeries which makes it more anonymous.

Nobody WANTS to have an abortion, it is always a painful decision so why torture the woman further. However difficult the decision is though, I had one myself many years ago and have never regretted it.

[nashville_brook]

40. these things are only issues because people choose to undermine women

it took me so freaking long to see this. even women co-workers. if you scratch beneath the surface, if they are pro-life and voted for bush it was b/c "he'll make women keep their children. like i did. dammit."

but seriously, the whole healthcare system down here has been deconstructed and reborn into a Fristian monster that exists to keep us sick and in debt. is it any wonder you can't just go to the hospital and have a damn d and c if you need one. CHrist! i have to sign my name to book to buy Claratin. They keep Goodies powders behind the glass. what have we become if not human fodder for the healthcare industry.

THERES a focus for the fucking debate. now i'm pissed. nothing pisses me off more than thinking about how much i've been screwed by healthcare. i'm gonna have to take a pill. :)

[beam me up scottie]

42. Damn, Lady!

We need to ship you off to DC to slap some sense into the politicians.
If you need someone to ride shotgun, I'm your ma-oops, I mean woman!

I would pay anything to see you take on frist!
:rofl:

[nashville_brook]

64. now that i'm a "housewife" (ha!) i have time to be a gadfly.

right before i got my BS in philosophy my professors bestowed me with a special "award." my grades weren't good enough to merit "best student" so they made up one:

"The Socrates Award: for the student most likely to be a real philosopher, a gadfly and a prison inmate."

time to cash in on that. we can take the bimmer, put the top down and raise hell all thru DC! i know a great korean restaurant!

[beam me up scottie]

67. Sounds like a plan!

I bet if we got all of the DU women together and descended on DC we'd have no problem getting our government back. We'd just need to flush out all of the worms first. :spank:

[beam me up scottie]

33. Yes, my thoughts exactly.

I would die from a broken heart if I had to see the cruelty and misery every day. They are indeed very special people.

And for me there was neither nitrous nor valium.

[Kenneth ken]

27. thank you

:hug:

I have a niece, pregnant, not out of high school yet, she is going to have a baby this year. Fortunately for her, she does have a fairly large and supportive family, and her boyfriend is, so far at least, sticking around as well.

But you made me stop and think more about my role as an uncle to her, and how important that can be, even though so far, she hasn't showed a great aptitude for taking good advice from any of us. She is in a hurry for life, I guess.

We pretty much have all told her we're around and supportive, and no one as far as I know has argued against her choice, certainly it wouldn't be my place, possibly perhaps her mom's choice to have discussed options with her.

Anyway, you're absolutely right about how messed up we are as a society. A consumer society, instead of a citizen or human society.

[nashville_brook]

35. ahhhhh! have i got an uncle story for you!

i was abandoned at birth. my maternal grandmother adopted me so i wouldn't have to go to a foster home. i know lots of situations like this!

when i got to be in high school, my grandmother's worst instincts started emerging, ie clamp down on the girl so she doesn't wind up pregnant. she was never at her best when she was operating out of fear. so my aunt (her daughter, my birth mother's sister) and uncle too me up to Tennessee the summer of 10th grade.

a week afo, on my 39th birthday they wrote me the SWEETEST email explaining why they came and took me in. i've always told the story from the standpoint of "i was sent away to straighten my ass up." they didn't want me to think my "ass was broken." they were responding to something i wrote here, i think. they still read me -- sweet!

they explained that they always figured they would take care of me at some point and amongest some other details said that they had empty nest syndrome. well, nothing could be nicer from my POV. and i can imagine how that would be the case.

what gets lost in the talk about abortion is that raising a kid is a beautiful thing -- it's a priviage to be involved. it's not 100 percent sacrifice. it's what makes like worth living. aunts and uncles and cousins -- your family is your history.

[Kenneth ken]

37. that's a terrific uncle story

and a terrific grandmother story as well.

I don't know about raising a kid being a beautiful thing, but I really do like being an uncle.

:hi: brook

[Misunderestimator]

38. You sure pack a LOT into that INCREDIBLE Post!!

:thumbsup:

I don't even have a response... just, What YOU said!

Nominated, and :yourock:

[Solly Mack]

44. Yes, we need to do both: support families and to keep abortion

legal.

[applegrove]

45. Abortion is one sorry answer to the issue of unwanted pregnancy.

We need to focus on all other options to try and reduce abortions to nill. That means free access to all types of birth control. All types. That means focusing on 'reversible operations' for men/boys and pills for men/boys if possible.

We have ignored the boys for too long.

We need all system a gogo.

We need the option of virginity pledges too (good choice for some).

We need the morning after pill to be as free and easy to access as water.

We need patches for teens, boys, girls, and on and on.

[oddmanout]

59. I wholeheartedly agree!

Male sexual education and birth control options in this country quite frankly SUCK! "Here's a condom, be careful" just does not work! A male patch or pill would be a great option (although you still need to protect against HIV and other STD's).
All of the options that you suggest are wonderful but they all share the same fatal flaw, we in this country (speaking in general terms) fear empowering youth about sexuality (Which is idiotic, I work with teens...believe me they are already empowered, whether their parents admit it or not). Until we straighten out our ideas of sexuality and morality these problems (unwanted pregnancy, abortion, sexual violence) will go on.
Education is the magic bullet, human sexuality must be taught early and often giving as much information as possible to heighten awareness.

:dem:

[nashville_brook]

65. hoo boy, you speak a big truth! look at all the self-help therapy

aimed at helping ADULTS get back in the saddle sexually. we are totally empowered as teenagers. it's called hormones. once you grow up and work 60 hours a week and all that goes with it -- seems like no one wants to fool around anymore.

we are biologically programmed -- hardwired -- to use those eggs when they are FRESH. now that i'm pushing 40, the few i have left have been thru HELL! :)

[Caoimhe]

46. KUDOS! Excellent Post!

I also had an abortion when I was 16, without my parents consent. There was no way on earth I could approach them about it. It was the best decision I could make at the time considering all my options. I don't apologize, I feel zero guilt, I don't have breast cancer from it, my sex life is fine. It wasn't cheap, it wasn't easy and it wasn't fun. In fact, I wish there was a way to force people through an invasive procedure (the rabid prolifers) just so they know what it felt like. I understand, now, why someone would make that choice. And I feel that I am not the judge of anyone but myself. I am now happily married and we are looking forward to having children how and when they come along.

I think the thing we all need to keep in mind, especially those of us who would no longer need an abortion (actually ALL women could NEED an abortion...a medical abortion!) that we MUST fight for future generations. If we let these FRISTIANS set forth their agenda, women's rights will be set back at least a century. You will no longer have privacy if you have a womb. We owe it to our children and our grandchildren to keep fighting, because those rights that have taken so long and so much effort to win.. can't protect themselves. Especially not with the rabid neopigs in power now.

Thanks for your post and the opportunity to give my two cents too.

[nashville_brook]

47. you're welcome -- consent is a Priscilla Owen issue

frist is promising to bring her up for confirmation this week.

[Political_Junkie]

49. You go girl!

Agreed, in full!

[ultraist]

52. Sisterhood!

Community! I'm in awe of the OP and the posts here...amazing & inspiring.

Thanks to all!

:grouphug:

[Ysolde]

53. Fabulous post!

Thank you for your post.

And your quote...

Here's the truth about "America" -- despite all our bluster about being family oriented, you take away "kids eat free on Sunday" and our culture is no more family-friendly than a hall of whirling knives.

hits the nail on the head.

Bravo for you!

[jwirr]

57. Thank you for this post. I know how much courage

it took to come ahead and make this kind of public statement. I know because until this minute I have never spoken of my abortion. I agree with you completely and I think that is why I am so angry at the bushies and the church. Where are they when they are needed. Home counting their money.

[nashville_brook]

60. i gets easier -- IDEA! -- you know how evangelical

chruches use young girls to come up and tell their abortion story in order to shame them into repenting... i've actually had the horror of seeing this in johnson city when the evangelicals were trying to EXORICISE the downtown of witches (another story) BUT why can't we share these stories in order to FORGIVE and make things better?

i figure if the girls i've seen could get up in front of their church and God and everyone and say out oud what a bad person they are -- i can get up in front of God and everyone and say you know what, you're okay. you did the right thing. you have nothing to be ashamed of.

in fact -- WE have something to be ASHAMED of for taking better care of YOU!

[jwirr]

68. I truly believe that forgiveness is the beginning of

healing and that usually begins with forgiving yourself.

My daughter's who do know what I did to their "brother" have forgiven me and they have worked with young girls who are pregnant in the church to help them understand that there is support for them and their child (until newtie and bushie) have also worked with girls (friends) who are going through the "recovery" from having an abortion. Many times it is girls like myself who have been raised to think of abortion as wrong that suffer the greatest guilt and keep it inside for decades.

When there are no supports for the pregnant girl and their boyfriends there is more likely to be an abortion. Believe it or not I would have been kicked out of the religious school I went to if I would have revealed that I was pregnant. I have always been extremely angry that their policies contributed to the trap I found myself in.

I wish we could write a progressive book on this topic. It needs to be gotten out into the open.

[Czolgosz]

58. Thanks for posting your story.

I think we need to emphasize that criminalizing abortion is not as effective as eliminating the social causes of abortion if we want to reduce the abortion rate in America. Two key facts:

. the abortion rate dropped under the pro-choice Clinton administration and rose again under the anti-choice Bush administration because the abortion rate is tied closely to the unemployment rate for women

. abortion is illegal in Chile yet the abortion rate is twice as high as in the US where abortion is (largely) legal because the criminalization of abortion is not as effective as addressing the underlying causes of abortion in the effort to reduce the abortion rate

[nashville_brook]

61. true that! and it wasn't like Clinton established a new Great Society

or anything. small steps make big differences when large numbers of people are involved.

[sinkingfeeling]

66. Thanks. For those interested there is a site where women's stories

are posted: http://www.fwhc.org/stories/story11.htm
This is the Feminist Women's Health Center site.

I get so angry at people who condemn any woman for the choices she makes. And why are most of the leading 'pro-lifers', men? At the one clinic in my area that performs abortions, 90-95% of the protesters are men. There will always be medical and mental reasons for abortions. It is an issue between the woman and her god.

Here is my story:
In 1976, I was a divorced mother of a then 6-year-old son. I was in a
relationship with a divorced man, slightly older than myself, whom I had been dating over two and half years. As I was working full-time for a large IT company, making my career happen, I took birth control pills. I also have had psoriasis since the age of eleven, and at the time, was taking the drug, methotrexate, also used in the treatment of cancer. (This same drug is now being tested, in combination with Misoprostol, as an abortion method.)I'm not exactly sure what went wrong, but in December, I found myself pregnant.

I had been forewarned by my doctor to 'stay on birth control' while taking methotrexate, so I checked out the 'side affects' of the drug. Back then, they included severe damage to the developing fetus resulting in physical or mental deformities and 'miscarriage'. No one could tell me what the 'odds' were for bringing a pregnancy to term. I was faced with a decision. Did I have the personal fortitude to deal with a severely handicapped child? Did I have the finances (I was insured) to handle such a situation? What type of impact would it have on my son?

I made the only decision that seemed logical...I had an abortion within five weeks of discovering I was pregnant. I did not marry the man I was involved with, although we are still good friends and remain in contact. I am still single today. My son was raised by me to be a sensitive, bright, intelligent man.... he's now 34. I was upset only on the day of the procedure. It was sad and painful, but I have not had a single regret about the decision I made. I do not believe I did an 'immoral or sinful act' by putting the well-being of my son above all else.

[oddmanout]

69. I agree

It seems to me that whenever I walk past one of these protests the great majority of protesters are men. It reinforces for me that the entire abortion issue is not pro-choice or pro-life... it is, in their glazed over eyes, a question of power over women.

You are female so you cannot possibly have the mental ability or emotional capacity to make such a decision for yourself, you must have a MAN there to assist you, lest you screw up again i.e. original sin.....

It is sad that this primal fear of female empowerment is leading these people.


:dem:

[Madrone]

70. Wonderful,

Wonderful post. Bravo.

[REP]

72. Yes, It's About The Pregnancy

You're overlooking something, or rather, someone - me and the women like me, who do not want to have children under any circumstances whatsoever. Right now, some 41% of American women between the ages of 15 and 45 do not have children, and some 24% will remain childfree by choice. You insult all of us who have decided that for us, childbearing is not our destiny by insisting that if we simply had enough babysitters, we'd be having children "left and right." Do you really think I underwent surgery to render myself sterile simply because of a lack of some network that you'd like?

I'm all in favor of a system that treats all its members fairly, regardless of their reproductive status; after all, we childfree have parents and siblings and other family to care for just as anyone does. But this nonsense about how all women are just longing for the village so they can give birth is just that - nonsense.

[Nobody]

73. As a fellow childfree woman

My vision of a truly awful like FOR ME would be to be pregnant and be forced to keep the child after it's born, try to support on Wal Mart wages, and find that my family isn't interested in helping.

I don't want kids now or ever. I'm past the point where my so-called biological timeclock should be screaming at me to have kids. Nope. Still don't want any.

I've thought about this for years, and yet those fools in the Minnesota HHS with their misinformation about the Women's Right to be Lied To Act wouldn't count it as having prepaid my 24 hr thinking out it period.

Has anyone else ever gone to a clinic in a state where there is a mandatory 24 hr waiting period to pre-wait by getting the propaganda BEFORE the need arises? Next time I'm in the neighborhood, I'm going to stop into mine and see for myself.

[Dissent Is Patriotic]

79. Well said! I am child-free by choice!

It makes me sick when people say, but you're so beautiful, and only 26, you'll change your mind! These are mostly women! I will not change my mind! I am here to say that I am a complete woman without a child!

[REP]

80. "Woman = Mommy" Posts Make Me Want To Vomit

Those that insist that 'every woman wants to be a mother' clearly haven't thought things through, and can't imagine that saying to women like us that we'll change our minds is as rude and intrusive as telling a pregnant woman she'll change her mind about motherhood once she gives birth.

Thi 'one size fits all' mentality - that the women who have chosen to remain without children have done so solely because of a lack of sufficient hand-holding and support - is not only simplistic thinking, but seems to be blatantly false when one considers how many women choose to go ahead with motherhood despite impoverished and seemingly hopeless circumstances. This is their right, and quality social services should be available to all, rich and poor, childed and childfree alike - but to peg this simple need for decent services to the emotional argument of imagined longing of all women to have children is silly beyond compare.

[HockeyMom]

74. 1983 Tubal Pregnancy - Catholic Hospital

I had been taking the combination pill for around 7 years and had nothing but trouble with it. My doctor put me on the progestin only mini pill. I had been taking it for around 6 months when I got my period and it wouldn't stop. I also starting experiencing a sharp pain shooting down my left side. My doctor suspected it might be a tubal pregnancy and admitted me to the hospital with the instructions that I was to be given an immediate sonogram. Unfortunately, of the two hospitals he was affiliated with, only the Catholic Hospital had a free bed. He warned me that there might be "problems" there but he had no other choice. Little did I know what he meant. After all, a tubal pregnancy is, no doubt about it, a medical emergency? Right? Wrong.

After I was admitted, I didn't get a sonogram. A nurse came in to me looking for a URINE sample for a pg test. "Pee in this cup and there had better not be any blood in this. This is a CATHOLIC hospital and we don't do abortions here." I asked when was I getting my sonogram. She just walked out and didn't answer me. My doctor had also wanted me to be put on an IV and my blood pressure monitored. Did I get that? NO. They did nothing for me at all other than the pg test.

All I kept thinking was that I was going to die and they would do nothing about it. All I kept thinking of was my 3 year old daughter who I left crying at home with my husband. Would I live to see her grow up? As I lay there in that bed, I could feel myself drifting off. I remembered nothing after that. As I had suspected, my tube had already burst and I lapsed into a comma.

I was told afterwards that my doctor had come into the room, found me that way, and went literally screaming down the halls at the interns and nurses. They did the sonogram and rushed me immediately to surgery which took almost 4 hours. My doctor later told me that I had so much internal bleeding that if I hadn't been so young (32), he said he probably would have done a complete hysterectomy. Later on, I had overhead some of the "good Christian" doctors joking that it took them 20 minutes just to find my bladder. After the surgery, the elderly woman in my room told me that I was screaming in pain and the nurses just ignored my cries. She told me SHE had to get out of bed, go down the hall, and demand the nurses give me something. She also said I was screaming at them, "You are not going to kill me."

To add insult to injury, they sent a priest in to counsel me. I refused to talk to him. He kept saying that he knew I was "bitter about losing my baby". No, I was "bitter" about nearly losing MY life for a DEAD 5 week old embryo.

Many, many people, who I have told me story to, have said I should have sued the pants off that hospital. But at the time, all I wanted to do was get out of there, go home, and see my daughter. I was very fortunate not only to have survived all that, but 2 years later, I was able to have another daughter - no problems at all. My husband had a vasectomy right after our second daughter was born. I just couldn't imagine staying on the Pill with all the problems I had for another 10 years or so.

I hope no younger woman EVER has to experience anything like this. We HAVE to make them aware of what can happen to them if we allow the extreme religious right get their way.

[beam me up scottie]

75. Thank you for telling your story.

And I'm going to remember it every time some imbecile says :
"Catholic hospitals shouldn't have to do abortions"
If they take federal money they should provide ALL necessary legal medical services.
Period.

[Warpy]

76. I feel the same way

If they don't intend to offer the full range of OB-Gyn services INCLUDING ABORTION, then they need to close that department of the hospital.

Fat chance. Catching babies is easy money for those places.

We need to rein the bastards in with appropriate laws. Perform the service or get the fuck out of the business.

[beam me up scottie]

77. I'll repost something I wrote earlier this evening,

Can somebody tell me:

WHY can't abortions be done in hospitals like EVERY other legal procedure?

WHY should women be forced to go to clinics that are targeted by terrorists?

WHY should the medical staff who help women be forced to risk their lives by working in a dangerous location that is easily targeted by terrorists? Where they can be followed home and their families put in danger?

WHY should our tax dollars not fund family planning for poor women?

WHY should only women who can afford abortion be able to have the procedure done?

WHY are we still fighting for (and losing) our reproductive freedom?

Can anybody tell me WHY?

[Southpaw Bookworm]

82. I'm so sorry, but thank you

These are the stories that need to be told. I've already told my fiancee that I don't feel comfortable going to the ER at the Catholic university hospital near our house -- I just can't trust that they will put my health first. And that is a goddamn shame.

[saskatoon]

81. my thoughts on the subject

THE FRUITS OF YOUR LABOR

Their small gross bellies are fat
Are they fat with bread and meat?
They are fat with wind and worms
Eyes filled with flies and snot
And emptiness…these old men children
These living skeletons you’ve begot
By your complacence and raucous ravings
Withholding ways and means and caring
You’re foolish pratings of “right to life”
You call that life? What kind of life that
Clings with tiny scrawny claws to scrawny
Empty tits? Are these your proof of justification
These starving waifs your consecration?
Will God smile on you for these?
He does not seem to smile on them.
When you dedicate yourselves to sacrifice
Eschew your rights to those soft beds, those
Groaning boards, go naked in the wilderness
Then all your pious shoutings will not be empty
Mouthings and your silly bluster will have
Substance and some worth…til then be still!
Your senseless winds are but the ravings of
Blind idiots with hollow hearts
And empty hands.
© Copyright 2000 by Grace Stevenson
saskatoon85@yahoo