Should I tell an extremely conservative "born-again" friend ...

[PittLib]

where I stand, even if he has sustained brain damage and is physically impaired? He was a very close friend who was in a horrible motorcycle accident (like my stepbrother) about 12 years ago. I more or less drifted away when I started college, but he has since reconnected through e-mail and now forwards me all kinds of hateful fundamental crap - from religious and "patriot" groups to Bush and the NRA. I feel terrible because his life basically ended (however you wish to interpret that) and he lives with his struggling parents. I can't blame him for the fundy religious aspect, it is all he has (if hypocritical)I have a feeling his parents feed him this stuff. I can't even bear to attempt a conversation - I don't know what I could possibly talk to him about. I usually delete much of the stuff - but sometimes I try to be fair and indulge him ... and end up irate. My mother told me not to respond, that he has no one (that we all abandoned him) and that I should just ignore it. I just don't know if I can anymore. He has a huge list of people he forwards to... but I couldn't tell if these are people of significance or not. So the question is: Should I tell him that I am a Kerry liberal, knowing that it won't change his mind - or do I continue to suck it up ... and stop reading that crap?

[Vincardog]

1. Sent him some true posts if he can be saved fine else BLOCK his email

then you don't even have to delete it

[Worst Username Ever]

2. Don't treat handicapped people any differently just because they are

handicapped. He can handle it, let him know the same way you would if he were not "differently-abled." Maybe at minimum he will take you off that list.

[Hoosier Democrat]

3. Do what I do...

I have a couple of friends who are Right-Wingers politically, and I was clear to them after they sent me a few Conservative email forwards that I was NOT interested in recieivng any more. I told them that we would have to agree to disagree on matters of faith and politics and that any attempt to "convert" me would result in the termination of our friendship.

Today, we're still good friends and share email humor all the time, just no political or religious stuff.

[Goldmund]

4. Disagreeing isn't the same as being hostile,

and being a friend means sharing your thoughts. You're not being a friend otherwise.

[MichiganVote]

5. Stop reading the crap. If he can understand tell him that you've sworn off

politics until after the election, he may stop sending the stuff. But I wouldn't count on it. Its like a fever among emailers nowadays. God everyday the box is full of junk. One of my friends got mad at me for insisting that I use my private email address for personal, not political reasons. (Yeah she is a Bush supporter) But even if it had been the Kerry stuff--I don't want it in my inbox.

People have found a new way to be boundryless and they exercise it at will.

If you tell him you're a Kerry supporter he may send more.

[PittLib]

10. yeah ...

Ironically, it's a year round deal and has actually lightened up of late. If I tell him my views, I am afraid that he will try to "save" me.

[atreides1]

6. My Take

Tell him where you stand and what you believe in, and that you want to keep in touch with him, but you do not want hate filled e-mails.

If he cannot accept it, then block him. You have to do what's best for you. In the end the decision is yours.

[fdr_hst_fan]

11. Atreides1 is right-

be straight with him; if you lose his friendship on this score, then you weren't really close to begin with.

[deutsey]

7. I lost a friend who is conservative and born again

when I told him my views.

Although I tried very hard to tell him my views and not attack his, my friend was very hostile, judgmental, and unwilling to listen to what I was telling him.

So I got pissed off and he grew pissed off and we don't communicate with each other anymore.

Just be prepared to lose your friend, although, who knows, he may value your friendship more than your political views. I have another conservative friend (not a born again, though) who is still my friend despite our sometimes heated discussions.

[wickywom]

8. Sure just be gentle and friendly...

There's a great email response for fundie family members
in the general discussion forum

If you truly respect him you shouldn't be afraid to be yourself.
There is nothing wrong with sharing different perspectives.

If he starts freaking back down and play stupid... i guess.

[richmwill]

9. As a disabled person...

...born with Cerebral Palsy, I have to say that I find it a bit offensive that you want to coddle this person, to not upset him, because he's disabled. We're not "babies" that need to be humored and yes'd for the rest of our lives because we are disabled. Tell your friend where you stand. Tell him straight-out, as nice as you can. You may be surprised at how much he would understand.

[PittLib]

12. It wasn't intended as "coddling"so much...

but it is how he communicates and expresses himself. He has coordination problems and simplifies by forwarding stuff - and not stating his own opinion directly. I think I've decided on this:

With all due respect - I am a liberal and I'm voting for Kerry. Just thought I'd throw that out there. While I respect your views and appreciate your endeavors to keep me informed, I feel that it's important to let you know where I stand.

Does it work?

[richmwill]

13. That would be appropriate

Short, nice, and to the point. Sounds good to me, that's what I would send.

[PittLib]

14. Oh - I added another thread, but I lost it somehow

I took to heart what you said ... and I think that he IS coddled - especially by his parents. He's given up on being independent and lets them offer him excuses by resigning himself to the situation. They take care of him and substitute religion for hope and belief in himself. He doesn't fight. Gosh, am I seeing a pattern? A perfect Bush supporter ... blind faith and loyalty to someone who is doing you more harm than good. On the other hand, my stepdad is fighting for the right to be honest with his newly quadriplegic son about his options and circumstance, while his mother wants to "coddle him". Coddling only got him pneumonia and a horrible bedsore. The point is, you are right - but please don't take offense. Perhaps there is some personal guilt involved, but it is not a general view. And thank you!:hi:

[Big Swing]

16. That's true

You can't say you're his friend if you're not honest with him or patronize him. But also don't force your views on anyone or judge theirs. You attract more bees with honey than vinegar. Sell your opinions by example and with honest judgements. Give people the benefit of the doubt that they can make a rational descision if they are your friend, otherwise you insult their intelligence.

[djohnston]

15. If he's "born again"

then he's probably beyond rational reasoning, in my opinion. No offense to anyone here who may be born again, but I don't see it to be anything more than a way of escaping a past unflattering existence, witness dumbya. Someone who thinks they have found salvation by showing renewed allegiance to their god is not rational, and indeed not reasonable. To quote Clarence Darrow: "The end of wisdom is the fear of god. The beginning of wisdom is doubt."

[realFedUp]

17. Jesus was a liberal n/t

testing out my new sig

[Only Me]

18. I have just recently found a former classmate, who for many years

was my best friend and a political Independant. Not so hard for a Liberal to get along with. But now she is married to a very RICH husband, with a reputation as SHADY to say the least.

I drive a neon with Kerry Edwards Stickers and she drives a Lexus SUV or something with that little W04 thing in the rear window. She seems to want to be close friends again, and I really have missed her. But feelings aside, I know It won't work. Our lives and our beliefs are to different. I have chosen to avoid contact...and if/when I have to explain, I will be honest an tell her the truth. I sympathize with you, I know it's not easy to hurt someone's feelings. But I think I would just nicely tell them that you weren't going to vote for shrub and explain as little as possible. That way you might can avoid a war of words that sometimes hurts us more that it does them.

[Name removed]

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