watching a very vain woman grow old

[Tuesday Afternoon]

[Chan790]

1. I'm terrible but it's funny.

I had a great aunt that died recently who from the time I was about 8 until she died, insisted that she was 45.

I'm 31 and she's "45".

Dyed her hair weekly, outlived all her younger siblings, insisted in dressing off the rack at Forever 21, did yoga, was always on the latest health fad, commented on being more attractive than supermodels.

Oh gosh, she was a hoot...but yeah, madder than a hatter.

It was hilarious, especially when she'd try to get my grandmother to go along with her latest "we're not old" scheme.

[Ikonoklast]

7. At 45, so sad she died so young.

[Skittles]

13. I don't think Chan is saying she died at 45

I think he's saying she lived a LONG TIME, but her age stopped at 45

[Ikonoklast]

15. I didn't think I needed the sarcasm thingy.

[Skittles]

27. hard to tell

there are some DUers who STILL think Obama is playing some kind of chess game :o

[madinmaryland]

45. Ordering up an asskicking for Skittles for talking about age 45.

:grr:

[nolabear]

22. She sounds kind of cool to me.

I love those kind of people as long as they're not nervous and negative, and can take "no" for an answer.

[Odin2005]

41. Not suprising from the generation that invented the mid-life crisis.

She was a Depression Baby, I'd assume?

[jmowreader]

47. So...how old was Jacqueline Benny when she died?

[dawg]

2. I think it's sad.

Maybe because I'm beginning to feel her pain.

[lunatica]

3. We all go through the pain of realizing we're growing old

But the great majority of us get over it and actually enjoy life fully for the first time. It's a secret we old people have if we're healhty. We like being where we are far more than we ever liked being when we were young. And wisdom and experience are all there for the tapping.

I, for one, would not give up what I am or have now for being young again. Growing older is a great experience.

[hyphenate]

46. If I were a healthy 55 year old

that would be probably a better time for me, but I doubt I will be around for a long time. For me, I can't say I'm happier. I am wiser, though, and wish I could visit myself when I was much younger, and tell myself some of the things to come. I never felt attractive when I was younger, and that was a mistake--I was pretty, and I never knew it. High school, especially, is a terrible place when you have misgivings on your life, and a simple word from the right person would have changed my life completely--and all in a very positive way. But no regrets--regrets are for dinner invitations: we all have one life that we know of, and what will be, will be.

Still, I watched my SIL pass away this year of cancer at the same age as I am, and that I think is sad. Some things can rob you cruelly of your one life, as in this case, and I look at life as just a shot in the dark, or a perverse game of nature. We will all be robbed at some point, so we need to ask ourselves what is most important to us, and strive to achieve that goal, looking at no other.

[RebelOne]

6. Me too. n/t

[pink-o]

4. I voted "Sad" because of this:

Beautiful women learn very young to rely on their superficial attributes, and Society encourages their decorative qualities without nurturing anything else. That girl could grow up to be a scientist, an architect, a world leader as much as anyone else could, but she'll never be intellectually challenged as long as doors open automatically for her the minute she smiles.

Which means by the time she's starting to age, the one basket she's put all her eggs in is no longer on a steady plane. There are younger, prettier women, and suddenly the attention she's used to is no longer there and she has no other resources to fall back on.

We can say oh, boo hoo wish we had your problems, but our worship of women as decorations is just as much to blame as the woman herself.

And don't think I know all this from experience! I was not beautiful, nor poised nor had anything superficial to bring to the table when I was young. But consequently, I don't mind aging half as much as my other, prettier friends. I was friends with my high school's homecoming queen and her gorgeous entourage; they are still striking and have very fulfilled lives so it doesn't have to end up sad. But I can't say I wouldn't want to have sailed through my youth, not realising the consequences of how it would affect me later!

[nadine_mn]

12. my mom embodies this

She was ALWAYS known for her looks - always told how beautiful she was - always looked young enough to be my sister etc etc.

Then about 20 yrs ago (shit has it been that long - now I am old) right around the time she hit 40, she had an aneurysm burst. She had to go through at least 10 brain surgeries over the next couple of years - they found 4 other aneurysms, they had to clip them, put in a shunt in her neck, she had to have titanium mesh put on her scalp, complications when a clip failed...etc etc.

These surgeries took a serious toll on her health and her looks - she aged about 10 yrs overnight.

She is still beautiful, she still turns heads and looks younger than her 60 yrs. But once her looks started to fade, she had nothing left to contribute... I mean she never really bothered to develop a personality based on anything other than being pretty.

To say she is a narcissist is an understatement (clinically she is, not just my opinion) and when attention is lavished on her she gets mean quick. So now she is alone - she has been married and divorced 5x, has alienated her family and me (I still talk to her and visit, but I dread it because I never know when she will turn on me).

Being the fat kid, I developed a great sense of humor and have a wonderful marriage that has lasted longer than all 5 of my mom's combined.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. i am vain, but vain people can enjoy aging, so long as they

dont see only beauty in youth. :shrug:

[rrneck]

8. It's sad

because they are not happy with themselves.

[Tom Ripley]

9. Vanity is a gift for others, and a burden for ourselves

[girl_interrupted]

10. It's the same with very vain men, too

Practically overdosing on viagra, and some really god awful hair pieces, inappropriate clothing, and chasing after younger women, and the "I'm the same as I was at 20!" No, you're not. My friend's dad is like that, when he made a pass at me, I couldn't believe it, and I wasn't the only one...the guy is an embarrassment. You're 50 not 20, and nobody is lusting after you. I don't know what guys like that are trying to prove. He might have been hot years ago, but not today. And that's really sad.

I admire the way my grandmother aged the most. She was always very pretty and she kept good care of her appearance, always. Which I think is a good thing, you don't have let yourself go and look like a slob, thats not even attractive when you're young. She dressed age appropriate, never frumpy, always stylish. She kept her blond hair, blond, not grey and not some outlandish color, very natural looking. She kept current with all that was going on in the world. You could talk to her about anything and she knew what was going on. She loved politics. I guess you could say she was young at heart. She wasn't bitter or envious, about getting older. She was happy with her life and loved being with people, especially young people and doing things.

My friends loved her too,we would all go visit her and spend hours talking. For some reasons we all related more with her, then with our parents. She didn't try to be like us, she was herself. Had a great sense of humor. She would give you the best advice. There was an ease about her, I guess because she had been through so much in her life, there was nothing she felt you couldn't deal with and overcome. When we would ask, she would tell us what things were like in her "day". Some of it she missed, some of it, she didn't. She didn't dwell on the past. She just was an exceptional person & I miss & love her very much. I hope I'm just like her when I get old.

[frogmarch]

11. Why would anyone get a kick out of

seeing a woman age who had been pretty when young and enjoyed it? Sounds spiteful to me.

I was never a beauty, but I used to be "vain" about my sewing creations. Now I can't see well enough to thread a needle. I suppose that might be funny to some people too. Maybe Terry Pratchett was vain about his writing ability. He has Alzheimer's now. haha. :sarcasm:

[Skittles]

14. hey have you tried those non-threader needles?

I got 'em in the AS SEEN ON TV section of Walgreens - I LOVE THEM - they work! I will never have to thread another needle again ever!!!

like this:

http://www.spiraleyeneedles.com/

[frogmarch]

17. Thanks! I'll try them. :-)

[kaiden]

31. My grandmother had macular degeneration and was a seamstress.

She got "eyeless" sewing needles from the School of the Blind. One time, when she was 98 years old, she said to me, "Janny, I love being blind. I can sew in the dark!"

She never had a bad day.

[frogmarch]

32. Your grandmother was amazing. What

a great attitude toward her blindness.

[Odin2005]

42. Now THAT'S positive thinking!

:D

[Betsy Ross]

23. I thread my sewing machine needle by memory.

I haven't been able to see the hole in years. Then there is always my nearsighted husband...

[frogmarch]

24. By memory? Wow,

I'm impressed! But then you're Betsy Ross. :patriot:

[Lucinda]

25. +1

[seaglass]

30. That's exactly what I thought when I first saw this thread, cruel people who get pleasure from the

pain of others.

[quakerboy]

16. Funny, just as long as

you can avoid thinking about them as a fellow human being.

Humorous moments and anecdotes can be provided, generally belonging in the "slapstick and daytime sitcom humor" arena.

[Kali]

18. are you talking about anybody in particular?

Probably a certain amount of vanity is a good thing - might motivate one to attempt to take better/good care of ones physical self. Very vain? Probably kind of sad. Probably depends on the circumstances - I'm sure there could be some funny events concerning such a woman...???:shrug:

[dimbear]

19. As a sociological reference, Rider Haggard's famous "She."

Took it pretty well, all things considered.

[MiddleFingerMom]

20. Is watching a very vain woman grow old funny or sad? I don't know -- you tell me.

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[The Velveteen Ocelot]

21. It's kind of sad.

I'm not vain - I've always been kind of homely and well aware of it -- but it kind of sucks to lose he last little bit of whatever smidgen of good looks you might have once had. Still, you try to look as good as you can while avoiding the "mutton dressed as lamb" syndrome. I had a great-aunt who, while I don't think she was exactly vain, dyed her hair a weird shade of red until she died in her '80s. It was not at all flattering. At the same time there's no need to go full-on old lady. I remember my grandma's ugly black lace-up shoes and chintz dresses and purplish hair, permed into little frizzy curls. Not going there, either.

[applegrove]

26. It is sad already that she values herself that way.

[tblue]

28. Walk a mile in her shoes. It's really nobody's business.

You never know what's going on in a person's life, so you can't really judge. Does what she does or how she looks impact your life? What does that say about you? Would you want people making judgments about how appropriate you appear according to their taste?

I don't mean to rag on you personally. Really. But please understand women become essentially invisible once they reach middle age in our society, so give that woman a break for doing whatever makes her feel a little less disappeared. Please. .

[noamnety]

35. I love this post.

Women are pretty much bombarded with the message that their worth comes at least in part from their looks - and that older women have no worth. This thread seems to reinforce that notion. Why do we have to feel glee OR feel sad that women age?

[astral]

36. +1.

I found the whole vibration of the OP post disturbing, and this is why I am reading one by one every post underneath it. A thought that crosses my mind FREQUENTLY, I don't know why, is that I want to age gracefully myself.

You're probably disgustingly young :P to be making such a post in the first place. You may not know that while we get old and frumpy looking many of us are 18 years old in our hearts and in our minds, and we look in the mirror, and go, "when the Eff did THAT happen?" and often forget we don't look as young as we used to.

I cheer myself up by telling myself everybody born the year I was born is JUST AS OLD AS I AM, and with any luck I can fulfill my dreams of living life to the fullest for the rest of my days, at least, to the best of my ability, with what I have to work with.

Having a talent is an asset.
Having a heart is an asset.
Being good-looking is an asset.

Some of us have only one of the three, or some other asset to work with, and so in the end, which game did we win?

I guess I'd like to understand better why we're in this thread in the first place. :donut:

Okay, back to reading ...

[Art_from_Ark]

29. No thread about a "vain woman getting old" would be complete

without mention about this song, "Laugh, Laugh" by the Beau Brummels:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_GeYgT58d0

[seabeyond]

33. as sad as watching a man not able to process aging. it is more sad people would find amusement

in anothers pain.

[retread]

34. You probably think this thread is about you! Don't you?? n/t

[astral]

37. (LOL) n/t

[EastTennesseeDem]

48. haha nice

[Flaxbee]

38. Well, I'm becoming a damn fine looking middle-aged woman, if I do say so myself

:D

So don't feel bad for me. But if you're happy that I'm aging well, then, thank you!

:hi:

[Arkansas Granny]

39. I think it's sad. The women I know who would fall into that category

don't feel that they have anything left to give once their looks are gone. I have never really considered myself to be particularly pretty, so I think it's easier for me to accept my wrinkles and other signs of aging as a natural progression and just part of the face I wear now that I've gotten older. Nobody else seems to be affected by them, so there's no need for me to be bothered by them.

[Odin2005]

40. Us guys can be vain, too, you know. Nothing sadder than a guy trying to hide his obvious baldness.

as if a thin comb-over is going to hide it! :rofl:

[dimbear]

43. Just checked with Sir Walter Raleigh, who answers "risky as hell." n/t

[hyphenate]

44. Neither

Life is full of shades of grey. It's not black and white. Nothing is ever black and white.

Vanity isn't a horrible thing. It can be appropriate on the right person. Some people we expect to be vain. Some of us are good at something--are we vain for knowing that?

If someone believes in a biblical viewpoint, vanity is allegedly one of the seven deadly sins. And yet, the pope and all the bishops, cardinals, ministers and such hold their station with vanity, and are proud of how much wealth they hold (and yet pass the hat every Sunday, lying to the patrons of how "poor" the church is).

TO be honest, if vanity is the only sin this woman might possess, I think she'd done remarkably well in her life. At her death, I wouldn't feel either sad or amused at her foible, but if I knew her well, I would be more sad that she is gone, but not for that particular reason.

Besides, any one who would laugh at anyone dying is probably a sociopath anyhow, and someone who showed such tendencies should not be taken seriously at all. ;)

[Name removed]

49. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Arugula Latte]

50. Sad, esp. for women of previous generations, who were taught that looks were their entire worth.

My mother largely subscribes to this. She spends at least an hour a day applying lotions, potions and makeup. She would never get her face wet or get her hair messed up. She is in great shape as she approaches 80, but has always been almost cruel about people who don't have her natural skinny metabolism. I chubbed up in high school due to unhappiness and she was NOT sympathetic at all, which made me want to stuff my face more. I eventually slimmed down, but I could stand to lose ten or fifteen pounds, unlike my tiny mother.

Today, I'm the mom with the ponytail and little makeup who jumps into the ocean to play with my kids. My hair looks like crap, but memories are more important.

[helenmoore]

51. It’s quite sad!

Yep. It’s quite sad! She keeps herself with new era, new world. That’s not at all funny. A death cannot be funny.