It's a REALLY bad day, and things have gone completely wrong when...

[cherokeeprogressive]

you're sitting at the dinner table with your wife, and your African Gray Parrot starts talking...

Oh Jim... OH Jim! Yes... Yesss yESSSsss oHfuckYESSSSS.... HARDER... FASTER... Ohhhhh.MyyyyyGoddddddd Yes Jim!

Your wife gets up from the table and stabs the parrot to death with a butter knife...

Then it hits you....

Your name is John.

Baaaad day.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear cherokeeprogressive...

Um...

Wait...

Your name isn't John, is it?

:scared:

[cherokeeprogressive]

2. Um... It's Jim.

lolol

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. Ha! It is NOT.

It's Chris...I've seen you write it.

So. There.

:evilgrin:

[freshwest]

4. Well, hell. Reminds me of the parrot, dog and burglar story. Happier ending, though.

Beware of Holy Pets

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"

Nothing happened, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," said the voice.

The burgler stopped dead in his tracks. He looked around. In a dark corner he spotted a bird cage with a parrot in it.

"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" he asked.

"Yes," said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Moses," answered the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Moses?"

The parrot's answer: "The same idiot who named the Doberman Jesus."

(I think you know what happened then...)

[Kennah]

5. What's the shotgun for?

If I fall outta the tree before the gorilla, shoot the rottweiler.

[PuffedMica]

6. .

One night Jerry and Marcel were out with their dogs when they treed a coon up a huge sycamore. Marcel, a firm believer in giving a coon a fighting chance, climbed the tree to shake the coon out. But it wasn't a coon, it was a lynx, and it went after Marcel something terrible. The tree was a-shakin' and a-quiverin' from the battle. Marcel was getting torn up. Finally, desperate, he hollered down at Jerry, "Shoot, shoot, this thang is killin' me." Jerry hollered back, "I'm afraid to shoot, I might hit you". Marcel hollered back down, "Just shoot up here amongst us, one of us has got to have some relief."

[Major Nikon]

7. I love parrot jokes