PTSD and Diabetes

[Kalidurga]

I recently found out that I have diabetes. I haven't been to the doctor since I have gotten my test results, I have an appointment Monday. Here is the weird thing though, when I saw the results I nearly immediately connected that to PTSD. I haven't been diagnosed with that, but I have a lot of the classic signs. Mostly when stuff like Stubbenville makes the news, I will have nightmares, crying jags, and flashbacks. So, anyway among veterans those who have PTSD are twice as likely to develop diabetes as those who don't have PTSD whether they are overweight or not. I would be shocked if a study was done on survivors and the results weren't similar or that if the rates are somewhat higher for survivors.

The thing is I don't remember being sexually abused personally as a child. I have had some pretty strange and disgusting dreams. I have had insomnia since before I was 10 years old, but I sensed it was a big problem at the age of 10. I have a lot of holes in my memory even now as an adult some of them as recently as a couple of years ago.

The incident that had me spiraling out of control as far as my mental health is concerned happened when I was around 9, I think. I don't know why I can't remember how old I was, but that is the age I was in my mind anyway. My mother allowed my sister and I to babysit. When we got to the house that we were watching the kids, the mother of those kids brought their uncle to "help". I don't know how long after she left he began trying to get me to have sex with him. But, it wasn't too long after then he seemed to calm down for a bit, but started up again maybe an hour or two later. At some point I got pretty tired of it and went outside. I thought I heard screaming (it wasn't actually possible), I ran back inside and the guy was sitting on the couch by my sister and leaning over her it looked like he was whispering in her ear. I don't remember anything between that point and the point I took my sister and we were walking home about 2 miles in the dark on a chilly fall night, full moon and clear skies, very few street lights in the rural area we lived.

What my sister says happened was that she woke up to seeing me with a baseball bat aimed at his head. She says that I told him "if you don't get your hands off my sister I will knock your head off of your shoulders." He quickly got up and said he wasn't going to hurt her. I told her to get ready to go. I barely remember walking in the door when we got home. We went upstairs to bed. It was 1974 I think and the door was unlocked. I don't know why I didn't call home. I don't think even now it would have resulted in us getting a ride home. I don't know was it we didn't have a car or my parents wouldn't have seen what the issue was? Judging from my mother's response I think we were on our own. The two children were raped by their uncle that night. My mother told us about it a day later maybe two. I felt she blamed me. I am pretty sure she did. I have no idea what my dad thought, though he knew we had walked home very late at night and he knew of the two rapes. Both children were under 2 and both required surgery. I don't know what became of them whether the girl was ever able to have children or if she even wanted to or was able to have even a somewhat normal life. I doubt it her mother was a rape enabler and didn't press charges on her brother.

I had nightmares before that night, but they started in earnest after that. I started becoming an insomniac. I started becoming very aware of where doors were and that sort of thing. I also started having violent tendencies and a hair trigger temper. I saw a picture of me at around that time. I have never seen anyone look so fierce I looked like I could scare the paint off of a house. I would get into fights at the drop of a hat. I started trying to conceal my emotions. I stopped being ok with crying in front of people. I stopped being ok with letting people know what I was interested in. I wasn't even ok with people knowing I was angry. I stopped wanting to do things with other kids, I withdrew pretty deeply into myself to the point that many adults thought it was pathological, they didn't say those words. But, I was often punished for not wanting to be around other kids. I didn't particularly want to be around adults either. But, I found that preferable to other children. Anyway, I am fairly certain I had PTSD and I am fairly certain this is what has lead to me having chronic fatigue and now diabetes. I am almost 100 percent sure it is what has lead to my weight problem and many other problems especially the insomnia. Also my siblings have done no better so I am sure there were issues with my family prior and since this incident. All my siblings developed an alcohol problem all 4 of them, 3 of them also developed a problem with street drugs, drugs nearly killed my brother a few years back he then jointed AA.

I hope someday the connection between childhood abuse and mental health and how it can turn into other serious problems are fully understood and that maybe people will take it more seriously and get kids into counselling much sooner and help them monitor their health for the rest of their lives so that maybe they can avoid other serious health issues like diabetes and hypertension.