Things no one told me about being a survivor.

[redqueen]

1. Triggers aren’t as easy as they seem.

Some things are easy enough, tw: rape tw: victim blaming tw: graphic content.

Some things aren’t. How do you explain to a friend ‘If you make me feel small- I will get sick’. How do you tell a lover, ‘Don’t call me beautiful, or gorgeous, or pretty. In fact- just please, don’t say anything’.

...

2. Trauma would effect everything. Literally.

Something as simple as buying groceries, or going for a walk. Where I’m willing to be in public by myself.

What I will wear and when. And it isn’t so simple as just ‘covering up’. It’s ‘dress nice enough that no one will think there is something wrong with you’ next to ‘don’t dress too nice though- you don’t want anything to happen.’

...

3. Recovery isn’t a straight line.

The common theme seems to be ‘avoids life for x amount of days- maybe a week or two. friends come over pull victim back into the real world. there are 2, maybe 3 set backs- but by a few months- life returns to normal’

Personally it was more like ‘life goes on fast forward for the next two months, nothing is wrong- NOTHING IS WRONG- NOTHING IS WRONG IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME- crash. Refuses to deal with life 4 months. Begins to recover. set back. recover. set back. simultaneously does a little bit better in one area- and completely falls apart in another. set back. Too many weeks of wondering ‘is this behavior more attributed to recovery or relapse? how do I know?’

...

4. Recovery isn’t always about going out, facing your fears, or punching your assailant in the face.

Sometimes recovery is making art about what happened.

It is talking honestly about your fears and doubts.

It is talking- at all- about what happened to you.

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5. Love won’t actually save us.

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6. Survivors actually aren’t that uncommon.

Too often I feel alone in a crowded room, feeling like everyone knows what happened and everyone thinks I’m a monster.

But I’ve learned, that when I speak up- inevitably, other people do too.

Whether it is reading a poem at a venue, or an offhanded comment. Once one person speaks…

someone else, who thought they were all alone, speaks up too.

We aren’t alone. The more we talk, the more we reach out, the more we find one another.

and that…

was probably the most healing thing I ever did.

http://selfcareafterrape.tumblr.com/post/57441531367/1-triggers-arent-as-easy-as-they-seem-some

I hope this won't be alerted on for the extensive excerpts. I left out around half, and besides this is very important stuff. If I have to, I will pare it down, but please don't just lock or delete this.