im doomed

[undergroundpanther]

19. It says life is cruel

It says my life has been stolen, it says the world is senselessly evil and everything good about it gets wounded preyed upon exploited,used abused. Look at the world that's what it does.I can't pretend this is good because it isn't. I get sick I must kill millions of living things(bacteria) to stop the torture of their lives in my body.


You get born you must eat so animals die,they loose their young to sustain you, plants die or lose their young to sustain you, then you die,and you get burned up or pumped full of formaldehyde and put in a steel box so your body won't help anything else live.You are born dying and you are aware you will die you have no control over how or when. Talk about a sadistic situation. In some cases if you have kids,they will in turn cause death and suffering just by existing,then they either have kids to keep the sad cycle life-suffering-death going another generation.

Your siblings however if they have kids your family might remain, to keep the sad cycle going but the only way to stop another branch of the suffering that life requires to live (and die anyway)is to say the birth cycle ends with me and to not have kids.I will not force an innocent free spirit to go through the horror of birth live here in a slowly dying decaying body in a war with every other living thing to survive and die anyway.. I cannot my conscience forbids it.I made the decision to be child free when I was in 1st grade.

I can't praise life as good because it is life that causes such suffering to itself and others that want to live too, to live just to die anyway or worse perpetuate this crime called life. Life kills.We all know this but cannot hope to control it.

If life isn't balanced by death life kills itself anyway.Just look at how things really ARE,

My quiet voice is always mourning,every roadkill. Every bit of beauty fades, lost forgotten,love grows stale and cold,everything everything dies.Everything that lives murders to live. The minute we live we are dying,even in the womb. Mom innocently eats the baby within might suffer from the food,the mother is stressed the baby learns stress even before he takes his first breath.

Why?

Life is traumatic. Our survival brains hardwired to have bad memories seared into it,while good memories carry no such power in memory,our brains reward us for stepping upon others hearts chemically to be dominant, to rule over,yet some know this is wrong,those who do not win. We sometimes do the shit biologically programmed to reward us that recreate trauma. People&kids are scapegoated,even worse you don't lie you are HATED.One must suffer so another does not suffer as much,that is nature's law. And being biological creatures we are not exempt from nature's laws on it's planet. I don't lie,nature is bloody in tooth and claw mankind is a planet killer and abuse keeps our society in this top down pattern everyone is terrified to do without.

We play games,we have emotions we cannot handle,we punish others for it,and are born addicts(via chemical brain rewards) that shape our behavior and personalities in a culture that perpetuates addiction for profit by abusing and using life,just like life abuses and murders life to die anyway even self aware knowing it will die. Once in awhile a small kindness touches us,or beauty..but most of the time it's life as is.

It makes my very soul cry out at the sickness the sadness,the futility...as I wait to die anyway,knowing everything I ever loved will die and go away too like I will one day.

Even the pyramids will one day, become sand, never mind the toil of all those workers trying to stop the suffering in life to stop the death in life in a hope of somewhere beyond through exalting their Pharaoh's life of luxury and power. The Pharaoh died,the workers,their kids,all dead, one day all to sand,regardless of the care they get now in museums and the archaeologists,if the rich of today are allowed through corporations to consume the world what will it matter the memories of ages ago, when survival calls and the futility forgotten as death and life perpetuate trauma upon consciousness.?

I can have a postage stamp of happiness and peace I make up in my imagination,to run to. Hell I have whole planets in my mind holodecks for my mind's minds to imagine how to escape pain others caused me so they could survive, my minds minds can escape my minds in minds,but all my efforts will go for naught on my last breath.All I can share is words that can never express what I am what I feel and know with any true accuracy in you. Every word wrote or spoken will have to be screened by your unconsciouses before it resonates or not. You will either empathize or not,I have no control over what you think feel or do with my words.You could fashion them into a weapon of humiliation to wound me with if you feel threatened by them, or it could cause you pain, or not.

That is the reality of what life IS.


Life is a crime against consciousness.