I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

[In_The_Wind]

My first memory of being seduced was by my first stepmother's 26 year old nephew,
I believe there was something earlier that I am still blocking out. I was 9 years old.
My second stepmother sexually abused me and humiliated me when I was 15.

These rapes took place over 50 years ago. Nothing was done.
I was always told that it was my fault.
I left home the week I graduated from high school.

Most of my childhood was missing. I knew that I needed help trying to remember.
I went to several psychiatrist before I turned 25. Nothing made anything any better.

I was 50 before a new therapist was able to guide me to a better understanding of my life. The knowledge and the way it made me feel broke up my marriage.
We still share the same home as friends. Nothing more.
I cannot allow my husband to hold me in his arms. So I am alone.

Making peace with my demons isn't over yet.
Over the last few months sharing with the members of MIRT has helped.
My birth mother walked out when I was 18 months old. That would have made it sometime in February. This month has been one of nonstop crying for the child that no one took care of. No one protected.

I can remember telling my father that I didn't ask to be born. That he needed to take better care of me. That is something a child of 9 should never have said. Not once.
I said it several times.

Today the only person that I trust is myself. It's lonely but it's safe.