2016 Postmortem

DFW

(59,033 posts)

41. I don't have to. My wife talks about it openly

Sun Oct 9, 2016, 05:18 PM

Oct 2016

Before we met, she was at the Universität Münster (Westfalen), and they were already pretty open back then to admitting large numbers of students from Africa and the Middle East. She met some African from a Muslim part of the continent and got into a conversation with him. It was near dinner time, and she offered to make him dinner in her dorm. In his culture, it meant she was asking for sex, and he acted appropriately. She was from a small town in the farm area of the north of Niedersachsen, and not really familiar with social norms outside of Europe. When he jumped her in her apartment, she was caught totally unawares and scared out of her wits. But she is also tall (5'10&quot and quite strong, and she beat him off and kicked him out of the apartment. He sent her notes and flowers for a while after that, but she just didn't answer. A few others tried, but after this, she was ready for it, and it never got to the point where she left herself open to another such situation.

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Guys, ask your wife/girlfriend if she has ever been groped... It's not something we talk about... [View all] boston bean Oct 2016 OP

My wife Oldem Oct 2016 #1

I hate these type of comments, because it insults victims imo obamanut2012 Oct 2016 #4

+1 narnian60 Oct 2016 #8

It's the kind of response that makes men really happy though- and apparently that's the important bettyellen Oct 2016 #17

+ a brazillion! nt tblue37 Oct 2016 #38

Thank you. A million times thank you! Pacifist Patriot Oct 2016 #58

I wish I'd fought back. I didn't. mainer Oct 2016 #65

Would I now, at 44? If it were possible. But not when I was 21, or 10, when it first happened. RayOfHope Oct 2016 #14

(((hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #27

Especially if that person has power over you, as is so often the case, because those gropey grabs tblue37 Oct 2016 #39

Yeah, assumptions like that are what keep women silent.... bettyellen Oct 2016 #16

you should delete your post. mopinko Oct 2016 #18

this^^^^^^ nt lillypaddle Oct 2016 #53

I disagree. Pacifist Patriot Oct 2016 #59

Absolutely not. It should stay. mainer Oct 2016 #72

I was 9 years old. He was a grown man, a total stranger. Butterbean Oct 2016 #20

(((hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #24

Thank you. :) Butterbean Oct 2016 #26

This message was self-deleted by its author DesertRat Oct 2016 #21

(((hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #25

Unfortunately, the sentiment you shared would make it unlikely .... etherealtruth Oct 2016 #32

Don't be so sure. Between the shock and humiliation, a person tends to freeze. I know I did. catbyte Oct 2016 #37

That's very much what I had to put up with. Unfortunately couldn't quit unapatriciated Oct 2016 #63

I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I had the luxury to quit because I had few real financial catbyte Oct 2016 #67

I was 12 and he was a trusted adult Hekate Oct 2016 #46

(((hugs))) i am sorry this happened to you! boston bean Oct 2016 #74

My husband would have thought the same. Pacifist Patriot Oct 2016 #56

Depending on the woman's age, maybe she would. mainer Oct 2016 #66

Maybe, but who knows? I now think that if the things that Dark n Stormy Knight Oct 2016 #76

When the negative responses began showing up, Oldem Oct 2016 #79

My husband seemed surprised. GreenPartyVoter Oct 2016 #2

I bet most would be. boston bean Oct 2016 #3

As comments show, most guys don't think this happens as much as it does obamanut2012 Oct 2016 #5

My heart breaks and I cry when I read about little girl and teens... Such a loss of innocence and boston bean Oct 2016 #7

I only told him about the man who called me when I was about 13, claiming to be conducting GreenPartyVoter Oct 2016 #9

This happened to me when I was in high school (m) RayOfHope Oct 2016 #15

I am not surprised, and so very sorry! *hugs* GreenPartyVoter Oct 2016 #22

So was I years ago.... paleotn Oct 2016 #60

knr Lucinda Oct 2016 #6

+1, tRump goes beyond just groping into kissing without asking etc... that's more fucked up uponit7771 Oct 2016 #11

My wife said it has never happened to her, but my younger daughter was the victim of guillaumeb Oct 2016 #28

I can relate to the shame.. Who wouldn't?? even in this thread, it is intimated we needed to boston bean Oct 2016 #29

I read the responses. guillaumeb Oct 2016 #31

I am so very pleased to hear your daughter has/had the support she needed. Makes me feel really boston bean Oct 2016 #33

Our whole family is also pleased. And this points out the critical issue of access to mental health guillaumeb Oct 2016 #35

I was groped by a guy that I report to at work HipChick Oct 2016 #36

I am sorry that happened ! (((Hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #43

Ain't gotta. I was raised by women. (n/t) Iggo Oct 2016 #40

I don't have to. My wife talks about it openly DFW Oct 2016 #41

Woah. boston bean Oct 2016 #42

She just filed it under "lesson learned" and moved on. DFW Oct 2016 #48

Here's a story from the New Yorker re same TuxedoKat Oct 2016 #44

Thank you. boston bean Oct 2016 #47

Thank you for the link GeoWilliam750 Oct 2016 #69

I told my husband about my rape in college 30+ years ago Paula Sims Oct 2016 #45

I was about 9 months pregnant & pushing a stroller when some guy grabbed my butt. Hekate Oct 2016 #49

Damn! (((hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #50

I would not want to share any of these stories Xipe Totec Oct 2016 #51

Really? We might "confide" this information? lillypaddle Oct 2016 #52

whooooosh obamanut2012 Oct 2016 #55

It's not a heteronormative issue FreeState Oct 2016 #54

About 20 years ago GWC58 Oct 2016 #57

Of course, you already know and how she feels about it. boston bean Oct 2016 #61

1969, I was in Vietnam . . . OldRedneck Oct 2016 #62

I don't have to ask to know the unfirtunate answer Txbluedog Oct 2016 #68

Thank you for starting this thread GeoWilliam750 Oct 2016 #70

During my senior year in HS, I worked after school for a williesgirl Oct 2016 #71

Dec 1969 #