2016 Postmortem

catbyte

(37,921 posts)

37. Don't be so sure. Between the shock and humiliation, a person tends to freeze. I know I did.

Sun Oct 9, 2016, 05:09 PM

Oct 2016

And my dad taught me to defend myself. The groping occurred at my job when I was 19. I took a job as a waitress in a bowling alley while I was in college. The bowling alley was close to home and school. I lasted 3 days. I could handle the obscene comments and gestures. I could not handle a table full of men trying to feel up my skirt. I told my boss, who told me to "just go along with them. They don't mean anything by it. Besides, you'll get better tips."

It was 35 years ago and I still remember the feelings of shame and powerlessness.

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Guys, ask your wife/girlfriend if she has ever been groped... It's not something we talk about... [View all] boston bean Oct 2016 OP

My wife Oldem Oct 2016 #1

I hate these type of comments, because it insults victims imo obamanut2012 Oct 2016 #4

+1 narnian60 Oct 2016 #8

It's the kind of response that makes men really happy though- and apparently that's the important bettyellen Oct 2016 #17

+ a brazillion! nt tblue37 Oct 2016 #38

Thank you. A million times thank you! Pacifist Patriot Oct 2016 #58

I wish I'd fought back. I didn't. mainer Oct 2016 #65

Would I now, at 44? If it were possible. But not when I was 21, or 10, when it first happened. RayOfHope Oct 2016 #14

(((hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #27

Especially if that person has power over you, as is so often the case, because those gropey grabs tblue37 Oct 2016 #39

Yeah, assumptions like that are what keep women silent.... bettyellen Oct 2016 #16

you should delete your post. mopinko Oct 2016 #18

this^^^^^^ nt lillypaddle Oct 2016 #53

I disagree. Pacifist Patriot Oct 2016 #59

Absolutely not. It should stay. mainer Oct 2016 #72

I was 9 years old. He was a grown man, a total stranger. Butterbean Oct 2016 #20

(((hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #24

Thank you. :) Butterbean Oct 2016 #26

This message was self-deleted by its author DesertRat Oct 2016 #21

(((hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #25

Unfortunately, the sentiment you shared would make it unlikely .... etherealtruth Oct 2016 #32

Don't be so sure. Between the shock and humiliation, a person tends to freeze. I know I did. catbyte Oct 2016 #37

That's very much what I had to put up with. Unfortunately couldn't quit unapatriciated Oct 2016 #63

I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I had the luxury to quit because I had few real financial catbyte Oct 2016 #67

I was 12 and he was a trusted adult Hekate Oct 2016 #46

(((hugs))) i am sorry this happened to you! boston bean Oct 2016 #74

My husband would have thought the same. Pacifist Patriot Oct 2016 #56

Depending on the woman's age, maybe she would. mainer Oct 2016 #66

Maybe, but who knows? I now think that if the things that Dark n Stormy Knight Oct 2016 #76

When the negative responses began showing up, Oldem Oct 2016 #79

My husband seemed surprised. GreenPartyVoter Oct 2016 #2

I bet most would be. boston bean Oct 2016 #3

As comments show, most guys don't think this happens as much as it does obamanut2012 Oct 2016 #5

My heart breaks and I cry when I read about little girl and teens... Such a loss of innocence and boston bean Oct 2016 #7

I only told him about the man who called me when I was about 13, claiming to be conducting GreenPartyVoter Oct 2016 #9

This happened to me when I was in high school (m) RayOfHope Oct 2016 #15

I am not surprised, and so very sorry! *hugs* GreenPartyVoter Oct 2016 #22

So was I years ago.... paleotn Oct 2016 #60

knr Lucinda Oct 2016 #6

+1, tRump goes beyond just groping into kissing without asking etc... that's more fucked up uponit7771 Oct 2016 #11

My wife said it has never happened to her, but my younger daughter was the victim of guillaumeb Oct 2016 #28

I can relate to the shame.. Who wouldn't?? even in this thread, it is intimated we needed to boston bean Oct 2016 #29

I read the responses. guillaumeb Oct 2016 #31

I am so very pleased to hear your daughter has/had the support she needed. Makes me feel really boston bean Oct 2016 #33

Our whole family is also pleased. And this points out the critical issue of access to mental health guillaumeb Oct 2016 #35

I was groped by a guy that I report to at work HipChick Oct 2016 #36

I am sorry that happened ! (((Hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #43

Ain't gotta. I was raised by women. (n/t) Iggo Oct 2016 #40

I don't have to. My wife talks about it openly DFW Oct 2016 #41

Woah. boston bean Oct 2016 #42

She just filed it under "lesson learned" and moved on. DFW Oct 2016 #48

Here's a story from the New Yorker re same TuxedoKat Oct 2016 #44

Thank you. boston bean Oct 2016 #47

Thank you for the link GeoWilliam750 Oct 2016 #69

I told my husband about my rape in college 30+ years ago Paula Sims Oct 2016 #45

I was about 9 months pregnant & pushing a stroller when some guy grabbed my butt. Hekate Oct 2016 #49

Damn! (((hugs))) boston bean Oct 2016 #50

I would not want to share any of these stories Xipe Totec Oct 2016 #51

Really? We might "confide" this information? lillypaddle Oct 2016 #52

whooooosh obamanut2012 Oct 2016 #55

It's not a heteronormative issue FreeState Oct 2016 #54

About 20 years ago GWC58 Oct 2016 #57

Of course, you already know and how she feels about it. boston bean Oct 2016 #61

1969, I was in Vietnam . . . OldRedneck Oct 2016 #62

I don't have to ask to know the unfirtunate answer Txbluedog Oct 2016 #68

Thank you for starting this thread GeoWilliam750 Oct 2016 #70

During my senior year in HS, I worked after school for a williesgirl Oct 2016 #71

Dec 1969 #