'We Need More American-Made Semiconductors,' Says Man Who Barely Understands How A Stapler Works

[Zorro]

TACOMA, WA—Arguing that “an enormous push” was needed in the manufacturing of the cutting-edge technology, Dalton Robinson, a man who barely understands how a stapler works, reportedly stated, “We need more American-made semiconductors,” in conversation Tuesday.

“If we want to compete on a global scale, we need more of those computer chips, and we need them fast,” said Robinson, a senior content strategist who could not have begun to explain the mechanisms of a stapler, let alone figure out how to open the empty one on his desk that needed refilling.

“We’re dependent on way too many foreign entities. China is beating us right now. Frankly, they’re eating our lunch.”

At press time, Robinson had made a sweeping hand gesture to underscore his point, which revealed that his fingers were stapled together.

https://www.theonion.com/we-need-more-american-made-semiconductors-says-man-w-1850299048