President Trump to undergo medical exam at Walter Reed, White House says

[Miles Archer]

19. SPOILER: Leaked Exam Results!

Courtesy of Ronny "Dr Feelgood" Jackson, former White House Physician:

"In my 58 years of life, I have never witnessed a more superb specimen of peak male physical fitness than President Donald John Trump. My GOD, from his rock-hard pecs to his washboard abs to his bulging biceps, he is pure, undiluted, unadulterated testosterone of a magnitude that has never been witnessed before, and may never be witnessed again.

His cognitive abilities are humbling to the average observer. His keen intelligence and ability to grasp the most complex concepts are, quite frankly, an embarrassment of riches. His lightning-fast response to virtually any question is thorough, thoughtful, and detailed.

He looks great in his trademarked blue suit, and even better in swim trunks. Don't let the fact that I was demoted from the rank of Retired Rear Admiral to Retired Captain by the Navy influence you when it comes to my expert diagnosis of this great, golden god among men.

I could easily see President Trump serving 20 more consecutive terms in office, with no diminishing of his physical or mental stamina.

Because I, ee I, ee I, will always love you, ee I, ee I, will always love you, PRESIDENT TRUMP!"

- Ronny Lynn Jackson, former White House Physician, currently in the elimination rounds on Dancing with the Stars