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In reply to the discussion: because apparently some people think this is up for debate [View all]geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)15. was a debate over this quote from an author:
While the label date rape has helped women articulate the most dramatic aspect of dating from womens perspective, men have no labels to help them articulate the most traumatic aspects of dating from their perspective. Now, of course, the most traumatic aspect is the possibility of being accused of date rape by a woman to whom he thought he was making love. If men did label the worst aspects of the traditional male role, though, they might label them date robbery, date rejection, date responsibility, date fraud, and date lying. The worst aspect of dating from the perspective of many men is how dating can feel to a man like robbery by social custom the social custom of him taking money out of his pocket, giving it to her, and calling it a date. To a young man, the worst dates feel like being robbed and rejected. Boys risk death to avoid rejection (e.g., by joining the Army) Evenings of paying to be rejected can feel like a male version of date rape If a man ignoring a womans verbal no is committing date rape, then a woman who says no with her verbal language but yes with her body language is committing date fraud. And a woman who continues to be sexual even after she says no is committing date lying.
Do women still do this? Two feminists found the answer is yes. Nearly 40 percent of college women acknowledged they had said no to sex even when they meant yes. In my own work with over 150,000 men and women about half of whom are single the answer is also yes. Almost all single women acknowledge they have agreed to go back to a guys place just to talk but were nevertheless responsive to his first kiss. Almost all acknowledge theyve recently said something like Thats far enough for now, even as her lips are still kissing and her tongue is still touching his. We have forgotten that before we began calling this date rape and date fraud, we called it exciting. Somehow, womens romance novels are not titled He Stopped When I Said No. They are, though, titled Sweet Savage Love, in which the woman rejects the hand of her gentler lover who saves her from the rapist and marries the man who repeatedly and savagely rapes her. It is this marry the rapist theme that not only turned Sweet Savage Love into a best-seller but also into one of womens most enduring romance novels. It is important that a womans noes be respected and her yeses be respected. And it is also important when her nonverbal yeses (tongues still touching) conflict with those verbal noes that the man not be put in jail for choosing the yes over the no. He might just be trying to become her fantasy.
Do women still do this? Two feminists found the answer is yes. Nearly 40 percent of college women acknowledged they had said no to sex even when they meant yes. In my own work with over 150,000 men and women about half of whom are single the answer is also yes. Almost all single women acknowledge they have agreed to go back to a guys place just to talk but were nevertheless responsive to his first kiss. Almost all acknowledge theyve recently said something like Thats far enough for now, even as her lips are still kissing and her tongue is still touching his. We have forgotten that before we began calling this date rape and date fraud, we called it exciting. Somehow, womens romance novels are not titled He Stopped When I Said No. They are, though, titled Sweet Savage Love, in which the woman rejects the hand of her gentler lover who saves her from the rapist and marries the man who repeatedly and savagely rapes her. It is this marry the rapist theme that not only turned Sweet Savage Love into a best-seller but also into one of womens most enduring romance novels. It is important that a womans noes be respected and her yeses be respected. And it is also important when her nonverbal yeses (tongues still touching) conflict with those verbal noes that the man not be put in jail for choosing the yes over the no. He might just be trying to become her fantasy.
the person was defending the author and his claims, I was calling the author a rape apologist misogynist swine.
the author is very popular in one particular group here, btw, you'll never guess which one
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actually. you are wrong. no does mean no. even if playing a game, there is a safe word... for no
seabeyond
May 2014
#29
we are not starting with me. but. that is a fact. no does indeed mean no. even playing a game.
seabeyond
May 2014
#54
since it was an "essentially" i was not totally clear. and i was reiterating.
seabeyond
May 2014
#62
You're the one playing semantics. No means no. If certain people want to substitute a different word
redqueen
May 2014
#61
I've noticed most of those posters come out late at night. Must feel lonely or bored...
freshwest
May 2014
#75
Well, that was my first thought, too, but I didn't want to be accused of being a man-hating '___.'
freshwest
May 2014
#77
Ah, so this is a thinly veiled callout thread. Why not include a link too while you're at it? nt
Electric Monk
May 2014
#12
If your purpose is "to see who is actually more inline with community standards" then I'm with you
Jim Lane
May 2014
#102
The "host" coupled with the quote gave me a good idea who you meant...and...
Spider Jerusalem
May 2014
#18
there is a potentially interesting discussion of the interesection of art (particularly cinema) and
el_bryanto
May 2014
#20
Nods - I guess I'm thinking along those lines because of Andrew O'Herir's article
el_bryanto
May 2014
#25
"Evenings of paying to be rejected can feel like a male version of date rape." ??????
gollygee
May 2014
#23
Yes. A few people here used to go on and on about how the president asked him to
redqueen
May 2014
#30
Surely it's true! If you can't trust a rape and pedophilia apologist then who can you trust?
redqueen
May 2014
#38
I think his comments about "family sex" (his euphemism for incest) are even worse. nt
redqueen
May 2014
#34
I heard of him when someone posted an OP about his book - The Myth of Male Power.
redqueen
May 2014
#41
I was reading that too and this person is sick and demented, surely hope NOBODY on this forum
randys1
May 2014
#47
"We have forgotten that before we began calling this date rape and date fraud,we called it excitin"?
uppityperson
May 2014
#55
ugh. It reminds me of an ex who warned me about what to expect, re-entering the dating scene
uppityperson
May 2014
#68
was that from July 2012 post as search gave me a post by him then with this in it, or more recent?
uppityperson
May 2014
#71
thanks. I am willing to give people a chance to update opinions and appreciate seeing them.
uppityperson
May 2014
#73
"No means no" is easy. What "yes" means is sometimes easy, but sometimes hard. N.T.
Donald Ian Rankin
May 2014
#13
no means no. and if a yes cause she is cowardly and cannot walk beyond the societal structures that
seabeyond
May 2014
#14
Oh, lookee! He's got a book! And a website! And he lives abroad! What cool beans! PM?
freshwest
May 2014
#74
exactly, there is no interpretation to be done when a no has been spoken nt
geek tragedy
May 2014
#48
several people have endorsed the work of an author who has made that claim.
geek tragedy
May 2014
#91
In another thread, I just saw someone actually post that if anything bad happens
Jamastiene
May 2014
#92
we'lll see if the other misogynist pigs are over at discussionist or whether they're
geek tragedy
May 2014
#96