"all men are potential rapists"

[Luminous Animal]

218. I'll make sure to let my daughter know that pacalo's husband is a-okay and to go

right ahead and get into an elevator alone with him. Could you please give me his name and driver's license # so she can start checking IDs in case she runs into him?

FYI, potential does not mean future, or probable, or likely. And I think the problem with that phrase is that most people think it means all or one of those three.

I really don't appreciate you mocking the level of precautions that many women take when stepping out in the world. The vast majority of women don't consciously feel that there is a high level of risk because precautions against risk have been ingrained in them and their precautions are rote. I've was raised with them and I've raised my daughter to be aware of potential dangers. I taught her defense skills. Funny enough, her dad was far more freaked out about expanding her freedom and there were many things that I let her do in secret - that is, we outright lied to him - because if we had told him the truth, he would have vigorously fought permission for her to engage in about 1/3-1/2 of her tweenage and teenage activity. In my experience, most mothers are willing to allow more freedom for their daughters than most dads are.

Now, I'd like to revisit the notion that "all men are potential rapists". It does not mean that all men have the inclination to rape given the opportunity. It means that women need to realize the majority of rapists aren't the scary abductors on the street. It means that a rapist can be that scary stranger man or a rapist can be "regular ole man". An uncle, a dad, a stepdad, a boyfriend, a husband, a neighbor, a classmate, an acquaintance; and since 80% of rapes and sexual assaults are committed by someone the woman knows, all the "stranger danger" precautions don't mean squat in real life situations. I myself was raised on the stranger danger model and was sexually assaulted in the 1960s by two uncles and didn't say a word to anyone. I raised my daughter in the 1990s, and in concurrence with all the public education warning her about how to protect herself out on the streets, I made sure that she had the skills to protect herself domestically, as well.

Finally, a friend of mine was abducted by a co-workers husband and raped and tortured for three days in a hotel in the desert. She managed to escape. She was his first victim to do so. She and everyone who knew him, including his wife, were incredulous that he was capable of doing such. My friend still states that up to the point that he was behind her with his arm around her neck and a knife in her back, he was a very nice guy.