Is he dead yet?

[QueerDuck]

19. "The Thin Man in DC"

Setting: A garishly decorated but dimly lit oval room, adorned with half-finished plates of McDonalds hamburgers and greasy french fries, and empty burger wrappers and fry boxes strewn about... and ketchup stands on the wall. A half-empty case of Diet-Coke is visible on the table. The room has an air of opulent decay, and urine... reflecting the life of the late politician.

(Nick stands by the table, examining a plate, a smirk creeping across his face. Nora enters, holding a martini.)

Nora: (leans against the door frame) So, what’s the verdict, detective? Did he gorge himself to death, or did someone give him a little too much love with the fries?

Nick: (picks up a ketchup bottle, shakes it) You know, I used to think ketchup was just for burgers. Turns out, it’s also a great cover-up.

Nora: (raises an eyebrow) Sounds like the start of a bad joke.

Nick: (grinning) The punchline is, “Is it too late to call it murder?”

(Nick walks to the window, peering out into the South Lawn and the former location of the Rose Garden.)

Nora: You’re not telling me you think his wife did it? I mean, she looked like she couldn’t survive a one-alarm fire, let alone murder.

Nick: (turns back, serious) Ah, but therein lies the rub, my dear. A fat, corrupt politician—beloved by no one—piles on the hamburgers like they’re his only friends. But the second his Slovenian wife enters the picture?

Nora: You think she could've choked him herself?

Nick: (nods, pacing) That’s just it! She’s quiet, demure, and all smiles when the cameras are rolling. But behind those tightly pulled beady little eyes? I suspect there’s a fire, and she’s too close to those fryer baskets for comfort.

(Nora takes a sip of her martini, contemplating.)

Nora: So you think she offed him to move back to Slovenia with his money and a suitcase full of those fancy gilded wall decorations from Home Depot?

Nick: (winks) Or perhaps she needed an escape route. Who needs romance when you’ve got a free pass to paradise waiting for you?

(Nora walks to the meal remnants, peering closely at the fries.)

Nora: So how do we catch this culinary culprit?

Nick: (leaning in, eyes sparkling) Ahhh... we bake her cake! Or, well, a burger. See who chokes on what we serve.

Nora: (laughs) And here I thought you only wanted to grill her about the details, not serve her a side of justice with a side of fries.

Nick: (leans against the table, a glimmer in his eye) It’s all about seasoning, darling. And if she’s guilty, she’ll be getting a double order of the truth.

(They share a knowing look, clinking their glasses together. Fade out with the sound of laughter echoing through the dining room.)

Nora: To the mysteries of life, love, and lethal lunches!

Nick: (grinning slyly) Ha-ha... indeed! Let’s hope this one doesn't end with a fat lady singing.

### END SCENE ###