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nycbos

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8. God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule

Sun Jul 25, 2021, 07:35 PM

Jul 2021

NEW YORK—Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.

“Look, I don’t know, maybe I haven’t made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again,” said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. “Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don’t. And to be honest, I’m really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand.”

https://www.theonion.com/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule-1819566178

Seems like this needs to be repeated.

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Highlight:

AFFIDAVIT: Suspect set house on fire because family didn't follow Bible [View all] turbinetree Jul 2021 OP

Christian fundamentalism is becoming a death cult. Initech Jul 2021 #1

He's an idiot Jilly_in_VA Jul 2021 #2

Bible also says not to murder people, so I guess he doesn't follow it either... RockRaven Jul 2021 #3

He deserves their thanks. This is a lesson on how it would be in the afterlife 3Hotdogs Jul 2021 #4

Isn't that what the Taliban do? Deuxcents Jul 2021 #5

This house is clear. TheBlackAdder Jul 2021 #6

Texas man sets house on fire after concluding the family living there didn't follow the Bible LetMyPeopleVote Jul 2021 #7

God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule nycbos Jul 2021 #8

This idiot looks like a TFG supporter LetMyPeopleVote Jul 2021 #9