Male Privilege

[KansDem]

119. Agreed.

Unfortunately, the mindset still exists.

There still remains a subtle form of sexism that I'd like to address. There still seems to be a divide between what "men" do and what "women" do.

For example, it used to be in my house that when the pilot light went out on the water heater, it's "my job" to light it. Why? My wife could do it as easily as I could. Why are some "jobs" meant for men to do and some for women to do?

I like to believe there is no "division of labor" in my house: I wash dishes, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. I tended to my infant daughter; changed her diapers, bathed her, fed her, and watched her for a year while I was working on my PhD. My wife and I shared responsibilities.

We started our marriage with a "50/50" approach to household responsibilities, although my wife's health now prevents her from doing much of the work, so my involvement in maintaining the house and yard has increased dramatically.

But there is no denying that the mindset of "men's chores" and "women's chores" exists and is perpetuated by women as much as men. Let me cite an example. I had an opportunity to visit the United Kingdom in the late 1980s. It was a tour set up by the college I was attending and offered great savings on air flight, hotel, meals, and sight seeing. And it was open to the general public as well as the students.

The tour group consisted of about 2/3 students and 1/3 residents of the community. We had a fabulous time! The day we were leaving to return to the US, we were instructed to bring our luggage down to the lobby as the coach driver wanted to load our bags. There was a roped off area for us to do so. Many of us dropped off our luggage and went to breakfast in the hotel restaurant. We had just enough time to eat before boarding the bus.

However, there was one student who was constantly late, i.e. tours, sightseeing, etc. Late for practically everything! Well, I dropped off my bags and went to eat. When I finished, I went to board the bus--we had only a few minutes as the driver was almost finished--and here comes this student through the lobby with her bag to leave as she went into the restaurant. I thought, "How is she going to eat and be on the bus in time to leave?"

I didn't notice what happened to her. Her bag got loaded, however, she didn't get on the bus in time and we left for the airport. To make a long story short, we arrived at the airport; the driver unloaded the baggage; we collected our baggage and went to wait in line to check in. We could see the sidewalk from our line and saw one bag remaining: the student's.

We had gotten word that the student was taking a taxi to the airport, but while we were standing there, an older woman from the community looked over at a few of us guys and asked, "Well, are any of you going to bring that bag in?" I stood there wondering why it was "our" responsibility. None of us said anything, to which she added, rather huffily, "If it was mine, I'd want someone to get it!"

I looked at her and said, "All right, I'll get it. But you'll have to look after it." She didn't say anything after that and the "discussion" was dropped as the student had arrived in the cab and retrieved her luggage in time to get in line with the rest of us.

The point is: why were we "boys" expected to fetch the bags? Why didn't the woman just go out on the sidewalk and get them herself? Is it because it was a "man's responsibility?" Was it because it involved "physical labor?" Was it because it involved a “weak female?”

The lady didn’t say why we “boys” should be the ones tasked with retrieving and watching the bag. Although this was only one experience, I've noticed such attitudes all my life.

My mom was a remarkable woman. She could perform minor electrical and plumbing work around the house. She could do minor carpentry. And I helped her frequently. We did "home improvement" on the weekends or summers when I wasn't in school. I guess I’m spoiled because I don't understand the division of "men's work" and "women's work,” a view shared by both sexes. It's getting better but there's still a way to go.

I remember reading stories during the late '60s and '70s about "liberated women" who could change the oil in their car or operate a table saw. Why not? It's all about independence. And about realizing one's dreams and aspirations. Don’t depend on someone else to do it for you.

While women have made great strides in equality, there is still a lingering sexism in attitudes about who does what shared by both sexes.