Bereavement
Related: About this forumMy 41-year-old nephew died suddenly yesterday.
Tom was a firefighter and paramedic in a Chicago suburb. He had been married for 14 years and had a 13-year-old son, as well as four grown stepchildren.
He had some sort of fall at home, I still don't know the details. But he hit his head on something and had a big gash from it. His wife tried to get him to go to the ER, but he refused. That happened on Thursday.
Yesterday, he collapsed at home. His wife called the ambulance. His heart stopped while the paramedics were there, but they brought him back. At the hospital, a trauma surgeon determined that it was a massive TBI and that he'd suffered a serious brain bleed and he wouldn't survive.
His wife, son, parents and one of his two sisters were with him when they shut off whatever life supports they had put him on. The mayor of the town he worked for, his fire chief and many of his fellow firefighters also were on hand. The support was amazing.
This is devastating because it was so unexpected and so fast. He had survived cancer 13 years ago with no recurrence. He was strong, he was healthy, he had years ahead of him.
I last saw him three weeks ago tonight. We talked about the future. Now he has none. Thanks for listening.

DUgosh
(3,123 posts)For your tremendous loss
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)spooky3
(37,999 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Irish_Dem
(76,303 posts)What a tragedy for everyone.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
MontanaMama
(24,557 posts)This is just awful. I am so very sorry, gaot.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)He was way too young.
CottonBear
(21,615 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Rorey
(8,514 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)AJT
(5,240 posts)A sudden death is shocking and hard to wrap your head around. I lost my husband suddenly and I am still lost after 3 years. For his son to lose his male role model during his early teens is devastating. It is a comfort that the family has a support system. Again, I am so sorry for your families pain.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband.
Equomba
(197 posts)My wife and I often talk about how we are just one step away from getting hit by the proverbial bus, i.e. who knows what the next day will bring. I have a 36 year old nephew, married with an absolutely incredible daughter... he could be in the running for father of the year. I can't imagine how I would react to such a death, especially when it appears to be a freak accident.
My thoughts are with you.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)My nephew and his son adored each other. The sun rose and set for them. He's inconsolable right now.
Kali
(56,493 posts)I am so sorry!
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
sprinkleeninow
(21,748 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Cha
(315,038 posts)


greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)

niyad
(127,901 posts)you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Solly Mack
(95,852 posts)Unexpected loss can knock us off kilter. It hits hard.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Thanks.
cayugafalls
(5,936 posts)May you and his family find peace.
cf...
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)I appreciate your kind words.
AwakeAtLast
(14,315 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
Wounded Bear
(63,223 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)I have to wonder if his refusal to get what he needed wasn't caused in part by the head injury itself.
Wounded Bear
(63,223 posts)the kind that says 'rub a little dirt on it and get back in the game.'
This is a sad story, especially for all involved who have been left behind.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Plus, like the rest of us, he was stubborn.
kairos12
(13,413 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)It's hit us all hard.
Desert grandma
(1,071 posts)So very sorry for your family's loss. May you find comfort in your love and support of one another.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Thanks for your kind words.
Demobrat
(10,219 posts)Shocking and heartbreaking for everyone, but adults have had time to learn that terrible things can and do happen. A childhood shouldnt have to end that way.
So sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)He has two much older half brothers, but both live in California. But it'll never be the same.
My nephew was 12 years younger than his wife, so the ages are a bit weird. Thanks.
skylucy
(3,987 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)SheltieLover
(74,451 posts)So saddened to learn of your tragic loss.
Healing vibes on the way to you & your family. 💓💓💓
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)It doesn't quite seem real yet.
SheltieLover
(74,451 posts)And that might be a good thing. Jury is still out on that here, years later.
My heart just aches for you & your family, especially his son.
Please remember to eat, sleep, and do some deep breathing to stay centered.
I'm here if you want to chat.
cate94
(3,019 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
applegrove
(128,789 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)secondwind
(16,903 posts)wife, you, the entire family
. Wow, life is so fleeting
You will all be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)And so sudden.
soldierant
(9,044 posts)which carry within themselves as symptoms the resistance to treatment.
They almost seem diabolocal. I hope his widow is not blaming herself for caling an ambulance at the time of the initial injury. She couldn't hve known.
SheltieLover
(74,451 posts)Thank you for bringing this up!
His wife did the best she could at the timd with the information she had.
This will go a long way towards avoiding survivor's guilt.
Ty!
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)But he kept insisting that he would be fine. When the time is right, I'll suggest grief counseling. Thanks.
SheltieLover
(74,451 posts)Yw
soldierant
(9,044 posts)My 76-year life has been affected many times by people with one or the other of these conditions. They break my heart.
And I am reminded of anti-vaxxers - who, unless you believe their disease is mass psychosis (and it might be) don't have that excuse. But I really don't know what to think of them - except that they are dangerous to those round them.
SheltieLover
(74,451 posts)It is heart breaking for sure. 😢
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)I think that we'll all tell her that she shouldn't feel like she did wrong. He told her that he'd refuse to go.
SheltieLover
(74,451 posts)It's important for him to grasp that mom made every effort, too.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)He could have been at school.
SheltieLover
(74,451 posts)💔
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
relayerbob
(7,288 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)We're all wrecks right now.
vercetti2021
(10,461 posts)Sounds like one hell of a man
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Thanks.
murielm99
(32,426 posts)What a sudden blow for all of you. No wonder you are in a state of unbelief.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
MustLoveBeagles
(13,679 posts)It must have been such a shock.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,180 posts)This is beyond sad
Right now my older brother, who is 78 years old, is in hospital with a raging infection. He was supposed to have surgery this morning, removing some masses on a kidney that are probably cancer. At least my brother has lived several decades longer than your nephew.
Such things are devastating.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)I hope that they can get the infection under control. Thanks for your kindness. Devastating is the right description.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,180 posts)She worked for about 25 years as a compliance auditor, meaning she read medical charts to determine if doctors had made the correct diagnoses or inputs of various procedures. As a consequence, she has a very vast knowledge of medical stuff, even if she is not a doctor herself.
78 is getting up there, but not so old these days.
I am one of six children. So far, a sister died in 2017 at age 70. A brother died at the end of December last year, age 71. I know that in the normal course of events we will all pass on, but honestly, it's a bit strange to be losing my brothers and sisters.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)But when it's the younger generation, it's hard to take.
Hugs to you.
Granny M
(1,398 posts)Deepest sympathy to you all.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)GPV
(73,313 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)livetohike
(23,748 posts)sympathy to you and the family. May the love and support of family and friends comfort you and May the memories of your nephew and the stories you will all tell keep him alive in your heart .
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
sinkingfeeling
(56,571 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)brer cat
(27,161 posts)It is tragic to lose someone so young.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Thanks.
sheshe2
(94,369 posts)My heart goes out to you and yours.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)It's still unreal.
Ilsa
(63,466 posts)Noted to remember: Head trauma should always be checked out for bleeds, shifting mass, etc.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Thanks for the wishes.
George II
(67,782 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)CentralMass
(16,608 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)IbogaProject
(5,178 posts)Condolences to you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)LetMyPeopleVote
(171,474 posts)Your nephew's family will be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Upthevibe
(9,845 posts)I am so very sorry....
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
JohnSJ
(98,883 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)onecaliberal
(36,594 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)femmedem
(8,528 posts)I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. It must feel surreal. Devastating but surreal.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Thanks very much.
Goddessartist
(2,175 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)mcar
(45,405 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
BumRushDaShow
(161,808 posts)Just seeing this. So sorry to hear this and it is so tragic. Am sending my condolences to his family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)The fact it was so sudden makes it harder to deal with. And he was so young.
marble falls
(68,902 posts)... for your family.
I also hope your foot is better. We don't run into to each other much lately, but I do think of you!
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Just saw that the wake is on Thursday, which is also the triplets' 21st birthday. And seven hours of it! That's probably because of the firefighter angle.
The foot is much better, thanks. I hope that you're doing better as well. I think of you as well. Maybe we'll both be back in MIRT soon.
marble falls
(68,902 posts)malaise
(290,190 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)This is so hard to process.
malaise
(290,190 posts)It was sudden and he's young - those are the hardest ones to process
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)CaptainTruth
(7,922 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
sueh
(1,921 posts)sudden tragedy. I'm sending healing vibes to you and your family. (((hugs)))
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)wryter2000
(47,940 posts)What a horrible loss for your family and his.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)It's still hard to believe.
calimary
(88,106 posts)So sad to hear.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you know that lots of us here are sharing your grief. What with COVID and the advancing years, almost every one of us has been touched by sorrow and loss. So we can empathize as well as sympathize. You won't be mourning alone.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)

LoisB
(11,843 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)dlk
(12,984 posts)Sending wishes for comfort and peace for you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)dlk
(12,984 posts)My heart goes out to you and your family.
mahina
(20,098 posts)To hold this.
Thank you for telling us about him.
Ill be thinking of you all, and him. Aloha.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)He was lucky enough to be stationed in Hawaii during his Army years. Loved it there.
babylonsister
(172,408 posts)greatauntoftriplets.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)live love laugh
(15,988 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
yardwork
(68,324 posts)A friend of mine died the same way. He hit his head and didn't think anything of it. A few days later he died suddenly. It turned out to be internal bleeding in his brain.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)I'm sorry about your friend. The moral of the story is don't screw around with head injuries.
yardwork
(68,324 posts)I hope you're doing well overall.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)I'm hanging in there. Thanks.
UpInArms
(53,540 posts)

((((((((HUGS)))))))
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)
Doodley
(11,444 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)Thanks very much.
Susan Calvin
(2,367 posts)I was going to say a bunch more about me, and how I relate to this, but that's not what you need right now. I am just so sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)If you've been through this, you know how hard it is.
SpankMe
(3,617 posts)Wife, kid, step-kids...it's a big loss.
People must not defer treatment for potential brain injury.
Bless you and bless the family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,420 posts)He was a paramedic, he should have known.