Permission to vent, please.

[hamsterjill]

Is there a specific term that applies to people who stress out majorly over home repair issues? So help me, that subject is the source of most, if not all, of my feelings of anxiety.

A couple of years ago, I was able to realize a long sought after dream of buying property outside of the city and establishing a sanctuary for the many cats that my rescue group had in TNR colonies, etc.

I am SO GRATEFUL to have been able to do that. But I am finding it harder and harder to actually stop and ENJOY the fact that the dream materialized.

I had previously been in a situation where I owned an older home that was literally just falling apart. It was 40 years old and just had issue after issue after issue. It seemed like every day when I drove into the garage after work, something ELSE was broken, or some other, new problem had occurred. When I was able to buy the property for the cat sanctuary, I sold that house for what I could get for it, ran like hell, and was GRATEFUL for being able to just get out from under it.

But I think I actually developed PTSD of some sort from dealing with all of the stress, anxiety, financial worry, and embarrassment over that house situation.

Fast forward to the new situation. We had a severe winter (for our area). I worried all winter about the heat pump. We've recently had a bunch of storms with hail in the area. I worried about the roof. We are now in a heat wave and I'm yet again worrying about the heat pump. And now, we've had termite swarm because of the rains, and I think I've found termites in the building that houses the cats. I've literally been having anxiety attacks.

Pretty damn stupid, right? To worry all the time about stuff like this when I should be completely grateful. I'm typically a pretty strong person. But in this specific area (i.e., home matters), I'm a freaking wreck. I've been ripped off so many times that my head spins at the thought of having to call someone to do something. Not to mention the cost. I'm certainly not wealthy. And yes, I will be calling a pest control company. I hope that I can wait a week because I have a relative coming to stay here for a mini vacation over the next week.

I feel pretty selfish and arrogant when I know so many people in the world deal with so much more. What the hell is wrong with me!!!!

[Easterncedar]

1. You aren't wrong to worry

You have legitimate concerns and experience that justifies worrying. I am sure you know that controlling obsessive thinking takes practice and work. It’s a constant battle for me, too. I am with you, trying to remember to be grateful. Hang on, and vent as needed.

[hamsterjill]

4. Thank you. Yes, the constant battle is right.

I'm a complete failure at controlling the obsessive part. I force myself to engage in distractions. I've tried the "set aside 15 minutes to worry" approach, etc., etc. I wish I could simply let it go.

But that can't happen because there is always going to be something that breaks. It's part of the process of home ownership. I am working on my rainy day funds to feel more secure. So that I'll have funds on hand for the catastrophies. As I said, I'm not wealthy, and that will take a while. But I believe it's a constructive approach to dealing with the anxiety in a better way. It's just getting there!!!

Thanks for replying and for the kind words.

[radical noodle]

2. Seems perfectly normal to me

but I've always been a worrier like my mother and grandmother before me.

My daughter had termites in her home and they put bait stations in the ground outside around the house and it was relatively inexpensive considering. I hope that will ease your mind a bit.

Thank you for caring for the cats.

[hamsterjill]

5. Thanks for that information.

I hope this will be a relatively easy fix - if such a thing exists with termites. I come from a family of worriers, as well. There must be a genetic component.

Caring for the cats is my honor and privilege, but that, too, comes with its own set of worries. I have many that are quite old and require care, and I know their time is limited. That was part of the motivation to create this sanctuary. I try to be realistic with them but when one passes, my heart always breaks.

[radical noodle]

7. You do your best

and open yourself to the heartbreak it inevitably causes. But you care for them and love them, and although they leave too soon, they go on that journey having known love and kindness thanks to you.

[hamsterjill]

8. Thank you.

I appreciate that, and I appreciate that someone else might realize what I'm trying to do.

[sprinkleeninow]

3. It can't be helped.

I've been a strong being my whole life until I wasn't.

Lately saying things like: I've reached the brink of my endurance or I'm approaching the realm of 'unbearable' or like that.
It happens. Plus all the rubbish we're witnessing [and you know what I'm referring to] just compounds stuff blowiing it out of proportion.

I have a shabby chic sign in my kitchen/dining area: "Let whatever you do today be enough." Do I abide by it? No, I don't. And like you, I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself knowing I have it pretty good contrasted with others who have a life involving suffering unimaginable.

Peace Be Unto You.
🩷

[hamsterjill]

6. Thank you.

I may borrow the words on your sign, type them up and hang that on my refrigerator - just for good measure.

Yes, the state of the world and all things Trump is certainly a factor in magnifying ANYTHING else that may be a stressor. I saw a post earlier saying that if you aren't concerned, then you're either ignorant or asleep. We are, obviously, neither ignorant nor asleep. But we feel a sense of helplessness nonetheless.

The guilt is real. I know SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE who are dealing with so much more than my little corner of the world. And so many seem to handle their greater stress better than I handle my puny little things. I get mad at myself for complaining.

Thank you. Peace right back at you!!!

[sprinkleeninow]

9. I was remiss in expressing how much I honor

you in your service to those precious feline gifts of the Creator. Some will be judged in their estimation that "they're just animals".

You bless me in considering the care you are giving to these little ones. 💟

[usonian]

10. Homes are endless worry to own.

I am a handy person and I worry, mainly because people are so spread out here and help is hard to find.

When I bought the place, all the well gear was exposed to the weather and was just under a tarp. Ants got into the pressure switch, and fried. I had to clean it regularly. And parts froze. So I was constantly checking. It's 500 feet away and about 100 ft. climb back. I had a 2wd pickup and never drove the unpaved incline. I lucked out in getting a contractor to build a well house with heat tapes Christmas week. I fled to my daughter's apartment for the duration of the work and was pretty shaken. I later had a backup generator installed, using the home's propane tank.

Storms would separate ends of gutters from the fascia. I thought I solved it with L-brackets and epoxy but they let go. So this year, I put in big wooden end caps to support those ends and block the wind. Time will tell.

And one evening, the valve on the propane tank started leaking ( This is REALLY serious stuff) and the on-call propane guy came out to tighten it, along with the fire department. They replaced the tank very shortly after.

I have tools at the ready, but only for small things. I brought a lot of power tools with me to do home repair, but needed a home large enough to hold all the tools. Chicken and egg problem.

I should rent at my age, but worry about not feeling in control.

Working on it!

[hamsterjill]

13. Goodness, you've been through a lot.

My former house had foundation issues. It was actually incredulous. I heard a noise one day and walked outside to literally witness the foundation coming apart horizontally all along one side. I felt like I was in a disaster movie, and it was hard getting people to believe it. But it happened just as I explain here. The earth under the home was just moving. I watched the crack progress down the entire side and I felt like I was in an earthquake. No one else near me seemed affected.

On the advice of someone that I knew in homebuilding, I watered the foundation extensively for two weeks and most of the concrete went back down. But there were plumbing issues, and other problems because of that. I had endless slab leaks.

Another time, I heard this horrid noise coming from inside the house. Like a high pitched steam type noise. I ran around frantically trying to find out where it was coming from. I was in a panic. Then I went outside and witnessed a garden hose shoot off an attachment. I had turned the water off at the attachment, but had forgotten to turn it off at the faucet and the pressure had built up. But would that have happened in a normal situation? I know plenty of people who routinely turn off the water at the hose attachment and don't bother to turn the faucet off. Guess I was just "lucky", right? Again, getting people to believe me was hard. But I saw it happen. Once the attachment was expelled, the noise stopped. Took me hours to calm down.

I have stories to tell that would make the Amityville Horror house look tame. I honestly felt like the house was cursed to some degree. But the house also had a sweet spot as I'd raised my child there, and it had always protected us from weather, etc. When I was finally able to sell it, I sold it to an investor and I was candid about the issues. I didn't want karma biting me for being dishonest. I made very little money on the sale, but all I had wanted to do was to get out from under the mortgage, and I was successful in doing that. For that, I am eternally grateful.

I don't know why I stress so much over it all. But I think when you've experienced a lot of it, and you've been through the people who aren't honest, and you just want to be able to be at home and feel safe - then you honestly do develop a form of PTSD.

I am grateful to have been able to move. I still go back occasionally and see the former house. It has this one big red oak tree in the front yard that I nurtured from a sprig and I like seeing that the tree is doing well. The house is now used as an Air BNB, and I am glad that the purchaser found a use for it, and glad that I was honest.

I have the termite guy coming next week. I'll be on pins and needles until I know what it's going to cost and what all will be involved in getting it handled. But that's life, I guess.

Wishing you well, and uneventful peace.

[usonian]

14. If I were nearby, I'd help!

I have now sold three homes. All in pretty decent shape, if not "model shape"

My brother and I sold the family home, full of memories and the infamous spider-vein hole in the chimney bricks where lightning hit. (Just once)

But for each one, I have nice photos to record the best of times there, especially of our daughter growing up in two of them!

She now has a condo next to a marina and the bay are shoreline walk, which goes on for many miles. When I visit, I get fabulous photos of shorebirds and my customary penchant for sunsets and clouds.

I can chuckle at the minor mishaps. And look forward to the next step, even though it's unknown right now, but living so isolated, even in a rather spectacularly beautiful spot, is not so great an idea.

Sample of what's here:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/1036144599

Photography and piano keep me on my toes and offer tons of new things, and that keeps me young (so I tell myself)

I just got back from a flower photo expedition in the hilly and rocky north side. Wow, taking a break!

Enjoy what there is to enjoy, and good luck in finding help with tough chores.

I'm about to read the camera card and who knows what delight is in there?

Take care!

[hamsterjill]

15. Aw, thanks! I appreciate that sentiment. Too bad you're not next door. I give you a glass of iced tea!

I often wish that I had someone knowledgeable to just ask questions, etc. Mostly so that I don't get taken to the cleaners.

Maybe I'm being dense here, but where are you located? I'm actually in south, redneck Texas!!!

The photography is awesome. Such vibrant colors!

[usonian]

16. I'm in the Sierra Nevada foothills.

When the real estate agent showed it, I flipped.

Didn't quite know what I was getting into, since I have lived in suburbs all my life, but I got the "mechanicals" up to top quality, and that has paid off greatly in peace of mind.

They always show you creepy places all day and the plum at the end of the tour.

Previous owners set it up as a retirement place, and visited rarely, so it looked brand new. They had horses and grandkids, so the valley was more suitable.

I think they'd have made the power and water more durable if they stayed here longer.

So ask away. If I know an answer I'm glad to share. No house calls though.

[hamsterjill]

17. That sounds like a lovely place.

I'm glad you got things fixed up and can have the peace of mind. It's worth a lot!

I looked for my current place for an eternity because I was looking for something very specific. I needed it rural, but still close enough to the city to be able to get there when needed, and I needed something unrestricted so I'd be able to have the cat sanctuary. I didn't want to have to deal with a well. A septic is enough worry!!! LOL

When I finally found this property, it all fell into place. I converted a cat barn into a heated and cooled area for the cats. That opens up into a catio area that was formerly horse stalls. That, in turn, opens up into a large covered kennel area under a bunch of oak trees. The house on the property fit the human needs, and the owner accepted the offer. I'm about 30 minutes from downtown San Antonio.

The termites have had me stressed. A pest control guy that I've used before is scheduled for next Thursday. We'll see what he says. I will happily take you up on your offer to ask questions about things. Not that you know termites, but sometimes there are structural questions, etc. that go along with everything else. Appreciate the offer!

[SheltieLover]

11. Who wouldn't be stressed?

Have you tried to live mindfully?

Yale has a very popular course, The Science of Well Being, offered free.

https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being

There is also a free version for teens & a new one just for parents!

I hope this helps you, Jill.

Ty so much for caring for all the kitties. If you have an emergency, you could do a go fund me, you know. Just a thought.

[Danascot]

12. You might be interested in listening

to Jack Hopkins who addresses mental resilience and related topics. I encountered him on Bluesky. A couple of examples:

What to Do When Life Hits Hard: Mental Resilience Strategies

3 Simple Steps to Control Fear Instantly

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