Seems my bone marrow isn't "bouncing back" after chemo.

[Sparkly]

I was supposed to go in yesterday for my 5th of 6 chemo treatments (this time around, for metastasis) but my blood counts are so low, the oncologist decided to hold off and take another blood test next week in hopes they'll improve. Apparently - I didn't know this - it has to do with the bone marrow's ability to make new red and white blood cells, and chemo disrupts this process, sometimes suppressing it to a permanent degree.

That was kind of a blow - becoming unsure whether my body can withstand two more chemo treatments. The doctor said to wait for the results of the new CT-scan I had on Tuesday, and then we'd see what my choices are going forward. Already, she said, she's reduced the chemo dose I've been getting by 20% compared to last time, and I take generic 'neupogen' shots to increase my white cells and neutrophils after every chemo.

Today I got the CT scan results. There are "mild" improvements." One tumor shrank a little, others changed in other ways, but none are gone. All that's gone are my red and white blood cells, my hair, my eyelashes, and my energy.

I'm hoping for another two chemo treatments because after this much negativity, I'd like to see a benefit in terms of a bit more time in my life, hopefully remission. Meanwhile, it's hard not to think about death and dying all the time.

[cayugafalls]

1. I know a virtual hug is not real...but feel me hugging you tightly. You are loved.

[democratsruletheday]

2. You are not alone Sparkly...

my Dad is battling stage 4 prostate cancer and it's a lot to say the least. Nothing but good thoughts and positive vibes sent your way. Keep fighting the good fight and know that others are doing the same.

[Eliot Rosewater]

3. I can't imagine, I don't do prayers, but I sure hope for the best!

[Raven123]

4. Well nuts

Can’t imagine what you are going through, but wishing you positivity and peace.

[SheltieLover]

5. Healing vibes on the way to you

[spooky3]

14. From me as well. Nt

[PikaBlue]

6. Sparkly.

My heart and soul are with you! On Tuesday my daughter underwent surgery after her cancer returned. She is currently stable but has many months of recovery and, as always, the outcome is to be determined. It's so hard not to grow weary because the whole process seems never-ending and agonizing. I am trying to telepathically send you hugs and comfort. Please keep us updated. DU people genuinely care for their own.

[LoisB]

7. Sending positive thoughts and a big hug. May the next scan show "good improvements".

[Irish_Dem]

8. Sending you healing vibes and good energy.

Also a big hug.

I have never had chemo but am so sensitive to any medication and treatment.
The side effects are as bad as the illness sometimes.

It is very frustrating I know.

Let's hope your numbers improve next week.

[hlthe2b]

9. This is a tremendous setback, but I've known patients (albeit oncology is not my field) who have bounced back

--sometimes surprising even their oncologist. When I say "keep the faith," it sounds like such a meaningless platitude, but every cell in my body is convinced that a positive outlook made the difference for them and will for you.

How difficult does what I just said sound as I read it back? But you have many who are rooting for you. We will be here cheering you on and offering our own positive healing thoughts. Focus on the image of your truly encouraged oncologist when you turn this thing around, and your findings are so improved.

We believe in you!

[questionseverything]

30. About being positive, we do know being happy makes your body release good chemicals that do help heal us

[WVGal1963]

10. Virtual hugs.....

…….to you! With all that I have.

[Ellipsis]

11. Hugs and love....

[TNNurse]

12. I remember

13 years ago. My white blood cells got scary low. I had night sweats that required changing the sheets. I was afraid that I would not survive another dose of chemo. Clearly I did but it was a scary time. Will keep you in my thoughts and as Quakers and others do I will hold you in the light.

[elleng]

13. ''"mild" improvements." One tumor shrank a little,' sounds good to me.

[Cha]

15. Ohh Sparkly..

I'm so sorry .. Wishing you the Best of Healing Good Fortunne

[marmar]

16. .......

[AllaN01Bear]

17. ""

[Karadeniz]

18. My husbands chemo was cut short, too. His platelets got too low. We both have

a chronic leukemia, but mine has never needed chemo. I just had a mastectomy, but I won't need radiation or chemo. It's the stinking anemia that drags me down to nothing and for that I get blood transfusions. If your reds are down, I wonder if your hemoglobin is also down. If so, a blood transfusion would perk you right up!

[JMCKUSICK]

25. Fingers crossed to that sentiment Karadeniz.

[sheshe2]

19. Sending you a virtual hug, Sparkly.

Healing thoughts are on the way.

[applegrove]

20. Vibes to you in this battle. Keep us updated.

[ms liberty]

21. Thinking of you and sending vibes and love.

I've been thru chemo and I totally know how you feel.

[MysteriousStranger]

22. Sparkly, I see you, I hold space for you.

Mild improvements are improvements!
I wish the best for you. I've been there.

[Solly Mack]

23. Sending you a hug.

[JMCKUSICK]

24. I'm really moved by the situation you are in Sparkly

While I can't be in your specific shoes here, I'm gonna try. I am facing a future where sitting down and standing up and independent self care will become increasingly more difficult. Where lifting anything over ten pounds will have increasingly bad consequences, where bending, squatting, twisting or reaching create physical risk, where my spine continues to slowly degenerate etc....
The last two sentences of your post perfectly describe my physical situation. Combined with my SSDI wait my future until their decision comes down is more pain, more despair, more begging to exist on the very fringe of "decent" living. your last sentence is one I've grown quite familiar with in this last 2 years.
My Good morning my DU family posts are very much a form of therapy for me as well as being my wish to positively impact you (DU readers). That therapy accomplishes two things every day for me,
1. It creates a positive start to every single day for me, by force some days lol.
2. Because this day started well, it is now worth fighting for.

It creates real impetus and meaning for the first of the two sentences because that's the one that needs it. It's easy to sink, it requires zero effort but to fight for that extra time, those extra moments, that dream that's still within reach, that requires........you know what.

I'm really sorry if this was out of bounds, I meant every word in love. I responded only because of the dichotomy that exists in simultaneously clinging to realistic hope while struggling with the despair that can overwhelm any given moment.

Your fellow traveler on difficult roads,
John

[mercuryblues]

26. Wishing you the best care.

Some days a little of this, a little of that it's all we can hope for. Fighting off cancer is a marathon, not a sprint.

[Bayard]

27. Hugs and good thoughts to you

Keep sparkling!

[Sparkly]

28. Thanks for all for the words of support!

Each and every one means a lot.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

29. Here's one more.

[Peregrine Took]

31. Improve diet?

https://www.wikihow.com/Raise-Neutrophils

Also raise white cells by diet.