Changes We've Made Since Her Diagnosis

[jumptheshadow]

My partner learned she had cancer on Halloween and that it had metastasized to her bones the following week. She is receiving hormone and bone-strengthening treatments. My breast surgeon, one of the best in the world, tells me that her program has been seeing favorable life-extending outcomes for patients with bone mets with some of the newer treatments. My partner is very strong and resilient and we are deeply in love. I hope that helps.

Since then, we've made these changes:

1) We've let time slow down and are truly living in the moment. That's a big change for me, but not so much for her. It helps tremendously not to imagine future scenarios and to enjoy what we have in the present.
2) We have dropped non-nutritional foods and are eating lean proteins, whole fibers, vegetables and fruit. I never thought I'd see the day when I would see her enjoying fish and brown rice!
3) I am doing most of the housework now.
4) We take time every weekend to throw out things we don't use and are making our living space more serene.
5) We've asked relatives and friends to keep the conversation light. We've always laughed a lot together. Now, we are seeing how much better we feel whenever we have a humorous conversation.
6) She's keeping a meticulous journal of everything related to her illness, something that has helped when she fills out medical forms or talks to doctors.
7) We are very domestic but we are setting a date with friends every weekend.
8) We called Ireland to end a seven-year feud in her family. Everybody feels liberated from the chains of their grudges, and the stories from her Irish relatives are making her laugh.
9) She sleeps now on wedged foam that elevates her. I have to look up to see her in bed.
10) She has purchased a cane with a stabilizer at its bottom to help her stand up and sit down at home when I am not around.

Please feel free to share your story or make suggestions.

[Irishonly]

1. Sounds like you surround you and your partner with loe.

I smiled. Live life on your terms.

[maddezmom]

2. no suggestions

Seems like you've both got your priorities straight.

[Betty88]

3. "fish and brown rice"

2) We have dropped non-nutritional foods and are eating lean proteins, whole fibers, vegetables and fruit. I never thought I'd see the day when I would see her enjoying fish and brown rice!

"Enjoy" well my love I would edit only this and perhaps suggest a change to "will eat in lieu of cheese fries"

[Irishonly]

5. You go!

Chemo either taught me or got me over junk food. Twelve years later I still cannot abide it with the exception of pizza once in a blue mood. Just remember if you are feeling like it you can have cheese fries once in a while. LOL

[jumptheshadow]

4. Chili cheese fries, if I recall correctly

Eat your apple, darling, it tastes better than chili cheese fries, anyway. I will honor my promise and will not inflict sushi on you...

xxoooxxx

P.S.: I would suggest that it might be self-defeating to get a bed wedge for your achy bones and then let a 15-pound cat lie on those bones. Just sayin'...

[Irishonly]

6. You two are going to be just fine

Laugh, live and love.

[cmd]

7. Keep potatoes on hand

When nothing else tastes good turn to the potato - baked or mashed, butter or gravy; it's the only thing that kept me going through chemo.

Keep some breath mints or gum by the bed along with a glass of water (lid, please) to combat dry mouth.

Be prepared for hot flashes and periods of cold. Hormonal therapy plays havoc on the body's themostat. (Yes, that was me you saw sitting on the front porch without a coat during a snow storm.)

And, my favorite advice, cry - you won't have to pee as much.

[jumptheshadow]

8. Sweet potatoes as well?

Or just plain potatoes? We like both.

She is on hormone therapy, and, yes, I have learned the art of creative layering because the windows are often flying open when it's cold.

[cmd]

9. I'm sure sweet potatoes work, too.

and I hope the doorbell doesn't ring right now because I'm in cool down dress code. It's good to know those hormones are working.

[Irishonly]

10. You also may want to get some plastic silver ware

I could not abide eating unless I used plastic utensils. Make sure you gargle with salt water if you can bear it. Some chemo drugs cause mouth sores. I got them and it was horrible. I also couldn't drink anything out of a can because all I could taste was metal.

[Betty88]

12. I'll keep the plastic in mind

so far there has been no talk about chemo, at least for now. I did decide that I'm not going to cut my hair till I know if I'm having it or not. It's like growing my own wig.

[Irishonly]

15. I didn't lose my hair at first

It's funny now but it wasn't that morning. I prepared and cut my hair very short. I had just about decided I needed to get a haircut and was going to call. I tried to push my hair out of my eyes and it came off in handfuls. My dog, Princess, sat beside me while I was on the floor sobbing. She kept kissing my face. To this day I don't know why I put it in a paper bag but I did. When my husband came home I met him at the door, crying my eyes out and handed him the bag. I guess I thought he would know a way to put it back. I had chemo in the summer and after I got used to being bald I didn't mind it. My daughter made a big sign that said Bald is Beautiful and we hung it on the door. My Mary told me my bald head was just part of the armor in my fight.

If you have to have chemo ginger tea is wonderful. Peppermint tea is great too. Trader Joe's has a green peppermint tea at Christmas. I grew to love peppermint tea and I buy a dozen boxes every year.

[jumptheshadow]

16. Deleted my other message

What is a running joke between the two of us doesn't translate well in this context, does it?

It's a whole new world here...

[Irishonly]

17. The one about the cat?

I thought it sweet and funny.

[jumptheshadow]

19. The one of the llama with "bad hair"

When she grows her hair out she has months of "bad hair" days. Usually they end when I ask her to trim it.

She says she's not going to cut it this time.

It's a joke between us, but when you extrapolate it to the general audience, it sounds insensitive.

[Irishonly]

20. It must have gone over my head

I remember the spikes coming out when my hair grew back. I maintained that I wanted my hair to come back with absolutely no gray and curly. It came back baby fine, straight with the exception of a small area on the right side of my neck. I have a beautiful curl. My hair came back almost white. I get hair jokes. LOL

[Betty88]

11. butter AND gravy

Nice to hear I can go all Irish girl with the potatoes. Butter, salt and pepper, yum.

I got the flashes, poor Jump has to bundle up like crazy, but then I lived through her flashes.....

[Irishonly]

18. Revenge is sweet LOL

My family was so glad when I stopped having them.

BTW, since you are eating more healthy I picked up a pumplin spice candle. Pumpkin is good to eat too. I thought about a sugar cookie one. :smile:

[Uben]

13. And, my favorite advice, cry - you won't have to pee as much

Okay, that was a good one! Ha! On the other hand, there's probably some truth in it.