Something is on my mind today.
I'm sick. Kind of feeling my own mortality. Thinking about things I could have done better in my life.
We had a bad flood some years ago. Very bad. As the flood was progressing, a neighbor that I didn't really know walked over early in the morning. In his pajamas. He stuck a cup of coffee in my hand. He put a cigarette in my mouth (I don't smoke anymore), lit it up for me, and introduced himself. He lived a bit up the road from me. so he was in no danger, but I was, being on lower ground.
We stood there silently and watched the water slowly rise. It took a long time to reach my house, but it made it there as the river crested.
I'm standing there with this guy that I don't know who is in his fucking pajamas.
Him: Doesn't look good.
Me: Yup. I'm fucked.
Him: You got a wife, right?
Me: I put her up in a hotel yesterday. I'm here with the dogs. She's in the hotel with her stuff, and going to work from there. My family is out of town. There are no pumps around here to be found, and I'm going to need some. I asked my family to drive up from NYC, or down from Buffalo, to help me out, because I'm going to need it. They're "too busy". Lowe's is out. Home Depot is closed because they are underwater, Ace hardware is out. I'm fucked.
Him: I got a little boat pump that I can bring over.
I just looked at this obviously hung-over man, and at that moment, I thought he was an angel. I thought "This fucking guy doesn't even know me, and he's offering to help me". This guy is a good man.
He brought over this tiny pump, which I ended up using. It felt like this guy gave me a million bucks. This is what people should do for each other.
After that, another neighbor's father drove all the way up from Queens in his pickup truck. My neighbor (who was also on higher ground) called his dad. He said "Lucky needs help. We're going to be fine here, but he needs help, he needs pumps and fittings. There's none to be found around here". So, his dad drove up from Queens with pumps, hoses, fittings...everything I needed. He was angel #2.
There were some people in our neighborhood whose homes were COMPLETELY covered with water. Nothing sticking out except maybe the chimney. My wife was safe, I would be alright eventually...so I helped them out first before tending to my own home.
I went to this one guy's house that was completely submerged. i didn't know the guy, but I knew his home was totaled for FEMA purposes. He had the job of stripping everything down to the studs, and then moving out. To a hotel. FEMA had spray painted those symbols on the front of his home, indicating that all were safe, but the house was condemned.
So I was swinging a crowbar in this guy's house, breaking out the sheetrock. I had my mouth opened, and I had moldy debris fly into my mouth and into my lungs. As I was doubled-over coughing and puking, I saw a soaking wet Raggedy Ann doll laying on the floor, and I lost my shit because the enormity of everything hit me. I just dropped to my knees, sobbing and coughing.
I took care of several neighbors before tending to my house. It was months and months of work, and I think it affected me mentally to some extent. Mainly because people came out of the woodwork to help me. Not my family though. Friends that I didn't know I had.
A few days after pajama man gave me his boat pump, he came over again and said "I need a favor, but I'm afraid to ask".
I said "What is it"?
He said: i don't have anyone. I don't have any friends that will help me. I have to get outpatient surgery and I have no one to go with me. I'm afraid . Will you go with me?
I said: Of course I will. I will bring you, and I will stay there with you, and then I will bring you home.
So that is what I did.
And I would subsequently check on him at home after his surgery. We became friends.
About 2 weeks later, he went missing.
For about a month.
They finally found him in the woods several miles from his home. He had killed himself.
I was going through my photos last night and I found a picture of him standing in my side yard, watching the water creep toward my home.
I wonder if I could have helped him. Maybe if i wasn't so distracted by the flood, I could have. Maybe I could have recognized that he was in trouble. But I did the best I could at the time. Even though I stayed at the hospital with him, even though I checked on him every day...I feel like I could have done more. If I only knew the pain he was in.
There's a thread in here about making friends. If you want to make friends...help someone. Especially if you know they need a friend. Help them freely, and expect nothing in return.
I've been such a lucky man with the people who have come into my life. I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones that I do have would probably take a bullet for me, as I would for them.
Actions speak...words can and do lie. Actions don't lie. Help someone out. Help many people out, and people will gravitate toward you. And most importantly...don't be afraid to accept help.
I wish I could have done better with the man in his pajamas. I was all he had at the time, and I did my best.
And that flood brought me close to more people than I could ever imagine. And we are still close today because of it.
And being ill right now, and not in the best mental state, I just hope that I did my best for the man in his pajamas. I'm pretty sure I did. But, I'm grieving today for what he must have gone through. He didn't tell me how much mental pain he was in.
I've been feeling so bad that I have not been around here much, and I likely won't be. I don't know.
When you are my age, and something is knocking you down, you tend to take stock of your life.
I've made mistakes, but overall, I'm happy with the life I have lived.
If you want to feel better...make others feel better, and bask in the glow of the fact that you did a good job. Not for you, but for others.
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You were a blessing in that man's life. Truly. Something inspired him to reach out to you, and you were there when he had no one else and needed you the most. Please take comfort from that.
Your post will stay with me for a long, long time.
Blessings to you, friend.
Thanks for sharing.
I am also at a reflective stage in my life, I can totally relate. 
From my perspective, you did as well as you could for your friend, and you continue to do so much for others.
We need more like you. Sending you hugs and lots of love today.
I'm certain that you did the best that you could do with the knowledge that you had to help others.
I believe the most of us second guess ourselves much later in life and think about what could have or should have. I know it's easier said than done but please don't second guess yourself and the help that you gave to your neighbor pajama man. You were absolutely there for him.
It's nice to see you here but it's alright if you need to take time off to take care of yourself. I believe that most of us here would encourage you to take care of yourself before popping into DU.
I hope that you're doing well or at least better. Wishing you peace, light and healing energies. ❤️
how you make us better every day we read your posts 
I remember one day years ago you were here and I asked advice on some plumbing... you took the time to help, and I did a damn good job on that sink... we don't forget 
He was just in too much pain to handle, or even ask for help. Your last sentence is the absolute truth.
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