Well, I got the bad news I was expecting from

[JMCKUSICK]

my dearest friend Rory today.
His Melanoma has spread throughout his body and he's been given 3 months to live.
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182235962
I took the liberty of using some of the GoFundMe donations and bought a used iPad that I can be in more easy touch with him as his MS is so advanced that he can't dial or answer his phone anymore.
I dread the conversations we're about to start having, but it's the very least I can do as his best friend.
I am now at the official point of requesting any advice that you all have having dealt with a terminal close friend or relative.
Please humor me as I just want to make sure I can serve him well.
If you feel comfortable doing so, I am listing my GoFundMe link as I really need to find a way to go spend a little time with him as my last face to face with him was several years ago.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-john-mckusick-overcome-health-and-financial-struggles

I understand if this is a difficult ask, my Birthday is November 5th, and there's nothing I'd love more than the opportunity to say thank you to him for all his wisdom and guidance over the years, not to mention just healthily saying our goodbyes in gratitude and the right way.
My bills are paid to December, and those are obviously my first priority.
I've lived most of my life in forms of isolation and as I wrote in a post a few weeks ago when I first found out, Rory has been the one constant in my life since March of 1996.
If I ever owed anyone a proper, tearful and loving face to face good bye, it is Rory.
I'm crushed by this news, but have been expecting it because I know him and he's avoided doctors for years unless absolutely necessary.
I will do my best to share my experiences with you, as I surely wish someone will do for me from theirs.
I write this in total love, and total heartbreak if that's possible as I can only be grateful that at least I get some kind of chance to say good bye.
Thank you,
Love, John

[rubbersole]

1. I got an Amazon Echo (Alexa) for my late wife so she could listen to music in her final months...

..of her fight with Parkinson's disease. Voice commands are all you need to make it work.

[JMCKUSICK]

6. Right, I had to get the iPad because that's

How we can FaceTime if nothing else by voice.

[Diamond_Dog]

2. Hugs to you and Rory, John.

You sound like a very good friend.

[JMCKUSICK]

5. Thank you Diamond_Dog

We've shared what amounts to daily life, joys, pains etc....for all these years, so it's incumbent on me to share this too.

[elleng]

3. My good friend just lost his best friend to 'C.'

May have been kidney.

They spent time lots of time together, including with out of town family. (They met in college, 60? years ago.)

Thanksgiving will be sad, as they spent that time together; his friend and wife entertained and cooked.

My friend just bought a tree for his yard (in DC suburb.)

Time is the big thing.

[JMCKUSICK]

4. Agreed Elleng,

I really want to get up there to see him.

[nitpicked]

7. If he isn't already in it, get him to consider either palliative care or hospice care

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/hospice-and-palliative-care/what-are-palliative-care-and-hospice-care

This spells out what each of them are (palliative care is comfort care plus any desired treatment, hospice care is comfort care for those not wishing/able to undergo "curative" treatment and generally have a life expectancy of less than six months). My mother declined and died so fast that by the time the hospital got hospice treatment lined up, she was dead very shortly thereafter. (The hospice people kept reaching out to me for months offering bereavement care.) Depending on your friend's situation, there might be low or no added cost. Read the NIH article and follow the links.

[JMCKUSICK]

16. He will go hospice when the time comes he told me tonight

[Tetrachloride]

8. the browser called Brave will save you some trouble

available in the store .


(message me for optional configuration )

my main browser on iPhone

[dempls]

9. Donated. Go embrace your friend

Getting the chance to say goodbye is so important.

[JMCKUSICK]

11. Thank you so much Dempls,

I really really hope to be able to do that in the next week or two if I can.

[sinkingfeeling]

10. So very sorry.

[debm55]

12. Keeping you both in my prayers, John

[dickthegrouch]

13. Always treat him as if he's not dying

Semantically he's not dying until the last few seconds.
But treat him as normally as possible on any given day.
He's just sick, not dying. You both know the reality, but allowing him to experience life as he chooses, is the best gift possible.
If you can, take him out. Go to games, concerts, parks, whatever.
Suggest things in your price range (for both of you) in case he can't afford it. Tell him it's your gift to him.
Have a plan for emergencies, but don't feel bad if the plan doesn't work. He was living the best you could help him to do.
Miserable people all around him will see him off faster. You can be miserable afterwards.
Remember the last thing to go (apparently) is hearing. If you can, tell him you love him as he passes or very soon after.
Make sure you have access to him for the entire time. Even if it means asking him to write a medical proxy for you.

Hope that helps.

[debm55]

14. Excellent advice. dickthegrouch.

[red dog 1]

15. K&R

(I wish I could afford to donate)

[JMCKUSICK]

18. Thank you red dog 1

The kick sure helps.

[debm55]

17. kick