Grown Man Licking Ice Cream Cone Placed On Sex Offender Registry

[Zorro]

WELLS, ME—Stating that citizens had a right to be warned about the types of individuals residing in their area, authorities confirmed Thursday that they had placed 54-year-old William Barry onto a sex offender registry for being a grown man who had licked an ice cream cone.

“The perpetrator committed an indecent act towards ice cream in broad daylight, where any child could have seen him,” said state police Capt. Robert Murphy, thanking witnesses who swiftly notified law enforcement after Barry allegedly extended his tongue outside Seaside Scoop Shop and repeatedly licked a scoop of strawberry ice cream.

“What he did was wrong anywhere, but this was in a public place. He didn’t even attempt to get the ice cream in a dish. All he cared about was satisfying his deviant cravings. In the coming weeks, residents can expect Mr. Barry to go from door to door and inform them of his age, address, and predilection towards frozen treats.”

Authorities added that Barry would also be required by law to stay at least 500 feet away from all ice cream parlors.

https://theonion.com/grown-man-licking-ice-cream-cone-placed-on-sex-offender-registry/

[Bernardo de La Paz]

1. Man o man, I had to get into the second paragraph before thinking, is this satire? Then I looked at the link. . . nt

[Oeditpus Rex]

2. We're probably coming to that

Reminds me, too -- when Clint Eastwood was mayor of Carmel, Calif., he (the city council, really) made it illegal to take ice cream cones outside the shops on Ocean Boulevard because people dropped it on the sidewalk, annoying the hordes of tourists.

[unc70]

6. Not quite the real story. Already restricted before he was mayor

While I was out there a lot at the time, I don't remember all the details.

I do remember the earlier prohibition on wearing high heels on the sidewalks in Carmel. That law from the early 1960s is still on the books; you can get a permit to wear high heels.

[GreenWave]

3. Why was a melting ice cream cone placed on a sex offender registry?

[rurallib]

4. dammit the Onion got me again!

it very easily could be true these days

[no_hypocrisy]

5. In the spirit of The Onion, does that mean a woman can be arrested for

eating a banana in public?