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LuckyCharms

(20,833 posts)
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 03:47 PM Oct 5

My beautiful mother passed 13 years ago this week.

My grandmother (father's mother) passed on Valentine's Day. My normally cheerful dad would go into a funk around every Valentine's Day.

My mom passed a few days before my birthday. I have not been able to enjoy a birthday ever since. This is a sad time of year for me.

She was a strong woman. Grew up poor with an alcoholic father who beat her. Until one day, she held his pistol to his head as he was falling asleep drunk. She told him that she would put a bullet in his head the next time he laid a hand on her. He never hit her again.

My dad, her husband, died when she was 51 (I was 11). She suffered from crippling depression from the day he died until she passed. In spite of that, she got me through my teen years. I tried to model her strength and character.

She was well-loved by all. I'm a soon to be 67 year old man who is missing his mother today. I'll miss her forever. Here's to you Mary...they broke the mold after you were created. I'll see you again someday.





33 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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My beautiful mother passed 13 years ago this week. (Original Post) LuckyCharms Oct 5 OP
How lucky you both were to have each other, my dear LuckyCharms . . . CaliforniaPeggy Oct 5 #1
She looks like True Dough Oct 5 #2
The dress looks like angel wings. Irish_Dem Oct 5 #6
Here's to Mary and you, LuckyCharms. choie Oct 5 #3
I am truly sorry for your loss, Kim. LuckyCharms Oct 5 #4
Celebrate the memories malaise Oct 5 #5
Your mother is exquisite and the dress is stunning. Irish_Dem Oct 5 #7
I don't know anything about the dress... LuckyCharms Oct 5 #8
Your mother had courage and beauty. greatauntoftriplets Oct 5 #9
Thank you for sharing your Mother with us. May her memory be a blessing irisblue Oct 5 #10
If we survive, we leave so many loved ones behind Marthe48 Oct 5 #11
Thank you very much ,LuckCharms for sharing your loving and beautiful mother with us. May her memories be a blessing to debm55 Oct 5 #12
What a beautiful ode to your Mom LuckyCharms JMCKUSICK Oct 5 #13
she really does look like an angel Skittles Oct 5 #14
LuckyCharms, thank you for this family history. bronxiteforever Oct 5 #15
Take comfort from the wonderful memories she left you with Grim Chieftain Oct 5 #16
I am glad that you have loving memories of her. Collimator Oct 5 #17
Thank you for sharing your memories and trusting us with your story. yellow dahlia Oct 5 #18
What a heartfelt and lovely tribute to your beautiful mother, Lucky Niagara Oct 5 #19
Niagara... LuckyCharms Oct 5 #25
What a byoot BaronChocula Oct 5 #20
I'm sorry for your losses, Baron. LuckyCharms Oct 5 #26
She was a beautiful woman 70sEraVet Oct 5 #21
What a gorgeous portrait! calimary Oct 5 #22
Thinking of you LittleGirl Oct 5 #23
I'm very sorry for your loss. Same thing with my brother who... LuckyCharms Oct 5 #24
Thanks LittleGirl Oct 5 #27
Remember this... LuckyCharms Oct 5 #29
Your mother was beautiful. There is kindness, sadness, and strength in her eyes; a sweetness LoisB Oct 5 #28
🌸 Donkees Oct 5 #30
You are so lucky to have had a loving mother, LC. Your Mom Clouds Passing Oct 5 #31
Thamk you for this post LuckyCharms, your Mom is beautiful. And I believe I have seen this lovely c-rational Oct 5 #32
What a lovely photo of her, LC! electric_blue68 Oct 5 #33

CaliforniaPeggy

(155,349 posts)
1. How lucky you both were to have each other, my dear LuckyCharms . . .
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 03:54 PM
Oct 5

She was beautiful, both inside and out.

May her memory be for a blessing.

choie

(6,212 posts)
3. Here's to Mary and you, LuckyCharms.
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 04:01 PM
Oct 5

She sounds like a lovely and resilient woman. I lost my husband when I was 52, so I know what she went through. The fact that she was able to be there for you even while combatting depression is a testimony to her strength and love for you.

Kim

LuckyCharms

(20,833 posts)
4. I am truly sorry for your loss, Kim.
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 04:05 PM
Oct 5

As a child, my brain was not developed enough to understand HER grief...only my own.

As an adult, I now fully understand and appreciate what she endured quietly.

Irish_Dem

(76,139 posts)
7. Your mother is exquisite and the dress is stunning.
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 04:35 PM
Oct 5

Do you know anything about this particular dress?

I am sorry for your loss.
She was beautiful inside and out.

In karmic theory, important people in a family enter and depart
on the same days.... birthdays and deaths are linked.

LuckyCharms

(20,833 posts)
8. I don't know anything about the dress...
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 04:43 PM
Oct 5

but I love this picture of her.

She donated her body to Syracuse University for teaching purposes for the medical residents.

They had a moving service at the chapel on the university campus several months after she passed, for all of those who donated their bodies within that recent time frame.

I sent this picture to the university to use as part of the display of pictures just outside the chapel entrance, of all of those people who donated their bodies.

It was all very moving and respectful.

Marthe48

(22,080 posts)
11. If we survive, we leave so many loved ones behind
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 05:40 PM
Oct 5

I'm glad you and your Mom loved each other. So many people don't have that relationship with their parents.

Beautiful picture.

debm55

(51,586 posts)
12. Thank you very much ,LuckCharms for sharing your loving and beautiful mother with us. May her memories be a blessing to
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 05:47 PM
Oct 5

you.

JMCKUSICK

(4,203 posts)
13. What a beautiful ode to your Mom LuckyCharms
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 05:54 PM
Oct 5

She sounds like a great woman who sacrificed so much.

bronxiteforever

(10,826 posts)
15. LuckyCharms, thank you for this family history.
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:00 PM
Oct 5

It’s a wonderful tribute. May your Mom rest in power and love.

Grim Chieftain

(697 posts)
16. Take comfort from the wonderful memories she left you with
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:03 PM
Oct 5

She struggled, but had the strength to survive with grace, dignity and love, a true blessing.

Collimator

(2,005 posts)
17. I am glad that you have loving memories of her.
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:08 PM
Oct 5

Those can be a double-edged sword when dealing with loss, but the love is worth it.

My own mother was a complicated person who lashed out when she was in pain, but I still admire her for her strength and grieve for the childhood that she didn't have which impacted her children in turn. She has been gone for 16 years, and despite my conflicted feelings, her death pulled the rug right out from under me.

I can only image the scope of your grief. Forgive me, please, for quoting a superhero movie, but,

"What is grief, if not love persevering?"

Cherish the grief; it has value and will someday fit the pieces of your memory together more beautifully than you could have imagined.

Niagara

(10,910 posts)
19. What a heartfelt and lovely tribute to your beautiful mother, Lucky
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:24 PM
Oct 5
I'll see you again someday.


Let's not rush that okay?

LuckyCharms

(20,833 posts)
25. Niagara...
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:54 PM
Oct 5

Thank you, and I'm in no hurry to see departed loved ones! They'll be there when I get there!

BaronChocula

(3,521 posts)
20. What a byoot
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:32 PM
Oct 5

My mom's birthday is coming up on the 10th. I don't get overly sad, but lately my mind starts thinking about things to talk about the next time we're on the phone and then I catch myself, still in disbelief that she's gone. Same with Dad. They've been gone over six years.

LuckyCharms

(20,833 posts)
26. I'm sorry for your losses, Baron.
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:58 PM
Oct 5

I'm the same way...Every so often, I wish I could talk to both of my parents.

She was 94 when she passed, and she went totally deaf. So when I visited her, I would bring a legal pad, and converse with her through handwriting.

She would give me good advice, especially in her old age.

70sEraVet

(4,988 posts)
21. She was a beautiful woman
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:33 PM
Oct 5

And a beautiful gesture, for her to decide to donate her body for medical research. She gave value to a death that came much too soon.
Your grief also gives value LuckyCharms -- no one is truly dead until they are forgotten.
I absolutely believe that.

calimary

(88,066 posts)
22. What a gorgeous portrait!
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:39 PM
Oct 5

Beautiful woman who left a beautiful legacy that’s yours to keep and treasure til you meet again. Looks like she’s wearing her angel wings.

LittleGirl

(8,842 posts)
23. Thinking of you
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:41 PM
Oct 5

My Mothers’ birthday and passing was in September. 4th year and because of covid, I didn’t get to see her in person and it haunts me. Hugs.

LuckyCharms

(20,833 posts)
24. I'm very sorry for your loss. Same thing with my brother who...
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 06:48 PM
Oct 5

died in a nursing home of Covid during the height of the pandemic. I couldn't go say goodbye. It's a very unsettling feeling...I understand

LittleGirl

(8,842 posts)
27. Thanks
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 07:02 PM
Oct 5

The last time I saw my Mother was at my baby brother’s memorial in 2019. She lost two sons before she passed and I was abroad and couldn’t be there. Sigh.

LuckyCharms

(20,833 posts)
29. Remember this...
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 07:04 PM
Oct 5

The fact that you couldn't be there does not negate the lifetime of all of the other memories.

LoisB

(11,823 posts)
28. Your mother was beautiful. There is kindness, sadness, and strength in her eyes; a sweetness
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 07:04 PM
Oct 5

in her smile. I believe that you will see her again.

c-rational

(3,096 posts)
32. Thamk you for this post LuckyCharms, your Mom is beautiful. And I believe I have seen this lovely
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 08:27 PM
Oct 5

photo before.

electric_blue68

(24,276 posts)
33. What a lovely photo of her, LC!
Sun Oct 5, 2025, 08:53 PM
Oct 5

So sorry you lost your dad quite young, but good she managed to get you through your teens despite her terrible depression, and her own horrific childhood experiences , and be well loved. (My dad had depression later mid life, and difficult parents, so I know).

Just a thought... I have reason for sharing.
My mom had gotten bad asthma when I was 5 1/2. It was often on very tough earlier on, but better controlled by the time I was late teens. But some infrequently other medical occurrences when we were younger.

She was very talented design wise, a trained dressmaker, not "sweet" per se, but sweet at times, and loving. A nature, art, sports, and science fan. Very much also for justice, and equality - taught us. She loved to laugh but sometimes could trigger an attack.
Loved by a big family!

Anyway when she got to ger 80's, and with het medical history I began to think of her passing. I knew it was going to be tough for me. It was but I got through it better than thought I might. Miss her, but over time without the fierceness. It was 2008 - 17 yrs ago.

I think what helped me was a few years before she died I started a "mantra" of "she wouldn't want me to be too sad for too long.".

I'm thinking I hope you can be happy on your birthday some day. You're good folk here. She'd want you to be happy. And sure our fellow DU'rs would want that for you at some future time.

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