July 2, 2025
Happy Birthmonth, mom. I still have the blanket. It is one of the last things I know of that Grandma V crocheted. I wish I had more...
I loved that scarf that was Dr. Who inspired. There was something kind of amusing about it. The scarf shown in the show was insane - aside from how long it was; it was made from multiple different colors, multiple different types of yarn (some heavy, some lighter) and in different stitches. There was no discernible pattern to it at all. The original was a totally chaotic, overly long, insane creation. And Grandma's reproduction used a strict set of colors, in even placement, one pattern of stitch for the entirety. But was even longer. It was wonderful.
Ruth did much damage to many of the comforters/ blankets I had. For her short life span, she kinda had an outsized influence. She little holes in everything were so annoying at the time. But years later, I found a "pet rat enthusiasts'" page. One of my favorite entries was a mock ad for "authentic rat-chewed" clothing. LOL! It went on and on about not accepting cheap fakes, and how this was the real deal, and how exclusive the product was. It made me feel better for the clothes I had kept that had holes and couldn't wear anymore.
A large part of the quilt I made for you and dad featured those items. My intention was it would be a lovely scene of a sun in a bright sky over lush rolling hills, saying "World's Best Parents".
It kinda was a mess. I tried so hard to get it right. It was my first attempt at anything like that. I had sewed clothes before, knitted a sweater or two, but that was my first quilt. The backing refused my efforts to control it!
After that, I made that quilt for Sandy and David. I was much happier for how that one turned out. Sewing all those strips of fabric scraps into the rainbow order took so long! But I was never much of a speedy sewer. My work was always difficult and slow. I know that it survived a few years.
Do you think Sandy and David liked it? I thought it looked nice, but since it disappeared after the divorce; I always had the feeling it wasn't really liked. And that's ok, now. I doubt I would've felt ok with it in the years past. But today I'm ok with it.
I recall the next blanket thing was just a fluffy monster of a quilt-like beast that had outlines of ferrets sleeping and in cute poses for the design. I guess Dad gave it away or sold it at one point. Oh, well.
After that, I gave up on sewing for the largest part; or at least I didn't really do much. That was all in the early to mid 90's. Oh, I still love to imagine sewing and making, and building things. But my imagination seems to be miles ahead of my ability.
Do you remember tearfully asking why I had never given you or you and Dad any "World's Best Parents/ Mom / Dad" type things after we moved here? It might have been around 2016/17 or so.
You were in your room, sitting in your rocking recliner, covered in a quilt (if I recall correctly).
It was the quilt I had made. The first quilt I had made. Perhaps the only surviving one. The one that said: "World's Best Parents".
The same quilt you have praised for being the perfect cuddle up quilt. The perfect lap blanket. Patched and repaired with random scraps of fabric, it still read (and still reads): World's Best Parents.
All I could do in that moment was look in shock and point at it. After all, I was about 50 at the time. I didn't know that not having more of those things, nor more recent things, could possibly be a problem or a heartbreak for you. I am sorry about not knowing. Sorry you needed more than I knew or was able to give.
We never talked about those things. Not really.
It is true, I have been angry and frustrated with you. Hurt by your accusations, your dismissive attitudes (especially towards the bullying and difficulties I had in school), there have been times I would not have thought "World's Best Parents".
But that does not, did not, erase my love for you.
There were funny jokes and histories and stories and hilarious adventures and not so hilarious events that were only shared between us. I miss that so very much. I miss you, still.
Happy Birthmonth, Mom.
I love you. I miss you.
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