'New York Times' To Cease Publication

[Zorro]

‘We Just Can’t Compete With The Onion’s Newly Relaunched Print Edition,’ Says Publisher

NEW YORK—With the struggling newspaper admitting this was the final nail in its coffin, The New York Times announced this week that it would permanently cease publication, saying there was no way it could compete with The Onion’s newly relaunched print edition.

In an internal memo sent to the paper’s 5,800 employees, publisher A.G. Sulzberger said that while he had done everything in his power to keep The New York Times afloat, The Onion’s latest expansion into physical media had forced the company to reevaluate all parts of its business—from its glaringly inaccurate reporting, to its comparatively low circulation numbers, to its deeply unpopular brand, to its completely inept columnists.

“Let me assure you, in the wake of The Onion’s recent decision to relaunch its print product, shutting down The New York Times was not a difficult decision,” said Sulzberger, adding that immediately shuttering all 53 Times bureaus around the world was tantamount to a “mercy killing.” “While we are devastated to see so many employees go, we are happy that we can finally put them out of their misery and no longer force them to work in an environment where The New York Times is out-scooped, out-reported, and outwritten by The Onion at every turn.”

“The truth is, in this modern publishing landscape, The Onion reigns supreme,” Sulzberger added. “There is no amount of time, money, or effort I could invest in this rag to save it from its ultimate, and frankly long overdue, demise.”

https://theonion.com/new-york-times-to-cease-publication/

I may just have to order an Onion print subscription now!

[Coexist]

1. It's me. Hi. I'm the problem, it's me.

I bought a print subscription to The Onion. Sorry NYT

[LetMyPeopleVote]

2. I love the onion