Jewish Space Lasers Shoot Down 99 Luftballons, Pete Hegseth Still Somehow Has Job (Wonkette)

[Jack Valentino]

Jewish Space Lasers Shoot Down 99 Luftballons, Pete Hegseth Still Somehow Has Job

Say, you didn't need that airspace over El Paso, did you?
DOKTOR ZOOM
FEB 13, 2026


In the kind of multi-factor clusterfuck that used to lead to scandal, firings, and agency reorganizations, Defense Secretary Drunky Pete McDrunkerson let US Customs and Border Protection dipshits play around with a military anti-drone laser weapon based at Fort Bliss, close to the airport in El Paso, Texas. The idea was to test whether the laser weapon could shoot down drones that cartels on the Mexican side of the border have allegedly been using to observe Border Patrol movements, or maybe even to smuggle drugs, allegedly. (Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum says nah.)

Sometime early this week, the CBP dipshits went ahead and used the laser against airborne targets they thought were cartel drones, but which turned out to be party balloons, according to multiple insiders who spoke to several media outlets, presumably while stifling giggles at how stupid it all was.

But because neither the military nor CBP bothered to coordinate their game of laser tag with the Federal Aviation Administration, the aviation agency freaked out and abruptly shut down the airspace over El Paso late Tuesday, saying flights into and out of the area wouldn’t be allowed for 10 days. That’s longer than the nationwide flight shutdown after 9/11. The restriction was ultimately ended Wednesday morning when the White House got involved. The government then lied that it had thwarted an “incursion” by cartel drones into US airspace, but the truth quickly leaked about how all the Captain Kirks at CBP shot down balloons instead.

The Cover Story: Drones Downed, Doom Deferred

The debacle even made it into Pam Bondi’s mean-girl temper tantrum in Congress Wednesday, when she lectured the House Judiciary Committee about how it should pay attention to important stuff like the cartel drone invasion instead of wasting its time asking her about the Epstein Files.

Read more: https://www.wonkette.com/p/jewish-space-lasers-shoot-down-99


I really love wonkette--- their sarcasm is withering!

[Jack Valentino]

1. 99 Red Balloons

&list=RDhiwgOWo7mDc&start_radio=1

[Dave Bowman]

2. So much incompetence and stupidity would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

[struggle4progress]

3. Sure do sound like ole Pete be swishing hims mug with mountain dew on the job