MIGHTY MOUSE: Crusader KASH PATEL solemnly VOWS to TRACK DOWN shooter who is IN THE HOSPITAL Hash Tag MANHUNT!

[Miles Archer]

FBI Director Kash Patel vowed to launch a manhunt for the shooter who wounded two National Guard members near the White House on Wednesday—only for an official to point out that a suspect is already in custody at a hospital.

The embattled FBI director, 45, found himself embarrassingly out of the loop during a news conference on the “targeted” shooting, which has left two guardsmen in critical condition.

“As you can see behind me, we have assembled the full force of both the federal and state and local law enforcement agencies to bring bare all of our resources to make sure we find the perpetrators responsible for this heinous act,” Patel declared. “And make no mistake, they will be brought to justice.”

https://www.thedailybeast.com/keystone-kash-patel-vows-to-track-down-dc-national-guard-shooter-already-in-hospital/

[Diamond_Dog]

1. Really makes you feel safe and secure as an American

to have this nincompoop in charge of the FBI

[wcmagumba]

2. "Eyes" Patel is now rivaling "Smoky Eyes" Huckabee-Sanders for stupidity among Republicans...

[underpants]

3. Keystone Kash Vows to Track Down National Guard Shooter Already in Hospital

Love your subject line too

[Sympthsical]

4. God he pissed me off

I was watching the initial news conference with, I think, the chief of police (really tall white guy). He was answering questions in an informative and thorough way with exactly the kind of tone and professionalism you want in a situation like this.

Then mighty mouse bounds in and opens his sluice with a slurry of empty, platitudinous nothing. As if he had suddenly realized everyone forgot he was there and he needed to remind them.

I actually said "Oh fuck off" aloud, and I am not generally in the habit of hurling epithets at screens.

[Boo1]

9. That's because one is a career LEO

and the other is Kash Patel.

[KPN]

5. "Mighty Mouse", "Keystone Kash"!

Perfect!

[Attilatheblond]

14. Somebody around here refered to him a 'Petty Cash' the other day

And I just about fell outta my chair laughing

[NJCher]

20. Here he comes!

[Ocelot II]

6. Not unlike when Charlie Kirk got shot - Keystone Kash rushes in and announces right away

that they had a suspect in custody, turned out to be some random dude who had nothing to do with it. He has to keep trying to grab the spotlight, make Piggy happy so he can keep his job. Wouldn't want the local cops who actually did the work to get the credit.

[dalton99a]

7. .

Rahmanullah Lakanwal

[NJCher]

19. ewwww

eom

[Wednesdays]

8. Inspector Clouseau is on the case!

He'll find that suspect if he has to turn D.C. upside-down!

[Grim Chieftain]

10. Those of us on DU are better informed than Patel

Last edited Thu Nov 27, 2025, 11:41 AM - Edit history (1)

Let that sink in.

[Marie Marie]

11. Thank you - was exploding when I watched him.

One shooter, taken down and in the hospital and Kash is out there, spewing every empty cliche any law enforcement officer has ever used. To those just tuning in, "make sure we find the perpetrators" sounds like the shooter(s) could be running loose in DC. All so he could look large and in charge. Like we needed that bit of confusing language in an already messed up developing story. He needs to go!!

[Attilatheblond]

16. His chronic insecurity is getting to the point that intervention is needed

Have come to the conclusion that he wants special security for his girlfriend to keep her from cheating on him.

[ananda]

12. I've had some good laughs today...

but this one takes the cake!

[IcyPeas]

13. Where's Dan Bongino anyway?

[CatWoman]

15. LOL

?si=NpCsvxHnbB0YIfNY

[DFW]

17. Well, yeah, maybe they have the shooter in a hospital

But Patel will bring the full might of the FBI to conduct a nation-wide investigation until he finds out ON WHICH FLOOR!!

And the FBI is going to start with the floor that rash Kash suspects most likely to be his hide-out: the maternity ward!

That’s the quick result of what happens when the FBI is gonna “bring bare all our resources.” Are you shitting me? Who has been stealing from “the Official Dictionary if Republicanese,” and feeding it into statements by real Republicans?? So, he’s going to “bring bare all our resources?” What’s wrong with letting them put their clothes on first? Are FBI resources more efficient when they’re naked? Who writes this stuff for them? Jimmy Kimmel’s staff?

[Miles Archer]

23. Thank you for shining a light on the HIGHLY NUANCED RESPONSIBILITIES Kash faces on a DAILY BASIS.

I'll bet he's sitting in the lobby, "INSPECTING" the orderlies wheeling the meal carts to patients' rooms, stealing the random pudding cup.

A lot of people look at Kash Patel and think "I COULD DO A BETTER JOB. My CAT could do a better job."

And, of course, they're right, but that doesn't mean that between trips using the official FBI jet to see his girlfriend, Kash isn't the hardest working man in Washington. Why, I think it's safe to say he works EVEN HARDER THAN TRUMP HIMSELF, which, once again...my CAT.

[DFW]

25. Your cat would also take a more belevolent stance on issues affeting humans

Trump would probably agree with Emily Litella that we are wasting our time trying to pass an Eagle Rights Amendment.

[Gaugamela]

18. "Here I come to save the day!"

[NJCher]

21. Wait! Wait! There is even more republican stupidity!

And you know what it is? It's sending 500 MORE NATIONAL GUARD TO D.C.!

And just who do you think did that?

It is admitted that the Guard being there in the first place is a waste of time and resources and if you listen to Pritzker, it's a long-term plan to be able to send them into Democratic cities during the mid-terms.

Does anyone think a National Guard person could have prevented this shooting? Find the gun? Possibly the cell phone?

The Guard didn't need to be there and trump is only making the situation more dangerous by sending the 500 additional people.

[Miles Archer]

24. Right now, he's looking for any excuse to do that.

I mean, we've all SEEN rotten little brats in department / toy stores with their moms, screaming "I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT."

And Trump's "ambitions" to militarize the streets of cities like Portland have been met with opposition in the courts, so when he sees an opportunity, he pounces on it.

[Kid Berwyn]

22. Four Seasons Landscaping of the Mind

“Gee. That was really fast, Mr. Patel.”

[Buns_of_Fire]

26. Another case solved by the amazing deductive powers of Sherlock Patel!

How does he do it?

There's no need to fear; WonderKash is here!