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Trump Touts Productive Call With Putin About Ballroom Sconces (satire)
Published: October 24, 2025
WASHINGTON—Acknowledging that he was impressed by the foreign leader’s ability to compromise on all kinds of fixtures, President Donald Trump announced Friday that he had participated in a productive call with Russian President Vladimir Putin about ballroom sconces. “We spoke for several hours and made great progress in negotiating whether I should go with a gold or silver finish,” Trump said while examining various wall-mounted lighting options, adding that he was committed to reaching a diplomatic solution in finalizing the design of his planned $300 million White House ballroom.
“You know, Vladimir and I aren’t as far apart as critics believe. There’s a lot of overlap in terms of our love for hand-cut crystal, gilded iron, and warm-toned bulbs. This bodes well for when we get to picking chairs.” At press time, Trump had reportedly canceled a planned in-person meeting with Putin following a heated disagreement over paint swatches.
https://theonion.com/trump-touts-productive-call-with-putin-about-ballroom-sconces/