and I waivered back and forth between agnostic and believer. Now I am a believer. In 2007, due to a medical error, I temporarily stopped breathing, and the EMT could not get a pulse.
During that brief interlude, I was not laying on a cold side walk in March anymore. I was lying in a field of sunflowers. The sun was shining down on me, and I felt myself being lifted towards it. I have never known such a sense of peace, or felt as loved as I did then. The words, "I am going home," kept playing in my mind. Which according to my Mom is nearly the same thing my grandmother said to her and the priest giving her last rites. She lifted her hand, as if she was reaching for someone, smiled and said, "Joe," my grandpa's name then she died.
I obviously was revived by the EMT. I felt like I was being given a choice whether to stay or go right before that happened. I will be honest I really wanted to go, but hearing my mother screaming, "don't leave me," I felt I had to stay for her. A few seconds later I heard the EMT say, "she's breathing again, and I have a pulse." After that I personally don't see me ever doubting there is a higher power again.
I believe he gives us free will, so he can't stop the harm some humans choose to do to their fellow humans. I believe though he can give us the strength to get through this life, and hope for a better one waiting for us, after it.
I do pray every night that he gives those of us that need it the courage to survive this horrible time, until it's our time to "go home." Also I have never said the words, "and deliver us Lord from every evil, and grant us peace in our days, as fervently as I do now."
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