So You Think You Can Hack It? The Cold, Hard Fucking Truth About Alaska

[willbrad9080]

This discussion thread was locked as off-topic by GP6971 (a host of the General Discussion forum).

Introduction:
Alright, let's cut the bullshit you see on reality TV. You think Alaska is just majestic mountains and quirky, bearded dudes building cabins? That's the highlight reel. The real Alaska is a goddamn beautiful bitch of a state that will chew you up and spit you out if you show up with nothing but a romantic dream and a brand-new flannel shirt. It’s a place of soul-crushing darkness, insane prices, and a level of isolation that can drive a person mad. But if you’ve got the grit, if you're not a complete fucking moron, it’s also the last truly free place on the planet. This isn't a travel brochure; this is the raw, unfiltered truth about living in the ass-end of the world.

The Two Seasons: Fucking Dark and Fucking Bright

Forget spring and fall. You get two modes up here. First is The Big Dark. We’re talking months of waking up in the pitch black and coming home in the pitch black. It’s a deep, oppressive darkness that seeps into your bones and makes you question every life choice that brought you here. Seasonal Affective Disorder isn't a suggestion; it's the state fucking pastime. Then, the switch flips to summer, and the sun just refuses to fuck off. Twenty-four hours of daylight sounds cool until you're trying to sleep and your brain is buzzing like you just did a line of coke. The entire state goes manic, trying to cram a year’s worth of living into three months before the darkness comes for us again. Oh, and the mosquitos? They're the size of small birds and they will drain you of every ounce of blood and sanity you have left.

"Community" Means Your Neighbor Might Save Your Ass

People talk about the "community spirit." Here's what that really means: your neighbor isn’t just the guy you wave to. He’s the guy who might have the only running snowplow within 50 miles. He's the one you call when a bear decides your porch is a great place to nap. You help each other because you have to. It's a no-bullshit pact born from pure survival. There's no room for petty drama when a blizzard could trap you for a week. This place attracts two kinds of people: fiercely independent badasses and weird-as-shit hermits running from something. You learn pretty damn quick which neighbors you can count on and which ones you should probably avoid eye contact with.

Welcome to Poverty with a View
Think you'll save money here? Fucking hilarious. That gallon of milk you pay $4 for? Try $10. A single avocado? Might as well be a down payment on a car. Everything, and I mean *everything*, costs a goddamn fortune because it has to be shipped on a boat or a plane from a thousand miles away. Your paycheck gets devoured by basic survival. That PFD check everyone gets so excited about? It basically covers the extra you spent on heating oil all winter. You're not living here to get rich. You're living here because you're trading financial sanity for the privilege of seeing a glacier calve or a moose walk through your yard. It’s a shitty trade on paper, but some of us are just wired that way.

The Wilderness Doesn't Give a Shit About You
Yeah, the nature is stunning. It’s so beautiful it’ll make you cry. It's also completely indifferent to your existence. A moose will stomp your car into a pancake just for looking at it wrong. A bear will rip your door off for a sniff of bacon. The weather can turn from sunny to a whiteout blizzard in twenty minutes, and if you're not prepared, you're just another fucking statistic. This isn't a petting zoo. It’s a raw, powerful force that demands your constant, unwavering respect. If you don't have that, you'll end up as a frozen cautionary tale. It’s the best and worst place on Earth, all at once. Don't come here unless you're ready to fucking fight for it.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

1. okay but like why so mad

[Ferryboat]

6. He didn't sugar coat his advice, just an honest appraisal.

[John1956PA]

2. The Robin Williams movie Insomnia used the perpetual sunlight in the summer as a motif.

[Cosmocat]

3. I am under no delusions about it

I get SAD, my outdoors tolerance is taking a couple hours hike, max, and mosquitos swarm me like a Hoss buffet.

Not on my bucket list ...

[markie]

4. I don't watch reality TV....

did just finish bingeing all 6 seasons of Northern Exposure (didn't have a TV in the 90's)

not quite the same but my home is in Northern Vermont.... did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning??

[rubbersole]

21. Loved Northern Exposure! But...

..I had some IBEW brothers that had gone to Alaska to work on "The Pipeline" in their younger days. The lure of big money and adventure caused them to pull up stakes in sunny central Florida and head north. I never heard a positive story about any of it. So cold in the winter that if you dropped a steel wrench it could shatter. Working outside 15 minutes of every hour was the rule. In the summer working 7/12s with mosquitoes 🦟 so big "they could stand flat-footed and f*ck a turkey". I'm glad I missed it.

[Ocelot II]

29. "Mosquitoes so big they could stand flat-footed and f*ck a turkey."

Yeah, we've got those in northern Minnesota, too. And black flies. Still, I'd rather live in a northern climate than in warmer places where there are palmetto bugs the size of cats and everything else is venomous. Especially the politicians. I've only ever been in Alaska in the summer, though; I did enjoy being able to wander around downtown Anchorage in semi-daylight at midnight.

[eppur_se_muova]

35. Ha ! The shattered steel wrenches was the first thing that popped into my mind.

It's like a really, really basic assumption that has held true all your life is just gone.

Ironically, at really, really cold temps glass becomes strong enough you can drive nails with it.

[rubbersole]

39. Heard them tell this joke:

A recent biology major grad of the University of Washington was giving a mandatory continuing education class to a group of Alaskan Park Rangers...
He said "The human animal is the only animal whose testicles don't retract into the body in severe cold."
Two good ol' boy Rangers sitting in the back and one whispered to the other "That boy never worked on the Pipeline".

[Ferryboat]

5. Great place for opportunities if your willing to work harder than you ever worked.

Seen people go from greenhorn to boat owner in 10 years.
The derby days of crab fishing are over. Back in the day 16 hours was average unless you were on the crab.
Than it was 72 hours of hauling gear fill up race to town, deliver. Repeat.
Up and working for 72 hours?
Dangerous as hell, the fact that your crew share will be north of 10k for that 1 load makes the suffering worth it.
Alaska IS the land of opportunities.

[Jersey Devil]

7. Great to visit, but I don't think I'd wanna live there

Visited Alaska for a week almost 20 years ago in February to see my first grandchild. My son in law was in the AF and stationed at Elmendorf AFB and had a house in Eagle River, a suburb of Anchorage. Sun rose at about 9:30 am and set at 3:30 pm (only up north in places like Nome does it go dark all day) and the streets, parking lots and sidewalks were all covered with about 6" of impenetrable ice all winter. But the scenery was beyond breathtaking. Bald Eagles roosting in the trees everywhere, shining a flashlight into the woods in the back yard and seeing a thousand glowing eyes look back at you, delaying dinner at a restaurant because a moose was napping in the driveway and wouldn't move, ice sculptures in downtown Anchorage, the local hospital shutting off its automatic doors because moose kept walking into the lobby, skies, mountains like you have never seen before.

[callous taoboy]

8. Made it 7 winters in Anchorage.

Up and down went the emotions, often tied to the seasons, from sublime highs to wanting to claw the walls down lows. Thought I was gonna die on a day-hike gone wrong. Tough place for me, for sure, but when it was good it was so, so good.

[Arthur_Frain]

9. Been here since 1985

Some of this is valid. Some of it is not. Imma just say that everything is subjective, and people exaggerate a bit.

Currently enjoying what passes for Indian Summer up here. No we don’t see this very often, but it’s nice. Early October and it’s mid fifties during the day, we just had a big wind/rain blow through, so the leaves are gone, but it’s a gorgeous carpet of yellow for a bit longer.

I’m sure you pay $10 for a gallon of milk in Bethel if that’s where you live. In Palmer I just bought a gallon of skim milk within a few days of expiry for $3.40, it’s normally $4.49.

I’m actually reaching a point where I’ve been here long enough I think I might want a change of scenery, but I can’t imagine anyplace to go that wouldn’t be a letdown.

[1WorldHope]

26. Hawaii wouldn't disappoint I'm told.

[Arthur_Frain]

36. Lived on Guam for a couple of years.

Islands are wonderful to visit for me, but I’d never want to live on one again.

Now look at me being subjective! Enjoy your island paradise, I’ll come down to scuba when the dark gets to me.

[1WorldHope]

38. Sorry, I live in Nebraska. I've never even been to Hawaii.

It just sounds so lovely. But the thought of being in the middle of the Pacific Ocean scares the crap out of me.

[AKwannabe]

10. I lived there a couple years

After people told me I hadn’t faced a AK winter yet.
Did two…often the only person to show up when the snow was deep.

Saved 10k all by myself while doing all the things I wanted to do including a trip to Scotland. Not rich just hard work.

Yep. Gotta make the most of the daylight and dark.

It is my second home.
Super proud of Mindy in Fairbanks and also the people of Fairbanks!!

[travelingthrulife]

11. Those long days and nights would be hard. Probably as a result of that I saw a lot

of beautiful artwork by local artists in their stores. I painted a trio of deer coming up to a salt lick in Alaska at 3AM. No lights required.

[Clouds Passing]

12. Good essay, written with serious grit. Welcome, willbrad9080

[SCantiGOP]

13. I'm guessing

that the poster is not head of the State Tourism Depsrtment.

[Aviation Pro]

14. "you'll end up as a frozen cautionary tale."

Or bear scat.

[Fil1957]

15. I know I couldn't handle the big dark. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and a few years ago, the combination of

wildfire smoke and low overcast, caused it to be dark as night in the middle of the day. It was only for several hours, but I nearly went insane. I definitely couldn't handle a few weeks of that.

[Mblaze]

16. I lived in Anchorage from 1965 to 1972

As a teenager. It was fabulous. What wild fun we had. I was in three popular bands over those years and had the pleasure of opening for the big groups who would come up from the "lower 48". I met my wife there.

Alaska engenders an internal feeling of awe mixed with gratitude that is nearly palpable. In those days, when you drove by a garbage dump where I live now you would see raccoons and seagulls. When you drove by a dump in Alaska, you would see bears and eagles.

I was drafted after high school and joined the USAF to avoid Viet Nam. I was actually stationed back in my home town, Anchorage. When I left the service, I left Anchorage and never went back.

I remember high prices but not as high as this gentleman reveals. I remember the dark days and light days but they didn't really bother the teenage me. I remember ice fog when we would drive out of town and could see every light in the city reflected straight up into the sky. It was nearly as beautiful as an aurora borealis. I also remember Alaskan stories when people would tell me about hair-raising close calls. I had those close calls myself.

When I moved back to Seattle, for weeks it seemed like the locals were almost ghost people because they didn't have that sourdough presence.

Thank for your article willbrad9080.

[MLAA]

17. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Welcome!

[TheRickles]

18. Not sure how/if it's connected, but Fairbanks just voted out their R mayor.

(from elsewhere on DU): https://www.democraticunderground.com/100220705710

[Aristus]

19. The climate and the darkness I can handle; even celebrate.

I don't live in Alaska because it's those "quirky" bearded guys in flannel shirts that I don't want to live around...

[Maru Kitteh]

20. Bears are not usually ripping doors off. They might nap on the porch

But that’s hardly dangerous. Most of the time they just don’t care that much about you or what you’re doing. Of course it’s important to stay bear-aware, but this essay sounds a bit more bear-terrified.

I know about bears on the porch. We get them in Montana too. I’ve had black ones and brown ones. Never came out of the experience feeling like I’d escaped the steely jaws of death or anything.

[Martin68]

22. It's a great place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there.

[Layzeebeaver]

23. Hmmm. Orkney in the U.K. is north of kodiak, south of Fairbanks

So similar light…

But the weather is milder, less snow, more rain, but cheaper food and fuel.

This has to due with trade winds, Gulf Stream and excellent local food production.

Also, the locals don’t take the piss off locals. Food prices and other necessities are priced decently. Unless you want to eat some exotic animal.

It goes to show that the latitude is likely less important than the longitude. (In some cases) 😉

[Escape]

24. Thanks WillBrad

Beautiful, no holds barred description.

I always planned to visit Alaska when I was younger....and then Sarah Palin happened. After that I scratched it from my Bucket List.

[Gimpyknee]

33. You do realize that Palin is no longer governor, don't you?

[Torchlight]

25. I s'pose different people like different places

Al's at work.

[democratsruletheday]

27. meh, nice place to visit maybe but not in my top 10

live there? GTFOH (get the fuck outta here)

[Jilly_in_VA]

28. One of my best friends lived in Alaska for a good while

Her late husband was an Orthodox priest. They were on Kodiak Island for 5 years and in Anchorage for a year. She loved it. She liked Kodiak better than Anchorage though, despite the fact that it was remote. I think it had a lot to do with the people there.

[kairos12]

30. When I lived

in Alaska I knew the AK home born guy in the dead of winter because he was always dressed in an old, oil soaked snowmachine suit.

😂

[Gimpyknee]

31. I hacked it for three years and it was a wonderful experience.

I’m not sure where you live in Alaska but living in Fairbanks was not as harsh as you portray. The Midnight Sun typically lasted from mid-May to the end of July, about ten weeks. One of the advantages to these long sunlit days was finding 10 pm golfing tee-times. The weather certainly had major shifts. I experienced a high of about 90 degrees and lows in the minus 60’s. Sunlight in winter lasted from 10 in the morning to about three in the afternoon. I missed most of that sunlight while teaching a the University of Alaska.The cost of living was indeed high, but was manageable with my teachers salary ( with any annual bonus stipend). I was able to have two meals a day at the U at a reasonable cost and shared an abode with three other teaches within walking distance of the campus. I don’t regret a single day I spent there. I don’t believe there is a more beautiful and majestic state in the lower 48.

[Wifes husband]

40. There are other beautiful places

Buffalo River in Arkansas.
Anywhere in North Carolina or Virginia
This is a beautiful country

[Torchlight]

41. Nope

[Warpy]

32. I have cousins who love it

They're bush pilots, sometime fishing guides, small town cafe owners, and mechanics. All of them live in places where they need to fly into Anchorage for major supplies.

Dunno if I'd been able to manage with my lousy health. Barring that, the limiting factors for me wouldn't have been the winters, although that outhouse at -40 would be grim (pro tip: keep the seat next to the woodstove, take it with you when you need to go), it would have been the summers with that fog of ravenous mosquitoes. Anemia would have killed me quickly.

My cousins are all getting up there but none has talked about retiring elsewhere. They love it that much.

That's the key, I think, you have to love it.

[Bluestocking]

34. Oh please, it is full of morons

it’s a red state

[Torchlight]

37. Sounds serious

Good luck

[GP6971]

42. Locking per Host Consensus.

Does not meet criteria for General Discussion