Spurious News: Trump demands Bad Bunny not play Super Bowl, NFL folds
SAN FRANCISCO (Spurious News Network) -- The National Football League's decision to feature Grammy-winning rapper Bad Bunny at this season's Super Bowl halftime show did not go well with King Donald Trump and his legions of supporters. Many death threats, boycott threats and other acts of retribution followed the announcement.
When King Donald threatened to form another football league to compete against the NFL - something he's already done, very unsuccessfully - or to buy an NFL team, which he also tried, the League conceded defeat and informed Bad Bunny he wouldn't be playing the Super Bowl after all.
It didn't go well for the president, though; if he didn't like their first choice he'll really hate who they picked to replace him.
"We will feature a Dead Kennedys reunion at Super Bowl LX," said NFL spokesperson Mary Harris. "Dead Kennedys is a band formed in San Francisco that was highly influential and about as popular as any hardcore punk band could be. Lead singer Jello Biafra and guitarist East Bay Ray have promised a show no one will ever forget."
Although the Super Bowl is months away, Mr. Biafra and Mr. Ray have already decided on the setlist.
"We're going to open the show with 'Fuck Donald Trump.' It's a light-hearted romp meant to warm up the crowd.
"Our second number will be 'My President's a Chomo.' I mean, come on. You know he is. We know he is. Fuckin' Donald Fuckin' Trump sure as hell knows he is. So why the fuck not?
"Our third number is a psychedelic tour de force titled 'Donald Trump Is The Stupidest Bastard Who Ever Lived.' It'll make you feel like you dropped acid all morning.
"The fourth number is 'Donald Trump Has a One Inch Dick.' This one we're not really sure of. In reality Trump's dick is only an eighth of an inch long, but we tried it in a song and it didn't sound right.
"The last song in the set is really fun. We're covering Trey Parker and Matt Stone's 'Hang the Bastard!' from their film 'Cannibal! The Musical." We've had to make some changes. The original song is about Alferd Packer, who ate his entire mining party but only did it once. Now it's about Donald Trump, who eats shit on a regular basis. We're REALLY hoping he comes to the Super Bowl so he can hear all these great songs in person, but if he does there won't be ketchup in the Safeway stores in San Francisco for at least a month. Ketchup's good. Do we really want to disappoint all the little kids?"
A career White House staffer provided the government's official response: "Yeah, that serves the fat fuck right."
= new reply since forum marked as read
Oh, and you had me going for a second.
