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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsPlease. I plead with you. Live deeply. You may be young now but it goes. Fast. It is a breath.
Most people, at the end, realize theyve spent a lot of their life hiding. Sometimes by choice, or because they could not safely choose to be themselves. ➡️
At a deathbed, if my patient can communicate, they show theyre dying two deaths: the one theyre dying & then the death of the life they really wanted to live.
But in their dying, some are also free. To tell me who they are. What they wanted. Who they had to hide. Finally free.
Once my patient as he was dying told me something like this: What was I so afraid of? All the people that I lived for are dead now too.
This is a morbid thought, harsh, & very real.
I catch their dying dreams as they sail off into the unreturned. I am a last witness.
Not everyone is able to fully embody themselves, achieve their dreams, pursue their goals, for all sorts of reasons, systemic & traumatic.
I hope to fight & right these inequities.
And at death, if I can help my patient be themselves, even for the briefest momentI will.
Ive said it before & will again:
Ive heard so many regrets.
Please. I plead with you. Live deeply. You may be young now but it goes. Fast. It is a breath. Do not waste time on everyone elses vision for you. I know it is not this easy. In all the ways you can, please be here.
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GreenWave
(11,810 posts)Later we are born in a bed.
Now you say deathbeds?
Avoids beds like the plague!
viva la
(4,348 posts)the older you get. When you're young, you have time to do many things, but don't waste time doing what is wrong-- for you and the people around you.
Live adventurously, but compassionately too.
Conjuay
(2,760 posts)we just move slower in it
viva la
(4,348 posts)I swear, yesterday it was Saturday.
And now it's Friday.

WhiteTara
(31,102 posts)Before I can say
A lightning flash, a dewdrop
It is no more.
~Anon
Our lives are shorter flowers, then should we mourn?
No, we shall plant gardens and dress our children in colors
Because our lives are shorter than flowers.
~Toltec saying
Backseat Driver
(4,671 posts)Ms. Toad
(37,902 posts)I've never hidden who I am - despite personal risks. But I spent the first 45 years of my working life serving others in one form or another. I've been paid - sometimes well, sometimes a pittance. My formal hours never mattered. The needs of who I was serving did - so I nearly always worked 50% more hours than I was paid for; often 100% more.
I put off a lot of living because it simply never fit with the needs of the people I was serving. I had no regrets at the time - and I don't think I would have had I died during that period.
I'm retired now. My tag line on my email signature is "retired and living the dream." I truly am. I have enjoyed retirement from the first day - even though I resented being forced into retirement. But a little over a year into it that resentment is mostly dim background noise, and I am enjoying my life more and more each day. I'm taking classes (free as a university retiree) - probably getting a 2nd bachelor's degree in photography, scuba diving, acting, visiting my elderly parents more, and generally just enjoying doing what I want to do, when I want to do it.
I can't imagine not making my life a service to others, but I'm taking a break from that being the focal point of how I spend my time.
Delphinus
(12,451 posts)This is what I feel about my life too. I've been in service for so long and a caretaker of some sort - now I'm not and finding a new way is kind of rough.
Ms. Toad
(37,902 posts)But it's still relatively new (15 months), and in that time I've been hospitalized twice.
Even so - I baked my 30+pies for two groups at Thanksgiving, tutored two students through bar prep, represented one in a character and fitness hearing (and will likely represent another this next cycle), done pro bono PR photography for a new theater group that is just getting started, and some other things I'm sure I'm forgetting. I'm not completely done with being of service - and I'm starting to poke my nose back into that arena on a more regular basis. But, it been a conscious choice to make a gift of this time to myself to do all of the things I've been putting off.
yonder
(10,171 posts)usonian
(21,735 posts)I'm living the life that you're still busting your ass for.
I fill it with hobbies that get full reign: piano, photography, my philosophy and studies 🪷
So don't give me any crap! I want today to be the best it can be. You're as old as you think, and I'm still pranking the universe. And I can always play the "Uncle Leo" card.
THE HELL I AM!
Have fun! Don't fret what others may think!
Ms. Toad
(37,902 posts)But most of the time I thoroughly enjoyed busting my ass. You know the old saying - If you are doing something you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I was doing something I loved - and when I stopped loving it, I stopped doing it and did something else.
I'm now thoroghly enjoying retirement - but that doesn't make it any more enriching than my life was when I was busting my ass doing what I loved (and getting paid for it).
usonian
(21,735 posts)And always tried to land jobs that were fulfilling.
When I ran into a psycho boss, unless the job market was dead as a doornail, I quit with some dignity intact.
But in reference to the OP, The biggest NON regret is the time I spent with my daughter.
She just sent me the most wonderful Father's Day card thanking me for the life skills and confidence I gave her. (even if she didn't go into physics and engineering!). Those daily ones, and there's more to do.
When she has room, she'll get her Grandmother's Lenox China (which I bought, one of her fondest dreams) and the "Mother West Wind" Children's/nature books that my Dad read to my brother and myself.
Ms. Toad
(37,902 posts)We mostly don't run the air conditioning at home. (My daughter usually wakes up and turns it on, otherwise it would probably not turn on more than a handful of days.) I enjoy the AC - but not enough to use the resources it takes to run it.
I took 5 years off when my daughter was born. Absolutely no regrets at all. It was a financial sacrifice - but completely worth every penny it cost. And even when work was at its craziest, anything she needed me for took priority.
usonian
(21,735 posts)Copper tubing was already in the slab floor. IIRC, the company was a scam and vanished but our guy did good work. With the heat wave, I am rationing home a/c in Sierra Foothills and living in one room at a time with window units. Electricity is toooo expensive. Useful when power goes out because propane for the backup generator is also insane, and unregulated as well.
I will try to get closer to the Pacific again. At my age, I really ought to rent. I can and do still repair and maintain but it's less fun. Especially the extension ladder.
Time with kids is golden. Neighbors filled in between parent shifts, but I had evening Dad duty and built a great relationship with super-daughter. Best way to get the kid to sleep was a ride in the pickup truck.
I got great photos living near the coast, and on a recent visit to Richmond, got shore bird photos galore.
Photography has been my hobby for some 50+ years, and music, for about ( age -5 ) or so. I just worked on some Brahms.
Even if my choice of location did not turn out as expected, I really have gotten great photos, some top quality ones just last Tuesday. It's a good feeling when Mother Nature upstages some, but not all, of previous work.
Trying to make every day memorable and valuable.
🪷
Mr.Bill
(24,906 posts)womb to the tomb while causing as little trouble for my self and those around me as I possibly can.
I believe in no after life. I see myself as not much different from a fly on a screen door waiting to get swatted.
Sky Jewels
(9,148 posts)amidst countless [whatever the largest number is]s of others in the universe, here for a blip on one little planet amongst trillions.
Out, out brief candle.
highplainsdem
(58,728 posts)I've had times in my life when I've been able to, times when health problems (injuries from accidents) got in the way for a while, and times when family obligations took precedence.
But I never wasted time on pursuing someone else's idea of what I should be doing (including continuing with an earlier path I'd chosen if something else interested me more now). It's my life, not theirs.
Life should be, as much as possible, an exploration and adventure.
slightlv
(6,843 posts)In my younger days, it was hard. A single mother on $700 month (and $100/mo child support). Fresh out of the Air Force with no real world experience except as military police. I already knew I didn't want to make law enforcement a career. But at least I could type fast and accurately.
Got into computers during the days of WANG and the old Tandy PCs. Ended up making tech my career field, and I loved just about every minute of it. The old days were different than they are today. Back then, you made a new discovery or fixed a novel problem and you shared it with everyone around you. Knowledge and information wasn't something to be held close to your chest. It was to be shared so everyone could learn. We had fun back in those days with these new-fangled machines.
I even built a system to run a FIDO net BBS. Some 20 years later, I finally admitted the Internet was stealing everyone and shut it down. But, oh... the batch files I wrote to run that machine! And every single batch file was stored in a directory named /Belfry! I still found a way to be creative.
BUT... because I loved what I was doing, I sank my life into it whole-heartedly. I became identified with my skills on computers. During those work years, I let a lot of adventure slide by me. I was the main breadwinner in the family, but my salary level rarely approached $50k/year. I was a woman. And the whole "tech is a man's field" held true in the institutions I ended up working for. Trying to constantly make ends meet left me ill-prepared for retirement. A small annuity after working for the DoD (which is eaten up by insurance costs) and Social Security has left my former dreams for retirement in the dust.
If I could offer a couple of words of advice to the young (which I've already given to my daughter), it is to not allow your work to define you. Make sure you have at least one avocation which means, maybe, even more than your vocation. Also, travel while you are young. Don't put it off!!! I wanted to spend my retirement years traveling the world... or at least the nation. Now, with little extra money, and a debilitating chronic illness, travel is pretty much out of the question. But oh, how I always wanted to go back to the "old country".. Ireland... where my maternal line originated. Don't think you'll do it once you retire. Too much can happen in the intervening years. Do it now while you are young!!
The one avocation I had, rescuing critters and rehoming them, was a passion of mine. Truth be known, it still is. I'm just less able to do it now. But it has left me with a household of "babies" of my own who give me love and comfort, even on the worst days. Forced into retirement due to disability, I went from serving my National Guard and Reserve students to serving my new masters... the four legged kind.
TheProle
(3,782 posts)in fury's grasp
or throes of pain,
when nightmares stalk
the waking brain,
and monsters wear
the masks of men
still the mind,
move the pen.
beneath the heel
of tyrants' wrath,
when robber-barons
plot your path,
to journey through
the vipers' den
steel the soul,
move the pen.
and when the
final die is cast,
each breath connected
to your last,
a matter of
not if, but when
steal the night,
move the pen.
Iggo
(49,306 posts)
liberal_mama
(1,495 posts)LakeArenal
(29,949 posts)I wish I was 13.
I wish I was 18
I wish I was 21.
I wish I was
.
It goes so fast. When you hit 65
.
The days are long but the weeks go fast.
Suddenly you are 70. Blink your eye and youre 75.
roamer65
(37,805 posts)LakeArenal
(29,949 posts)Suddenly Im 71!!!!
roamer65
(37,805 posts)
roamer65
(37,805 posts)Ive had one helluva journey so far.
Ive gotten good use out of this particular biological container.
Act_of_Reparation
(9,116 posts)hunter
(40,102 posts)Never paid any attention at all to those who said I wasn't living up to my "potential."
I haven't forgotten the words of my University Dean, as he signed off on my graduation because others refused to do so, saying, "Hunter, I think you should go on to graduate school. But not here."
He was right. It was exactly the kick in the ass I needed.
I will die without regrets, probably because I am a horrible but mostly harmless person.