Fox, Facebook, and Other Monsters Under America's Bed (Th'Ferret!)
Hey, before we get started tonight, a quick pro tip for the savvy news consumer: laminate the daily paper before reading it; that way, when one of the many stories of ascendant American fascism inevitably causes you to projectile vomit, you don’t render unread portions illegible with puke; simply wipe clean and proceed to the next article, which is about Ivanka opening a nationwide puppy mill chain, probably.
(The link to the links and the bright shiny colors is, as ever, here: http://showercapblog.com/fox-facebook-and-other-monsters-under-americas-bed/)
Call it the Great Resignation, call it a serendipitously decentralized unofficial nationwide labor strike, shit, call it the McRib if you want; a year and a half of isolation and introspection led the American workforce to collectively conclude there’s likely more to life than pissing our best years away in shit jobs for shit wages just to enable the DeVoses of the world to while away sunny afternoons, daydreaming about innovative yacht storage solutions.
So yeah, the labor market is fairly wonky at the moment, but the solution remains as simple as it is obvious: just raise wages, you greedy fucks. ‘Course, if that happens, maybe all us serfs’ll start getting uppity ideas, like that we’re human beings, worthy of dignified lives, rather than farm animals to be exploited or lab rats to be fiddled with for amusement. Anyhow, Wisconsin Republicans’ opposition to a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work has become so fervent, they’re actually trying to roll back child labor laws rather than pay folks what their work is worth, which is surely the most populist thing this side of a golden toilet bowl full of billionaire turds.
Well, it’s home stretch time in Virginia’s gubernatorial election, and Republican Glenn Youngkin can apparently muster no greater closing argument than trotting out a known book-burning advocate masquerading as a mathematically-average American mom who is Just Concerned™️ about the dangers of exposing pure, young, white minds to the works of Toni Morrison, because government isn’t supposed to solve problems, you dummy, just perpetuate the outrage cycle feeding/distracting an easily-misled electoral base with culture war horsepoo while the wealthy quietly rob us all blind. Vote McAuliffe, if you’re able.
I see it is once again time for America’s wingnut death cult to ceremonially fete Ron DeSantis for “successfully” murdering his way through the pandemic. Having repeated this ritual so many times already, they’ve gotten really quite good at it; the congregation has grown perfectly comfortable ignoring all the newly-empty pews and fresh graves beneath the revival tent; the virus has eaten its fill and moved on, and no freedumb was sacrificed…only lives.
And now, Mad Emperor Ron-Ron proposes paying $5,000 bonuses (likely drawn from funds he’s stolen from school districts that insisted on prioritizing student health over his personal lust for cultist clout) to lure to Florida cops who quit their jobs in other states rather than comply with vaccine mandates, which, okay, is a little bit like posting a call for brownshirts on LinkedIn, but I’m sure nothing but cupcakes and bunny butts will come of deliberately fostering a culture of petulant, lawless opposition to the public good in our increasingly-militarized law enforcement communities.
Blockbuster new reporting from Rolling Stone reveals organizers of the Capitol Riot actually planned that seditious shit with STILL-SITTING MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, which, my God, somehow failed to land like what it is: earth-shaking news about one of the two or three most important events in American history. Because flooding the zone with shit works.
Why isn’t this the only thing anyone anywhere is talking about? I mean, Real-Life Christian Szell Paul Gosar apparently went so far as to promise the rioters a “blanket pardon” in the restored Reich to come. And it’s the We Can Haz Fascism? crew from this article, Gosar, Brooks, Boebert, Gohmert, Cawthorn, and Taylor-Greene, who’re taking over the GOP, while increasingly rare dissenters like Cheney and Kinzinger are made to walk the plank, to the jeers of the bloodthirsty.
Cool caucus you got there, Kev…no wonder you’ve got faceless backbenchers like…hang on, what’s this little jagoff’s name again? Blanks? Banks? Whatever, just another craven dirtbag angling for his 15 minutes of MAGA stardom by maliciously misgendering Assistant Secretary of Health Rachel Levine. The cruelty, as you may’ve heard, is the whole dang point.
Meanwhile, no haunted house, not even those screwy religious ones, can hold a candle to the horrors glimpsed behind the curtain at Facebook, that nightmarish, predatory, alternate reality where ethics simply are not a thing.
It’s staggering to contemplate the amount of harm these sociopathic nerds have caused, and yet, the full extent of their self-reflection truly seems limited to:
“Hey, our ultra-contagious brain parasite just developed yet another brand-new way to inflict human suffering on a scale that puts Stalin to shame; should we maybe, I dunno…stop doing that thing?”
“Will we make less money if we stop doing the thing?”
“We will.”
“PROCEED WITH THE THING."
Zuck is pretty much the polar opposite of Peter Parker, y’know? Anyway, a quick, clumsy rebrand, as Diet Cherry Disinformation or some shit, made all his problems disappear in a vanilla-scented puff of gaslight; why, I’ve almost forgotten the name of the country where his hellsite actively facilitated acts of genocide nope that’s a lie it’s still Myanmar.
Like, everybody’s mad at Jeff Bezos for going to space; I’m more concerned with those who invest their billions in gasoline for the world’s many fires. Like Zuckerberg. And Rupert Murdoch, who decided to legitimize the Deposed Dotard’s latest mewling, Big-Lie-spreading tantrum with placement on the op-ed page of the prestigious Wall Street Journal, one of those fancypants “newspaper” thingies you see spinning around all over the place in those fancypants old movies.
And if that’s what Rupert’s doing with his classy, “respectable” brand, it really shouldn’t surprise us that no advertiser boycott can shake his devotion to broadcasting Tucker Carlson’s White Power Hour, which functions, on a practical level, as night school for aspiring white nationalist radicals.
Incidentally, for anyone feeling worn out after all the homework during the recent Why Viktor Orbán is the Sexxxiest of All Possible Autocrats unit, rest easy, cuz it’s MOVIE WEEK! Yes, Fish Stix Hitler announced a three-part television event dedicated to further embiggening the Big Lie by claiming the Capitol Riot was a “false flag” operation designed to make Trumpism look like a movement of crazed, thuggish proto-Nazis, as though any aid is required on that front.
…I’m just saying, we’d probably be better off if more rich guys just wanted to fulfill childhood astronaut fantasies. Honestly, if Murdoch and his ilk could only content themselves with hunting us for sport, one at a time, on private estates where the rule of law is a polite joke…like, I dunno, that seems like a fair compromise, maybe. We could have, like, a lottery or something.
Because this strategy of trickle-down hatred…it fucking WORKS, folks. Look no further than the event for Charlie Kirk’s grotesque little Trumpler Youth organization, where a reasonably normal, clean-cut-looking young white fellow calmly asked, “when do we get to use the guns” on…whoever this one had been trained to hate; Democrats, BLM, Soros, Stacys, black-helicopter-piloting globalist Colin Kaepernick clones, who can say, really? The point is, he’s been a good, patient boy, and he’d very much like to start to committing murders now.
Isn’t that neat? Just a dude asking, in front of God and the whole ever-lovin’ world, “say, isn’t it about time to start passing out armbands and long knives?” as casually as if he were wondering aloud whether or not those really soft throw blankets would get their customary Black Friday discount at Target this year.
Out in Idaho, a racist, open-carry-obsessed felon named Jacob Bergquist didn’t wait for permission, he just wandered over to the local shopping mall to take his best stab at mass murder. See, that’s the thing about these rabbit holes; while they’re designed with no bottom, there’s always an off-ramp for anybody who feels ready to take the plunge into violence. (That off-ramp is America’s deeply insane gun policy, for the curious.)
And think of the message being sent to every starry-eyed, wannabe white boy mass-shooter by the obscene Calvinball rules set by the judge in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial. From permission structure to institutionalized exoneration, (remember Gosar’s promised pardons?) we’re seeing a real vertical integration approach to white nationalist terrorism from the GOP; imagine if they’d redirect all that effort into ending the pandemic, or fighting climate change, or…fuck it, stamp collecting.
What else, what ellllllllse…oh yeah, we learned a little more about Richard Burr’s clever little pandemic profiteering scheme; no reason an enterprising young U.S. Senator shouldn’t line his pockets while lying thousands of his constituents into early graves, right? So long as he dutifully acquiesces to the steady chipping-away of American democracy’s pillars, of course.
On a brighter note, we just wrapped up work on the latest comic, ODD YARNS, and sent it to the printer! The Kickstarter launches on November 9th! I don’t know about the rest of y’all, but the truth is, a big ol’ chunk of the foundation of my political and ethical beliefs came from Lee/Kirby-style superhero comics, and ODD YARNS is something of a love letter to those Silver Age values.
…seriously, it’s a hoot, you’ll have a great time reading it! And we’re offering a special rewards tier for fans of the blog; custom letters from Shower Cap! I’ll write a letter to an American politician of your choosing, on an issue of your choosing! Basically, if you’ve ever wanted someone to tell your Congressthing what a turd-munching crotchfungus they are, now’s your chance! Anyway, get more information here, and sign up on our pre-launch page!
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/worthcost/odd-yarns
And for Pete’s sake, stay safe out there, my friends…
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Some very important elections this week, peoples! If you haven't already availed yourself... Please, GO VOTE!
It's the democratic thing to do.
Thanks, Cap.